Long story condensed as much as possible...My stepdaughter (11yrs old) has a mom who appears on all facets to be a flourishing sociopath. We will call her "BM". BM's sociopathic behavior seems to have started in her very early teens, drug use & promiscuity were her main mode of operation.
BM is 34 now.
She was with my husband off and on for 13 years, they were married less than 4. Two years ago she got 2 DUIs about 3 months apart, the second with her daughter in the car, adding a child abuse/endangerment charge. She is a prescription pill popper. She managed to push back all hearings, etc.. for nearly 18 months before finally pleading guilty to all charges. The lawyer managed to get her 18 months in jail changed to 6 months on house arrest and a handful of different classes. She completed the house arrest, which was a total joke. She went and hung out at her friends pool and did everything she wanted to do, just by filling out a form.
Her daughter and my husband were literally terrorized by this 'person' for almost 2 years while he fought her for custody. In the long run it was worth it. He now has 100% physical custody and BM just has a few hours a week after school with a weekend overnight.
My stepdaughter is awesome. She honestly knows what mom is all about, and of course loves her as best she can, but knows where the real stability and love is, with her dad and me.
My husband is the text book definition of a sociopaths 'possession' that has been taken away. She has no emotional connection to him, just a hatred that she cannot control him. BM has recently filed a child support case, claiming even though she has NO custody and pays for NONE of the child's daily expenses, she cannot afford her visits and needs support.
Her situation is as follows:
-living with boyfriend at his home, probably pays little to none of household expenses or rent
-BM tries to mimic the relationship I have with my husband in a very obvious fashion. It's a little creepy sometimes.
-BM has pushed her daughter into saying "I love you" to the boyfriend and it makes the daughter uncomfortable but she knows it's less hassle than fighting BM on it
-works as hairdresser at a supercuts type place
-parents loan her a car and pay the insurance
-is part of the AA program, but is probably not honest about her sobriety date or prescription pill taking with her sponsor, boyfriend or friends in the program
- definitely plays the 'supermom' role around other but is insincere and cold in private with her daughter
-is EXTREMELY threatened and jealous of the relationship I have with her daughter and CONSTANTLY badmouths me to her daughter, but the kid knows I love her and relays all the badmouthing to me because it makes her mad
I'm leaving out tons, so if there's any clarification needed, please ask.
THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO. I want to write an open letter to her people... sponsor, boyfriend, clueless relatives, program friends, etc... exposing her child support claim. I'm SURE several of them do not know about it, and it doesn't really fall into the "working an honest program" steps, so her sponsor SHOULD confront her about it. I will not attack her directly. though I will make reference to how badly she has mistreated her daughter in the past 6-7 months, and I will make it sound like a letter of concern for her sobriety. She is seeking this money either because she is buying drugs or she has not fulfilled her court financial obligations and is keeping it secret. Even if neither are true, it will expose her keeping secrets from those supposedly closest to her.
It will start a shit storm, I know. BUT there is nothing she can do or say to my friends any family that will be of any concern to me. She can spread whatever lies she wants with whatever group of people will listen (I'm sure she already has), I don't care. My only goal is for her to realize my family is not the one to target anymore. A re-direction is what I'm after. If she fears exposure every time she tries to pull something, maybe she'll bother someone else?
Thoughts?