Sociopath Community

ok bye

Jada said: 

I'd be happy to hear why you think I might not see people as people and what you mean by that.

I'm sure you would, but where would us talking about that take things in your case? To work within your limitations we'd need to first define what about a person makes them a person, then go on about how much those criteria do or don't have weight.

The problem with it being about 'people' is one where you're liable to see points made outside of your comfort zone as being too subjective to go anywhere. Rather than seeing how the points made might relate to that individual, containing nuggets of a larger truth hidden within their experiences that need to be decoded, you rigidly expect all the work to have already been done in advance like a term paper full of proofs or it's basically useless to you, as if subtext were absent entirely. Not everything can be pinned down like that, but in such a case does that void the room to discuss it? 

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You don't lean on common heuristics nor accepted convention so much as play it out like an actor and, as a result from either a lack of personal experience or from that being how you conceal yourself, would need all of this defined as neutered variables rather than allow for it to be bridged through discussing shared experiences in an honest way. You'd need it sterilized until it resembles something safe enough to not attach to your personal identity, which in turn has much of the meaning risk becoming lost if not a one-sided conversation from the one present willing to yield themselves more than you otherwise would. 

Normally people can take what they both know in order to find a common ground, but you tend to insist on having it be rendered referentially textbook to keep your 'self' out of the discussion through making it impersonal. You'd be more liable to reference other writers in order to keep yourself out of it, rather than see if there's any merit outside of directly academic quotes from older names, if not play out a bit part to gauge reactions without risking being "too real" among people you often presume to be faking alongside you. This turns the potential for discussion plain and surface level with less room to see where either individual's experiences are coming from beyond the most basic of appraisal, having most of what's learned just be if you like or dislike something instead of anything deeper while also taking up a lot more time.

When it's real, there's more depth to the words. They cease being a recitation of events and become a recollection of personal experiences, even when it's over something dull and boring. Your stories by comparison tend to be devoid of that genuine humanity, which in turn makes it look faker to those of empathic discernment. The means you go about it reek of imitation, and rather than refine your presentation you aim to reveal how others are fake to try to make the problem appear general enough to blend into. 

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In general though you don't really connect with your peers from what I've seen, mostly over how you won't allow yourself to. With what I currently attribute to you having spent an excessive amount of time by yourself, be it literally or as a byproduct of your own believed superiority making for social distance, it'd seem you've rendered people into something more distant than your fellow man otherwise would have. 

From my POV at least, you don't seem to yield enough of yourself to really give others a chance, and through the means you take to appear unlike yourself it shows how shallow your digging into them really is. You don't take risks on others so they often won't take risks on you, and those who do you've already found a means of taking less seriously by seeing them more as sources of function rather than living breathing people. How fake you try to be is likely how fake you view others as being, unless seen as too stupid to hide themselves. 

Even further, you seem to have a fixation with trying to have others match your POV to further your stance, rather than trying to see what works for them (beyond snark anyway). For example, rather than sharing who you are with someone you believe you could trust, you'd rather convince other people that sharing themselves is dangerous to make your own reluctance in doing so feel more normal.

By comparison I have shared myself with others and, in spite of some the drawbacks that piggie backed, I got much more out of it than I would have from a position of constant safety. Sharing truths has invited reciprocation which in turn has given the room to develop trust, but you don't seem to really trust people here so much as trust their perceived function, and rather than fix these issues of yours you aim to reveal how others are better off with your beliefs through propaganda and a willingness to be that very antagonist. Rather than become someone worthy of being told secrets, you find it easier to convince people that they shouldn't be telling anyone anything. 

Sure you narrate, but you don't really share, and many people can sense the lack of genuine vulnerability to the point of sharing that much less with you. Unless they are sharing on their own as a habit they are going to be looking for reciprocation, and I personally don't see you doing that when it comes to social matters in any meaningful way. 

