I've thought about this a lot lately.
I always used to think that I'm really smart. I wasnt particularly proud of it, but it's something I notice.
I excel at math, I tend to pick up on everything, I listen very carefully, I was the youngest faculty hire in recent history, my PhD was completed in record time, and I started my research before I got to University.
However, lately I've been wondering if what Spatial said is correct and I really lack some sort of fundamental sense that everyone else has.
It's true; I don't have the same sense of shame as normal people do after I trained it away, I tend to be hyper focused and I can keep my attention for much longer than anyone in the room I've ever met, save for one Spanish girl who drained me of my mental energy with constant questions in a conference few months back, and I don't feel as genuine as those around me. I also believe I am very hyper aware, like, I know perfectly what kind of picture I'm painting of myself by writing this post, and I tend to tailor to that view.
The question I've been thinking about is whether or not I really am actually an idiot. It would be such a blissful self-realisation because frankly I'd have so many more things to learn from those around me. I learn many things from you all, but just not very intellectual things, because I feel like intellectually I'm vastly superior.
But I've been giving it serious thought. If I were really delusional and I wasnt actually that smart, then how could I find out? I thought that I could find out if I challenged a smart person, e.g., spatial to a test of intellects, I'd be able to find out by being defeated. However, since he refused, and claimed that by refusing he actually won, I tend to think that rather than being motivated by the belief that I'm an idiot he was motivated by insecurity over me believing I am smarter than him.
I don't know why people feel insecure about it. Why can I not be smart without people feeling offended over it? Maybe that's the sense I lack, I dont take pride.
I think the reason I'm objectively intelligent is because I keep testing the hypothesis over and over again, and I always seem to prove myself to be smart. Isn't that objective?