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Journal 25


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I feel excited about the things I learned today. I almost passed out in yoga class yesterday. I don’t know what tomorrow holds. But I like this flute music. This wasn’t a very well designed journal post. I want to express how I feel but I don’t know why, and I’m also a bit lazy about it. I’ll start with something small like this. Sometimes I feel like being private and alone is relaxing, so it’s kind of chaotic that the inspiration for self expression comes from none other than the most private inner workings of my heart and soul. It feels stripping or exhausting to wring it out of me, and it’s all based on my stupid silly life and the things I go through. Whatever it may be. Some things are just so personal, so I had to take a step back for a while, and not write about anything to anyone. What I’m going through currently, or have been going through is difficult to put into words. And I have been quietly listening, and learning. But there is something to be gained from expression, a lot. And I took my foot off the gas a little from doing so for a while. So that I could explore uncomfortable other ways of existing than just in this particular space, if that makes sense. I had to, it was pressing that I do that. As part of my own healing journey. Tomorrow marks my first month since detox. So I am. Just getting back to…. Center and exploring the beginning roots of my healing journey forward from this point. 

I’m too tired to edit this into making sense. Stream of consciousness and edit later (never). This is just a place to freely spit out whatever you want, process, I don’t care. Without passing judgement as much as you are focusing on the act of… articulating. The shit you experienced, blah blah blah, and process, and recording, because, journaling is good for you or something like that. 

 

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Detox? 

Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
Posts: 4875
0 votes RE: Journal 25

Posted Image

Thrall to the Wire of Self-Excited Circuit.
Posts: 9624
0 votes RE: Journal 25

Today I’m feeling like or my perspective on myself is wow you must be totally mad 

And that’s scary, but is a common revelation amongst people who have trauma so, 

there’s this part of me that’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop, 

I’m trying to figure out the right medications but the only thing that makes me feel more ‘inside’ myself and normal again is a benzo. 

I know people in recovery who have trauma and take it daily. I just wish there was another way, and my doctors are trying to find it. I just don’t have the best responses to medications, adjusting to them is, hard, and… i want to feel more like ‘myself’ not further from it. 

I feel like if i keep talking bout it enough with a pro, I’ll… be able to resch healing break throughs that allow me to shed the hypervigilence 

Posts: 34916
0 votes RE: Journal 25
Blanc said: 

Today I’m feeling like or my perspective on myself is wow you must be totally mad 

And that’s scary, but is a common revelation amongst people who have trauma so, 

A lot of people when 'mad' insist they aren't, typically. 

Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
Posts: 9624
0 votes RE: Journal 25

Good job for the first time in a while i did a lil self care moment. I need lots of that. Cant pour from an empty cup

Good job me. Ur doing great sweetie.

Posts: 9624
0 votes RE: Journal 25

Reality strikes again ⛈️ ☔️ 😢 

 

I can’t find the string to my robe and it’s the most beautiful vintage silk pink robe it’s not replaceable 

 

I took 3mg of Ativan because I thought I was dying 

 

my stomach was hurting for going on 4 hours now 

 

with the magic pills that make it stop hurting and repeaded hot bubble baths 🧼 only working somewhat 

 

I’ve given up taking the magic pills 

 

I just want to knock myself out with something rediculouslynstrong at this point and 

 

yeah whatever I do do not let me eat trash food for peasants as apparently I can’t handle it 

 

nor can I handle reality thank you

 

All I can handle is nothing food wise and my body is falling apart because of it 

 

soon I will become so weak I die from all my unknown ailments

 

as there isn’t enough money in the world to appease how high maintenance I am 

 

whatever will I do with all my woes

last edit on 9/18/2025 10:40:30 AM
Posts: 9624
0 votes RE: Journal 25

ODing on pepto bismol brb

Posts: 9624
0 votes RE: Journal 25

Life update i am starving 

Posts: 34916
0 votes RE: Journal 25
Blanc said: 

Life update i am starving 

Eat a burger. 

Ę̵̚x̸͎̾i̴͚̽s̵̻͐t̷͐ͅe̷̯͠n̴̤̚t̵̻̅i̵͉̿a̴̮͊l̵͍̂ ̴̹̕D̵̤̀e̸͓͂t̵̢͂e̴͕̓c̸̗̄t̴̗̿ï̶̪v̷̲̍é̵͔
10 / 20 posts
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