Now I've mostly realized that I'm simply stronger and smarter than those around me, which is why I'm different. Rather than perceiving it as a weakness, I see it as a strength now. I still enjoy social interactions, but in a way that I don't particularly care what I get out of it, because I see myself as the main contributor in all conversations.

I remember when we spoke about this before, you made that sound lonely too. 

It was the whole "It's so lonely at the top" style ramble. 

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If you ask me though, that loneliness if it were to be the case for you is largely self-inflicted. When you find a smart enough person to risk being seen as a peer you seem to try to find ways to tear them down until you feel like you're the King of the Hill again. A lot of your interactions seem to presume a binary scale for evaluation, like a math problem, rather than seeing a broader spectrum that's more freeform like a painting. 

For you it seems like you want to have a peer, but also have latent insecurities that don't allow for it. I think you find a certain sense of comfort and safety in feeling like a big fish in a small pond from seeing people as if socially predatory to the point of not wanting to risk someone else eating you over seeing the capacity for it within yourself. When you then see this happen from others it reaffirms your views, while cases that have not yet panned out that way you anticipate as liable to happen down the line. Even when you want to trust someone the insecurity seemingly nags at you. 

You seem challenged when it comes to empathy, and presume others will act similarly. Even your attempt to behave as if polite comes across as disingenuous over how forced it feels, like you're following a set of rules rather than that being natural for you in order to gain a use out of them, and I can't help but feel like this might be how you view others who are polite more naturally. Through presuming people would think similarly to how you do in conversations and situations, you've found it harder to trust people, while the ones who make mistakes that you dismiss as 'dumb' seem to be able to keep making them while enjoying themselves. This supposed weakness in character is actually bringing them more success than playing it safe and detached. 

Beyond that you also try to lord yourself above others in your own mind by using sarcasm you think they'll miss, usually in the form of fake flattery that allow you to use them to some end, which then further affirms your believed intelligence once they allow themselves to be fool enough to believe it. If they're dumb enough to believe your statements of convenience, then you "must" be smarter than them from having been the one to lay the trap, rather than seeing it as them being the advantaged ones for not needing these checks and boundaries in the first place. By contrast when they don't take your flattery at face value you act as if they are more of a threat, and in both cases you are distancing yourself from people. 

In short, in my armchair opinion, I'd say again that much of your struggle with people is self-inflicted. People have moments of passion but otherwise really aren't that bad, and intelligence is multifaceted in such a way that others are liable to be smarter than you are in areas you don't focus on. You worry over what you'd be able to do with 'something like that' as being what you suspect others would do with it too, as unless they can be dismissed as unintelligent you suspect others to be capable of everything you are. As a result your sense of safety and familiarity comes through testing and proving that those around you are beneath you, rather than just sitting comfortably; Most to you are on a binary between Dumb and Dangerous. 

Rather than risk someone having the upper hand, you'd rather be alone. That being said you still like the attention, which otherwise drives you to continue on like this. 

There's a grain of truth in what you say, in that I feel like many people around SC are fake. For example, I could bet 10 dollars that Cawk doesn't behave IRL the way he behaved here.

I have tried in the past to analyse respond carefully to what you said, and youve said most of what you're saying here already in the past. And I realize that this will sound ungrateful, given the effort you put into the reply, especially because its well intended, but it's terrifying how far your imagination takes you.

I'm sorry, but it needs to be said.

I used to think of ways to convince you that I'm not who you "think" I am, but it is a waste of time. The point is that you're a diagnosed schizophrenic. Your imagination runs loose. That's what's happening. Nothing more.

99% of the human population feels lonely at times. For those at the borders of normalcy, they are particularly susceptible. It has nothing to do with me being a fake persona. That you think so is flattering, but you're imposing an image on me that doesn't describe me. I'm not fake.

In your previous story, I was humble. I was a blue wizard who refused to take credit. Now I'm an arrogant bastard who looks down on people. I would ask how you reconcile the contradictory two characters you've painted on me, if it weren't so pointless to do so, because I know I won't understand mad persons.

