See, I prefer to have this carried on the back of empathic hypocrisy: I don't expect others to get me things when I get them things because I got it for them because I thought they would like it, but if others get me things then, inevitably, they might get me a second thing and now I'm two gifts deep in that social burial. Where I might have just spontaneously bought something before, having been gifted something gives me openings for reciprocation typically during holidays. If I really like the thing they got me, then I'm twice as deep in owing them because they made a good pick.
Don't you ever feel like you deserve it? Like, you feel like you got it because you deserved it.
lol, no? I don't feel entitled to anything most things* in the sense of feeling like it was deserved or earned, and having that mindset seems gross and narcy to me. The only 'deserved' things are reciprocity, and that's moreover what I owe them than how I feel they ought to 'treat me' or whatever like some sort of Diva.
If they got me something nice, then they deserve something nice for their trouble, and even fairly bad or off-the-mark gifts still show me they appreciated me or whatever enough to think of me independent of me bringing myself to their attention more literally. Them thinking of me without my prompting them to is part of the gift. Even a small gesture like someone bringing me flowers is really nice, or even something like when my cat brought me a mouse when I was starving myself.
Not everyone's love form is gift giving but showing love is still nice, I'm not rich so I generally won't do it first, and after enough times not giving eachother gifts I tend to just assume that's "the nature of the relationship". One sided gift giving tends to give the impression of the relationship itself being one sided, while one between two peers has them go dutch in a healthier way.
Certain tendencies and behaviors have a means of not just demonstrating how one acts, but cobbles a sort of social karma out of the habits. What people expect out of you filters people in and out of your life as long as you're putting yourself out there, and being seen as someone who is 'Selfish' or 'Thankless' is pretty shitty. It's bad enough to not give back, but it's worse to let it become a habit, and if anything receiving a gift is a good reminder over the lack done for them.
Would you accept a house as a gift from your parents? Or would you feel like they'd own you if you accepted it?
They wouldn't give me said house short of them being on their deathbed, and it costs money to own a house, a lot of money.
At the very least I wouldn't feel entitled to it emotionally.
It's the same thing for the most part, you're giving back affection or favors because they had done so first. The only real difference here is that socializing didn't have a price tag.
No I don't. I do it because I feel like it. I feel like it because they did it.
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It's different. One case is true reciprocation, the other case is calculated. In order to reciprocate, you need to be unaware of your actions.
Pretty sure that's not in the word's definition, at all, it's just a response in turn to what was given.
One can reciprocate a beating with revenge for example.
When a gift is too imposing, I'll usually turn it down for being 'Too Much'. If they aren't getting something out of my having the thing then the uphill becomes too daunting for repayment. Meanwhile if someone bought me something cooperative, like a multiplayer game they also play or a ticket to an event or something, then I at least feel obligated to do these things with them so that we both get something out of it as my paying it back (even if it's something I might not enjoy doing the first few times).
Is that because you don't like them and feel that they think your friendship with them is deeper than it really is?
No? What the fuck?
I feel like accepting gifts solely, and further, as if one 'deserved' said gifts, is a bad mindset built on selfishness. Typically those I've seen deserve nice things are those who don't feel entitled to them, and they tend to have a nicer more genuine reaction when they're given something.
The two fun parts of a gift are the excitement and surprise of The Unveiling and the practicality of it's Use, so a gift both people can use that the other would like can be nice, as long as it's not the 'secret gift for themselves' problem.
Once you'd refuse reciprocity, through these means rather than being that insistently humble, I'd be under the impression that what you wanted out of those $10.00 was the power to lord it over someone.
Have that go into the thousands or millions and you'll see that you effectively described how Med tries to bind Chapo.
Lol . Does it work?
It can apply a lot of social leverage, even if it's a gross gesture. It's part of why rich people aren't seen as generous so much as powerful when they give things away.
These days, people really need the money.
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