Warning autsospell will fuck the grammar
When I was a child I was forced into sexual acts by my adult female cousin. I was seven years old.
I am 25 now and I think finally ready to talk about it in a sane way and step back and look at it/deconstruct it. Or at least some of it.
I was born intersex. I usually do not like to discuss this. Everyone intersex is different but my specific case has caused me to have two miscarriages. This has been very difficult for me to deal with, and I really feel that I have difficulty coping on an emotional level with the loss of our children.
Being intersex is something where you are born with bigological aspects of both sexes. This is unrelated to gender identity and is all about the sex you biologically are born as.
Regardless, my parents didn't like me for this. Especially my mother.
My birth traumatized her, and my father cried when I was born. Doctor's originally thought I would be born a boy, but we're baffled on determining my sex at birth due to ambiguous genetailia at the time.
This was later remedied by removing any external parts deviating from the norm. Which I found in my medical records.
As a result of being the catalyst for my mother's trauma I was abused and neglected. Any time she was angry I was the target. Whether I had anything to do with what was happening or not. I was punished for existing.
My brother was born, but he was born with severe autism far worse than my own. I was diagnosed with autism already so my mother assumed my brothers cognitive abilities would be like my own. Despite her disliking me, she would still brag to her friends about how "intelligent" I was, and I think she assumed my brother would turn out like me in that sense. I was good with puzzles and faster than my peers in many other regards, and despite delayed speech I ended up with a vocabulary very advanced for my age.
But he didn't.
He turned out completely different. And severely disabled.
And I was the punching bag.
I was whipped all the time. Beaten, called names, drugged, told I was going to hell, chased, strangled and physically picked up and thrown. My parents would make me so upset I would throw up on the floor, and then I would be beaten for that too.
But despite all this I loved my brother with a passion and still do to this very day. I took the pain for him. If I didn't endure he would have had to. I am older. It is my responsibility my brother was the only one who didn't abuse me.
People began to see however, that I was the neglected abused side child. And predators would take advantage of this.
Who other then my cousin?
She used house pets to sexually abuse me. It was bestiality. She used her mouth. She would taunt me s well. She raped me. And she forced me to engage.in sexual acts with an animal. Something I still hate to this fucking day.
I hate cats. I hate dogs.
And I became a fucking zoophile. And I hate myself for it. I have an addiction to zoo porn I can't get over.
I will have nightmares of being licked by a dog or having sex with one and wake up crying. But then start masturbating.
And her taunting me echoes in my fucking head from that day every time.
Later I was put in solitary confinement for six years, and to deal with it I would masturbate. It wasn't until later that I was horrified to realize there was a camera and staff could see me.
I do not get much stimulation down there but I do have testosterone and a drive and it kind of fucking tortures me more from the lack of stimulation
So there you have it I am a disgusting piece of shit
