Sociopath Community

Sam probably only likes me because I'm autistic and innocent like that marky girl was except i troll him back and wont leave him emotionally ever/move on

i might slit my wrists but probably not

i hate being able to see myself clearly maybe ketamine wasnt the best idea oh well im going to do my next 5 infusions still and see what happens

aubrieta said: 

well ive had my suspicions but i didnt see any reason to call myself it without being officially diagnosed but ketamine has given me more insight into my thought patterns and allowed me to correctly line my patterns up with whats a-typical about my psychology

is this some sort of epic troll 

people with autism spectrum disorder have an entire specific set of struggles that, most people know nothing about. and aren't commonly associated with the disorder as symptoms of it. 

autism isn't just being odd, it's a struggle for people with this diagnosis usually... 

this guy has loads of videos about autism and the difficulties people face with this diagnosis, as someone who has autism and OCD himself. he also brings girls on the channel that have autism to talk about that as well because it can present differently in women than men. 

he has a whole playlist just for girls. 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsnq_HpT7puSqNdqu3I___iAUAZ6GjNg7 

here are just *some* of his informative vids 

skip to @7:05 (the first part is kind of extreme cases they're showing to get people interested, yes it exists but, not as common) 

but, the rest of the video this is what true mental illness looks like, it's hell... you spin out of control and you end up in places like this in life because you're just a fucking mess beyond what, you can manage... 

you can't pretend to be okay, or hide the fact you have these diagnoses. it's not just dormant. it reeks havoc on your life and on your emotionally to an extent that it's beyond exhausting. 

and you look like this woman is here. this is a very accurate representation of what to me appears to be a mixed episode. 

when I was in the psych ward, this is exactly how some of the bipolar diagnosed people look and act (that weren't just manic or just in psychosis... that's a different story all together) 

mental illness is no joke... 

of course people with bipolar don't look like this all the time, they have episodes but. if you have bipolar you've probably had one or more of an episode of some sort in your life and this may look familiar to you. Although I can't say *all* people have episodes, and it's not a requirement for diagnosis. 

I just want to remind you that going on the path of an improper treatment plan for an improper diagnosis, can be dangerous so. Make sure your doctor is patient with this coming to this diagnosis and make sure to give them truthfully, all the information possible about things you experience, thoughts, etc. 

There is a bipolar type III which is developed from being on medication, and after the fact that is irreversible. So just be careful... with medications... um. And once you're on them it's *extremely* difficult to get off of them as well, it's hell honestly. So.. just yeah it's something to tread lightly with. 

Two of my ex girlfriends had bipolar, I dated one of them for 7 years and the other one for roughly 2-3 years on and off. My aunt also has a very severe form of bipolar where she goes actually full blown catatonic, into a coma sometimes. 

And I also used to have a neighbor who had bipolar, and he would have screaming fits the entire neighborhood could hear. Which, we believe was more induced by drugs and the combination of his disorder, not just the disorder alone. But he would say he was going to kill everyone and himself usually. Just over and over again. And the police would be called because he had a knife pointed at people, it was just a mess. 

But yeah so my ex girlfriends would get manic and they want to go out, they drive fast, they have a lot of sex, they drink *intensely* and it doesn't seem the fucking phase them- they just nonstop dance, they talk really fast and their eyes are lit up like a Christmas tree. it's a specific look in the eyes, the manic look. But in photos it looks kind of like O.O idk. 

and then the one girl, she was in the bathroom for too long with the sink running so I opened the door and found, she was cutting herself in the over the sink and bleeding everywhere and crying, saying all these horribly negative and sad things about herself and her life. And just sobbing on the bathroom floor and saying she wanted to die. And obviously I stopped her and put the blade down and like held her wrists to stop them from bleeding and she just like, crumbled into me basically and we just sat there for a while on the bathroom floor while she cried and cried and cried. 

Other times she would call me over and be in lingerie, or want to go lingerie shopping and wants to blow all kind of money all the time, and eat a lot. That's another sign. Too much eating. 

And then again, another time she came to class in the morning (this was when we were in high school) and she was just crying for basically no reason, and she had to leave the room and go sob in the bathroom and I like, covered for her saying she was sick to the teacher but. Yeah... I mean, she was having an episode so I guess that kind if is sick. 

Other times she would call me over to sleep in the bed with her (she did this *a lot*) because she was having some hallucinations from the disorder, and paranoia what not... and it was scary af for her so having someone there just helped her sleep. 

And then- she's up again, and she was like just, making all kind of rapid impulsive decisions that made no sense, and blasting music and singing along like she's having a great time, wanting to do all the drugs, drink all the drinks, talk to all the people, make out with/fucking. Spending. 

She has since gotten on a medication regiment, and is no longer like this. So, she's doing much better and is much more normal now.

And the other one, she would go out and do random things like, just by herself go to a night club and start dancing and drinking all night with random people. I mean, nonstop. And then call me at 2/3am like, "hey I'm having an episode and I'm really drunk and I can't find my keys and I don't know where I even am... And I have no ride... " And would like start crying about how everything was terrible and like babbling a lot idk it didn't make any sense. It was barely coherent. 

I had to pick her up from places like this, a lot. Peel her off the floor, drunk, crying. And then it repeats like every weekend. 

There was a lot of impulsive decision making with her too like, not just to go out and party but, also things like, "lets take a trip to Manhattan." "lets go to Mexico" "lets move in together." and like rapidly changing her career, or impulsively signing the lease to somewhere, or buying a car. Things like that. And I'm like you did WHAT>?? lol or like impulsively changing her hair a lot.... I'm like... babe I just like your hair the way it is. But she was like one day frosted blonde tips, another day, "I wanna cut all of it off." another day.... "I want blue hair!" 

lol and just a lot of energy like... "lets go to the beach for three days and then go on a cruise and lets eat cheese and drink wine and then go on a roller coaster at Disney and then go to NASA and then go night clubbing and drink more and then lets go to my hot tub and then lets go to a concert and then mcdonalds and then back to the beach" 

and I'm like, but where are we sleeping??? and she's like "oh I don't sleep" 

and I'm like ??????? so who's going to do all this driving while insanely drunk???? and she's like "oh it's fine" 

meanwhile- drives 90 mph on the highway literally the worst most insane driving I've ever fucking seen- she's rolling down the window and like yelling at people. 

she also would do things like, get her nails done and then take them off right after they were done. Paying 50 dollars. Or like, impulsively book a concert for 300 dollars for both of us without even asking me if I had plans. 

Other times, she showed up where I fucking was going to school, in the middle of like, a lab. And brought me coffee and donuts which was really sweet but like I could she was completely manic because her eyes were like HUGE like O.O and im like uh oh... and she was literally shaking. (Sometimes manic people like, shake a lot?) 

Speaking from experience, I know how during episodic times it feels like it makes sense to seek answers, but I've also seen such things cause the behaviors themselves to become more contagious, to make it worse (whether from legitimate problems with the disorder or from a predisposition towards the Web MD effect). 

You're basically fanning the fire when you look up your issues in other people while amidst said issues. What seems like "figuring things out" is a disguised form of self-abuse. 

I'm not saying that research is bad, but there's a time and place for the ones that are more relevant towards your own problems. There comes a point where you aren't really helping yourself from such self-indulgent intimacy with the knowledge. 

I’m trying to show aubrieta the reality of these disorders she’s mentioned and that it’s a little more than ups and downs, or being eccentric. And that it can get out of hand if improperly treated or putting off treatment. Like, if she genuinely has bipolar II, she needs to get treatment... etc. If she has autism there are therapies for that, etc.