Same my lexapro did that for me
I think it was because I was so lost in my head and there was so much racing thoughts I was just not perceiving time passing by at a normal rate, it seems to pass a lot faster when you’re wrapped up in racing thoughts
it also caused me to be able to focus more clearly on reality
like I can just look at a notebook, read it. Study it. I can take notes in a class and that’s all my mind is on- is just taking notes in class and what the teacher is talking about.
before meds I couldn’t focus. Which is a known issue wit depression but I was so used to it... I thought everyone just sat there and pretended like they were listening. But it’s like I was interrupted by my own thoughts so much that I couldn’t really listen to anything for longer than 2 minutes and stay on that topic with my brain lol
instead it was like agitating to try and do that. But now it’s just like, comes naturally to just do one task and be actually focused on that one thing.
before I was thinking about dozens of things at once and while it made for great creativity, it also made me a fucking mess and made passive studying pretty much impossible.
depression is a learning disability IMO and it also hinders your ability to work... I think people should receive compensation and consideration if they have diagnosed like anxiety depression ptsd or any mental illness.
But yeah before and after meds my writing changed a lot too so like I used to be extremely scattered to the point that I’m forgetting what I’m even talking about halfway through a sentence, and I really struggled to write essays because I would just forget all my thoughts I had just formed to write about as I’m writing... and so you can tell in my old SC posts which unfortunately are deleted? By Luna but.. it was like reading something maybe someone wrote who you think wasn’t paying attention to what they were typing at all like maybe stopped and started 15 times or something. It was difficult to form a coherent, paragraph. And actually get across what I was thinking and trying to communicate. Becuase my focus was that shredded apart.
there was also a change in my notes. My personal notes, on my phone. I couldn’t keep them organized to save my life and I had just hundreds of random writings that made absolutely no sense and there was just zero order and it was all very insane looking and sounding. And once I went on meds that changed and I was able to actually organize myself and my thoughts enough to... have a normal looking set of notes.
I also was able to sleep a little better than before for sure and, another significant change I noticed was, I became immersed in my environment and could “feel” it. And sensation that I didn’t know I was missing slowly started coming back. It’s like I was incredibly numb, to my own feeling and ability to feel others and situations I was in, I was so locked into this fog like I wasn’t even noticing the beauty and serenity in my environment and couldn’t feel happiness that nature gave me or happiness that music gives me or, just anything that gave my brain the feeling of happiness, I was unable to experience that before and hadn’t for years. Totally dark.
but when the meds started working, about a month in. I went for a walk one day with my family, and I looked up at the trees and I thought, “wow, I never noticed this before. Is this how normal people feel all the time?”
and it was the feeling of like taking in nature and the sun and the good wind on your face and, I felt a little flame of happiness from it. And that was the first loke shred of feeling I got that wasn’t horrendous nightmare of crying and panicking or numb fog depression / anger agitation and general insane racing thoughts that make no coherent sense.
I also couldn’t just sit and have a conversation with people but now I can. And I couldn’t enjoy things like, I always had to be working and white knuckling and if I wanted to like calm down and try to enjoy a social setting or a movie or a class even, I had to be high or drunk to do it. Otherwise I couldn’t like, “relax” I really struggled with that for like years. I couldn’t just sit down and watch a tv show. Or enjoy a meal. I was just always like go go go and couldn’t stop.
that was probably the ptsd though.
So these were little differences I saw and how I could start to tell the treatment was working.
I realkt had no idea what to expect or how treatment for these things even worked. But I started to get it after a while. Like I didn’t realize that how I was before meds wasn’t normal at all and was like all pure mental illness.
I was very consumed by it and it took up a lot of my life and my time and caused havoc in it. And once I got put on meds that slowly got less and less.
it also stopped me from having anger out bursts and from being grumpy and agitated with everyone and the world. Like I was super “bothered” and would lash out really quickly, or be angry in situations where it was kind of unnecessary to be like that. But I was just fucking angry about shit and you could set me off and I would just tear shit apart and had like pure fucking rage out bursts and shit.
and all of that stopped when I got out on the meds but before I had a difficult time controlling it.
the meds also stabilized my moods through out the day so yes there are ups and downs but they’re not as drastic as before so I’m not having like full tilt mental breakdowns and panic attacks, and being really high strung and like OCD about shit and over assuming tasks/ over working myself to the point of burn out.
it helped me to just be normal and balanced. Where as before it was like white knuckling and then bursting into tears or rage or panic here and there. Pretty much every week it was one of the three. A lot of crying, like just having breakdowns and sobbing and being really fucking sad.
It used to happen all just from the shit in my head.
that stopped after meds as well so that’s good.
