How do you know if your a sociopath? I feel overwhelmed by the idea that there is a word for what I am. I know that I've never been normal, but I was glad I wasn't normal I hated normal... If I saw one more blonde stepford wife pop out of a mini van followed by her ken-like, fake tanned, bleached teeth, trimmed husband and two kids I was going to rip my pretty long blonde hair out. Idiots! That's all I can say, and its not that sometimes I feel like people are idiots... I ALWAYS feel like people are idiots; its just to what extent. Some people I can tolerate, ya know, for a while. But some people just drive me insane I cant wait to open the flood gates, and let the mind game begin. I also associate myself with one of the more shallow characteristics; the stare. I make very intense eye contact, I do this when I feel like someone is trying to belittle me, or just when I simply need to get my point across. Im not sure if these things make me a sociopath, but I do know that I have a lack of empathy for those around me. I'm the type that will have her 'beloved' boyfriend arrested if it suited me; which it has. Sometimes I record my fights with my boyfriend so I can listen to them later and relive how good it felt for all of those words to come rolling off my tongue so effortlessly, and yet so so accurate. He couldn't find his flaws better than I could, but he seems to be catching on to my "social problem" hes began to ask me if I have feelings at all... that type of thing.
That is another problem, as I struggle with the idea of myself being a sociopath I also wonder if I'm not the only sociopath in my house. I've had quite the trouble with this current boyfriend and that's not common for me. What scares me the most about him is that when I look at him, I see me. He is a compulsive liar and he will defend a lie until his death. He has had three girlfriends, all the while dating me. I've gotten even on the cheating, but I feel like I have so much work to do and I don't know if its worth it. I'm not too attached, but I feel like he is a good option for me in many ways, and Id like to keep him around. Its difficult to hide my inner thoughts from him when I'm under this much stress, and it doesn't help when I feel like he might be enjoying the same game I am... The only thing worse then losing is sharing.
One of the greatest feelings of all time is knowledge; I could drink it. I have a bad habit of sifting through peoples things to get info, usually just my boyfriend because hes a cheater... I wish it were easier to get rid of the other girls (mistresses if you will). Trying to ditch two head over heels adolescent prosti-tot girls is proving to be difficult and I'm not sure if its worth my while. I feel like I've lost sight of the ball here, and I'm wondering if its because there are two players in my game. Am I a sociopath? And can I 'love' another sociopath?