I don't look down on people, scam, fake my persona, excessively lie, judge harshly, distrust, act dishonestly, or betray.

When I "narrated" that story about my two schizophrenic friends and suggested you see all this "depth" and these things "going on under the surface" because you're a diagnosed schizophrenic, I did not mean well known gossip and secrets. I meant the theories you have that sound like they came from the asylum.

  The sad part is that I really, really am trying my best to reach out to you and tell you what I think, and meanwhile you think I am really, really trying to lie to you so hard. To what end, who knows. It's like it's impossible to reach you, because the more sincere I am, the more you go "wow this is almost like it's real, he's so good at faking this stuff." Will you ever realize I'm not faking it?

I'm not particularly offended by what you say, nor do I feel inclined to stop talking with you, but ive realized that a lot of the "friction" around you exists because you're unwell. You've become more sympathetic in my eyes.

Fuck off you stupid jew fuck. You never knew chris chan not in a million years. You met ice poseidon once but he had absolutely no interest in you because you’re an awkward socially and mentally retarded freak that nobody wants to be around. Your life is uninteresting so you consume your time stalking celebrities maybe talking to them for 3 seconds never seeing them again. Only then to claim you have met celebrities and you know them personally to seem relevant.

You’re an ugly freak fuck jew and a nobody. Stay the fuck in your lane you attention whoring cunt.

Nobody and i mean nobody gives a fuck about you and nobody gives a fuck that you knew some lowlife fucking loser piece of shit. Fuck off you ugly cunt.

You’re a totally irrelevant ugly whore piece of shit. Nobodu gives a fuck about you nobody. You’re not famous, you’re not relevant. You are fucking nothing you are an ugly diseased jewish parasite that needs to be fucking killed do you understand me.

Now fuck off you ugly fucking irrelevant whore. You’re a stalker and yet even as a stalker you never made a name for yourself and nobody gives a flying fuck about you and ebz because you’re an ugly piece of shit that not a single person wants anything to do with you. Fuck you and fucking die you ugly verminous irrelevant whore. Fuck you.

I'm heckin gay

Jada said: 

Congrats.

Honestly I am really jealous that you can feel such gratitude towards this community. Despite my being here much longer than you, I never made any close friends, didn't connect with anyone IRL, didn't even VC, and mostly I felt like an outsider. This forum has had minimal impact in my life, and my life would've likely been even better without it, had it not impacted it so little. Perhaps it's because I already had a network outside of the forum, so I didn't need to rely on anyone.

So in the theme of the forum, may I ask, do you have a feeling of accomplishment, now that you're headed to get to college? Forestry technician sounds pretty badass.

 for starters, you are just as much a member of this community as I am. You make posts, you have an account, you are a member. What you long for is not a connection with SC, but a connection with people. The secret is that in order to connect with others you must first learn to respect yourself as a human being and realize that you have a soul, that you are real, and that you matter. It is good that you have a network outside the forum. Unlike you it sounds like who has been having friends, there was a long time that i NEEDED this place. I needed to be around people just as broken as I am so I could befriend people who understand what it is like to be truly hurt.

To answer your question, I feel accomplished a small bit, but I will not feel accomplished much until I at the very least have a decent career.  However, I feel hopeful and happy, because I feel like this place saved me from spiraling just in time. It gave me a safe place, an education, money, and soon a job. My biggest accomplishment I feel is being married for five years.  That required a lot of work and our marriage is doing so well.  To be honest, I miss my child whom died in miscarriage. So my life is far from perfect. I still have autism, PTSD, and deal with the mental damage from severe abuse and being used as a human labrat as a child. Bujt I live in Hawaii and I do fun things and I am safe with a decent future and a good husband and friends. I love my teacher/mentor who cares about me and I love this place. So, I count my blessings.