I never understood the whole rape thing... sincerily. I understood that it was about power and control- humiliation and degradation. But could I get aroused by the idea? I have neither had fantasies of raping or being raped. Until just recently. There is someone I would love to hunt down, bind, gag, and torture. To my surprise I have recently added rape into the equation, and it is a very arousing thought.
by smkovalinsky
by Thrill KillYes. I'm either the rapist or watching another woman being raped by a man who, in the fantasy, is my partner-in-crime.
I think some seemingly normal women have had these thoughts (thinking of things a couple of friends told me about, back in younger days). Have you read Reage's Story of O? (the book is good; the movie is junk).
Also, were you the victim of any sexual abuse (that you recall) in your childhood?
I haven't read that book or seen the movie and if I was sexually abused as a child, I certainly don't remember it. I'm not saying it never happened though. I have wondered if I was sexually abused.
by Thrill KillYou gonna report me to the FBI now? lol
No. I read one of your stories, and I can say that you have the intensity of a male (very male fantasy material). Obviously, it is very important for you to set these ideas down as stories. Do you feel it is a catharsis, preventing you from acting these things out? Are you sexually active with females in your daily life? I have always assumed this level of anger or violence would have its roots in childhood sexual abuse, but maybe I'm wrong. Have you ever spoken with a therapist? I guess I am just trying to understand, in a nonjudgmental way. Are you very young?
I'm not going to describe my day-to-day activities on here, as I don't see the point in that and what I do when I'm not on here is my business. I can tell you this much though... I'm bored at least 90% of the time and even when I do things to kill the boredom, it doesn't take long for it to return.
Fair enough, but I think it is the best way for my mind to grasp context. I realize you don't have to tell. Rest assured I wouldn't judge or actually care. Purely interested out of curiosity in figuring it out. However, I know that despite best intentions and all effort at pure, rational and unemotional discussion it falls prone to a lot of ridicule or whatever nonsense. Anyway, moving on...
I've been told my stories look like they were written by a man numerous times now, that's because I have a tendency to think like one.
I think it is cathartic to some degree. Writing down my fantasies acts as a mild release. It's not a very strong one though because I still experience urges to kill.
And yes, I have spoken with a therapist because I was hoping to find a way I could seek some kind of release that would reduce the urges somewhat. The kind that wouldn't get me sent to prison for life.
Therapy is useless though.
by Buttered ToastFair enough, but I think it is the best way for my mind to grasp context. I realize you don't have to tell. Rest assured I wouldn't judge or actually care. Purely interested out of curiosity in figuring it out. However, I know that despite best intentions and all effort at pure, rational and unemotional discussion it falls prone to a lot of ridicule or whatever nonsense. Anyway, moving on...
I'm not worried about being judged. I just believe that my private life should be kept private.
What she's trying to say is that she's a coward narcissist who is too afraid to indulge her fantasies. What are you trying to get here Susan? None of this will amount to anything other than make you some lovefraud bimbo, which is hardly anything to brag about. Why not just go back to cuckolding your dead husband?