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fake love


Posts: 821

Real love

For non-disordered people, real love, therefore, has three components:

Attachment — attraction, the compulsion to be with the person we love
Sex — no explanation necessary
Caregiving — the desire to take care of the person we love
Sociopaths only experience two of these components. They definitely feel attraction, at least in the beginning of the relationship. And they definitely want sex. Usually lots and lots of sex.

But sociopaths do not experience caregiving. They really have no desire to take care of anybody — not you, not their kids. They are only concerned about themselves. They do not think about what will benefit someone else.

Fake caregiving

In the beginning of your relationship, you may have seen what appeared to be caregiving. The sociopath was always doing things for you, or buying things for you.

This was not authentic caregiving. It was a seduction tool as the sociopath was reeling you in. He or she appeared to be concerned about you and your welfare, but it was an act. You may have noticed that once your were hooked, it stopped.

In fact, one of the big telltale signs of a sociopath is how this person behaves when you need help. Unless a sociopath has a specific agenda, a payoff for helping you, often he or she cannot be bothered.

 

Posts: 1892
fake love

Much truth here...

Posts: 977
fake love

Why are feelings fake if you don't want to take care of someone else?

Obviously kids are different.

I like taking care of my pet rabbit.  I don't feel a need to "take care" of a romantic partner as if they were a child.  I can make soup for someone when they are sick and I can tell them things to make them feel better but I don't feel a "desire" to do these things, I just do them when they need to be done.

 

I think if you want to talk about signs of a sociopath you should focus more on intent and conscious manipulation rather than just not being nurturing.

 

"It was a seduction tool as the sociopath was reeling you in" - Maybe they were just doing what they wanted to do and you interpreted it through your own lens.  Maybe they had fun making you smile and you interpreted it as nurturing.  Maybe they were just intentionally being a scumbag to have sex with you and then leave.  I think this is a generalization based on your own feelings toward your ex romantic partner.

 

Maybe sometimes you act more concerned about someone's welfare than you really are because you want to keep them in your life and it makes sense to do that.

Or maybe you're just a paragon of virtue and every time one of your stupid friends calls you to tell you their stupid problems you tell them you don't give a fuck because authenticity is what matters most.

Posts: 1892
fake love

Do you believe yourself to be a sociopath/psychopath?

Posts: 977
fake love

No.

I just relate to the not being nurturing part of what she said and wonder why she says the feelings are fake.

 

To me the "fake" part of a sociopath would be when they lie.

Posts: 628
fake love

 

by hypercube

Why are feelings fake if you don't want to take care of someone else?

Obviously kids are different.

I like taking care of my pet rabbit.  I don't feel a need to "take care" of a romantic partner as if they were a child.  I can make soup for someone when they are sick and I can tell them things to make them feel better but I don't feel a "desire" to do these things, I just do them when they need to be done.

 

I think if you want to talk about signs of a sociopath you should focus more on intent and conscious manipulation rather than just not being nurturing.

 

"It was a seduction tool as the sociopath was reeling you in" - Maybe they were just doing what they wanted to do and you interpreted it through your own lens.  Maybe they had fun making you smile and you interpreted it as nurturing.  Maybe they were just intentionally being a scumbag to have sex with you and then leave.  I think this is a generalization based on your own feelings toward your ex romantic partner.

 

Maybe sometimes you act more concerned about someone's welfare than you really are because you want to keep them in your life and it makes sense to do that.

Or maybe you're just a paragon of virtue and every time one of your stupid friends calls you to tell you their stupid problems you tell them you don't give a fuck because authenticity is what matters most.

The 'Simon Cowell' of SW. 

Tis true.

Posts: 1892
fake love

There isn't feelings into what is being done for another other than what the sociopath/psychopath gets out of the deal.  Any feelings the other person "thinks" they see, is a lie.  A sociopath/psychopath has only self interest at heart... And head.

Posts: 977
fake love

Doesn't everyone though?

OP posts anger and frustration at her ex because he didn't give her the things she wanted.  Without knowing the details of their relationship I can't say who was "right" and who was "wrong" but I can say that most of her feelings toward him are about her own self interest and how he didn't live up to her expectations.

Posts: 1892
fake love

No not everyone... Do you think everyone thinks like you?

Posts: 977
fake love

I think OP is acting out of self interest even if her thought process is different.

10 / 21 posts
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