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is my ex bf a sociopath


Posts: 3

Hi i have done so much research on sociopaths, narcassists and the like since splitting with my bf.  I will give you some incite into my relationship with him and hopefully someone will be able to shed some light on what sort of disorder he has.

I met him on a night out and he took my number.  The following day he phoned me and spoke for ages. He asked me if I wanted to go out on a night out with him the following week.  I said yes.  All that week I received texts and calls from him and again he spoke for ages. He told me about his difficult childhood and how his father beat his mother and him and his siblings.  I felt quite sorry for him and thought he was really sensitive.  I realised though he wouldn't allow me to get a word in.  It was just him talking.  When we met up again, i felt strangly really attracted to him.  We didnt do much talking as the music was loud but i remember him just staring at me intensly.  After that night we became inseperable. After only 3 weeks he got mine and his name tattooed on his stomach without telling me first. He texted me numerous times a day and would phone me and again him speaking for hours.  I realised something wasnt quite right when I didnt reply to a text quick enough one day and he said he got pains in his stomach because of it. He also made it plain he didnt want me going out with friends and made me feel guilty if i suggested it.  He told me if I loved him I should only want to be with him.  I wasn't allowed to even talk about my past, to be honest I wasnt allowed to talk much at all unless it was about how i loved him.  I felt hypnotised I was head over heels in love.  Sex was amazing and intense.  He pursuaded me that we should live together after only 2 months. He moved in and was so controlling over stupid things like the remote for tv, shopping etc.  He didn't like me talking about friends never mind seeing them. He told me we were fated and he was meant to be in my life. I just thought he was really insecure. He would talk for hours about really boring stuff and i'd be hanging on to his every word even though i didnt have a clue what he was talking about. If I meantioned that he never listened to me, he would erupt and shout that he cant do right for doing wrong and convince me I was just being argumentative.  He couldnt handle the slightest cristism.

I then developed a life threatening illness and he nursed me and was so attentive.  All he wanted for life to be me and him.  However I was giving the opportunity to go on a life coaching trip for 5 days by my ex employer.  He wasn't happy about me going but seemed ok.  On my 4th day away, he texted me and said he had left me because his love was too big for me and because i hadnt texted him enough.  I was devastated.  After 2 weeks I texted him and he said he didnt want me back as I hurt him too much. I practically begged him to come back and he just said move on.

It has now been 3 months and i have not heard from him.  I am absolutely devastated and heartbroken.  The relationship was so intense I feel like i'm still under his spell even though i know he is bad for me.  I honestly feel like I'm craving a drug or that i feel i have been brainwashed.  How can he say he loved me so much and be so intense just abandon me.  I feel so rejected.  I keep asking myself was any of it real

Please someone try and explain what happened?

Posts: 1259
is my ex bf a sociopath

He sounds more like a narcissist than sociopath to me, but there's too little information about how he behaved in everyday life to get a good idea of him as a person. Have you tried to check off the Hare Psychopathy Checklist and see where he ends up? It could give you an indication as to whether he's a sociopath or not.

Posts: 1156
is my ex bf a sociopath

I'll explain. You got lucky.

Posts: 377
is my ex bf a sociopath

He sounds more like a narc. Something thats been commonly stated about socios is that they are good listeners and always seem to understand your problems or issues.

Posts: 446
is my ex bf a sociopath

Psychopaths often fall on the narcissist spectrum... there is still debate on the two being distinct personality disorders as they are usually so often coorilated...

He does exhibit classic signs of psychopathy... and he sounds quite adept at manipulation. 

As for hares checklist... I've identified several 

Factor 1: Interpersonal/Affective"

Glibness/superficial charm
Grandiose sense of self-worth
Pathological lying
Cunning/manipulative
Lack of remorse or guilt
Shallow affect (genuine emotion is short-lived and egocentric)
Callousness; lack of empathy
Failure to accept responsibility for his or her own actions
Factor 2: Lifestyle/Antisocial."

Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
Parasitic lifestyle
Poor behavioral control
Lack of realistic long-term goals
Impulsiveness
Irresponsibility
Juvenile delinquency
Early behavior problems
Revocation of conditional release
Criminal versatility

Posts: 1892
is my ex bf a sociopath

He's a dick... what else do you really need to know?

Posts: 446
is my ex bf a sociopath

Women like dicks though... rimshot

But for real... women love the emotional intensity that comes with it... but they cry about the enevitable crash... either date the boring dork next door and be stable, or enjoy the exciting asshole that will inevitably leave you feeling emotionally empty... it's not that hard to decide...

Posts: 1892
is my ex bf a sociopath

As I said... he's a dick, what else does she really need to know?

Posts: 1063
is my ex bf a sociopath

Agreed, it almost seems like he wanted you as a possession…don’t be devastated. He most likely found another person to latch onto already so forget about him. Are you in the UK?

Posts: 1892
is my ex bf a sociopath

"Are you in the UK?"

And here is your redeeming quality;-)

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