Sociopath Community

Delora said: 

When did you first realize that you were trans and what did that entail?

When I was five I already had odd ideas about my gender, and the thought never stopped persisting since then even when I really didn't want to think that way. I've compared my social affect to that of my peers constantly and kept seeing myself modeling off of female behavior. When I was a teenager my voice went from a wonderful alto to a cursed bass range, and no matter how much I've practiced since then it will never pass. 

Back in the Christian 90s it was not even remotely socially acceptable. The only ways to gender swap were to either half-ass it with Drag or to get a really shitty job done somewhere like Tijuana. As I got older I began to learn about the wonders of testosterone and estrogen, but that was not nearly as available to the public as it's become. With the current trans trend though it's been nice to see other people who fall in between the cracks rather than just the paragons of both sides' chemical balances. My parents are low T with my mother high E, which seems to have rubbed off on me in a similar way. 

It was jarring to me to see people fighting for trans rights after I'd effectively given up on that facet of myself, and even with the current social climate I still carry the Christian 90s shame over it from that being my formative years. The folks have been accepting of the idea while a bit squick over thinking about it, which is the best I can ask for without someone lying about how they feel. 

I tend to let the other person just call me whatever gender they want, it's proven easier for conversation and gives them the room to telegraph their perceptions. Rather than be pushy about it beyond the range of debate I'd rather have a synergistic flow in the conversation, and it's easier to have synergy if I am not interrupting them over and over about "she" vs "he". I also aim for clothing that doesn't really telegraph a gender, have allowed myself long hair, and pick hairs off of me with tweezers and an epilator since I hate body hair on myself (it's fine on others, but on me it's wrong). 

In short, I've always felt this way, and it's been a battle to be more willing to say it to people overall. Expressing my belief there tends to have people aesthetically eye how much I don't look the part over how much harder it is to live as a woman than a man in society, while a few who are people readers over the course of my life have asked the question, even before trans trended, from seeing 'something's different here' about the mannerisms and thinking. 

People afraid of women who are comfortable with men have tended to see me sort of like a bridge, as it's not 'that gender' while still offering the expectations in social situations you'd expect out of estrogen. 

Delora said:

I have been given the option of hormone therapy idk if I should do it it might change who I am idk

It does bring out different behaviors, and bodily changes too. There's pros and cons to it, and if they have you do T-Blockers you'll need to be wary of if you ever stop doing them. The changes are fairly welcome in my opinion though, but in the case of trans people it's a life long commitment. 

If the body is no longer ready to produce from either gender naturally you can become at risk of issues like Osteoporosis and abnormal weight gain. In your case however they're more likely to enhance the E-count you already have rather than reconfigure you entirely, so it's probably safer? 

I mostly have not undergone it over the pipedream that I might have a kid someday. 

Why do you not dress female presenting irl

I don't like being stared at if I'm projecting which aspects of me don't pass as if it's in their perceptions. I have an entire laundry list of discomforts over it, even down to worrying about weird shit like my upper arms not having enough fat on them. 

An "excuse me ma'am" feels nice in the moment, but then the next moment if I speak has them do a "WOAH WHAT" which always feels shitty. It's easier to dress the part of a 'man' where no one is looking to dress you down for all the things you did wrong, men can be ugly hairy disgusting animals from that being the expectation. 

It does make stuff like Rocky Horror really, really, really freeing however. 

Also Delora you said your husband is not a femboy and attacked femboys and then made a remark about your husband being a femboy later on. I know your husband is an ugly fuck so stop larping, immature asshole.

Delora said: 

When did you lose your virginity what's the story behind that? Was it a boy or a girl? Why? 

It was a girl, simply because who I date has been a matter of who's into me rather than me courting people. It's less about what's attractive to me and more about what's attractive about me towards this specific niche. I wasn't able to get off for the first week of attempts with a nymphomaniac, but eventually we succeeded. 

In a society where it is seen as more socially acceptable to be with someone of the opposite sex, alongside women being told they're not supposed to display as "The Pants", the people who end up into me are always domineering women who are looking for a femme person to be their second, rather than someone who's looking to be led. 

It helps too that I like pain, someone told to repress their sense of power being able to unleash it on 'a man' looks really liberating from their POV. Save for some hard lines that aren't to be crossed they can do almost anything to me. Usually after a year or so of this their boundaries over violence dissolve considerably, becoming women who'd hit random people as a matter of normal socializing in a natural way that, prior, they felt was "wrong". 

What is one good thing about being the way you are for you if any 

Men on the average are idiots, being that much less like them is a blessing. 

Do you think being trans drove you to have schizotypcal or does it not work that way and that's a silly question? 

Schizoaffective is genetic. 

How do you deal with body dysmorphia and what is your advice on it for someone else who might be? 

...I'm not sure if my advice is good, I'm not exactly happy with myself there. 

What is your favorite food?

Chocolate. 

How do you know that your brain is like a woman inside of it if you would have to read a woman's mind to know what it is like inside her brain? Or is it not like that? 

Femininity is a social construct built up by the median line of Estrogen balance and the contrasting results produced by Testosterone. While the social construct itself isn't real, the chemical balances can be mapped and even studied for how adjusting them changes the person. 

A cis-woman's struggles are moreover how they have never had to question the privilege of their gender while still being treated as second class citizens. A trans-woman's struggle is moreover a man trying to become said second class citizen to the confusion of those around them. The two have notable different struggles, which makes it worth splitting the difference between trans and cis, but when it comes to the personality connected to Estrogen vs Testosterone that struggle is more real. 

I've typically been more often with high T-count women, or women who strongly disliked men. All of them so far have been bisexual. 

Have you ever been in love? What was it like? 

It's sunken investment to the point of burying my own pain. 

I end up excusing a lot of fucked up shit until I'm single enough to process what's going on. 

Do you ever wish that you could get pregnant or no?

Yes, I am legitimately jealous of women for being able to go through that experience. 

It'd be nice if we could get Seahorse DNA into people through genetic engineering far enough to allow men to carry children. 

What about your personality do you consider to be female that lets you know you are not male but actually female to you? I for one think you act just like a woman I just want to know what your take is

What the hell is your profile picture?

Tofu Boy, PETA's parody of Super Meat Boy. 

The Super Meat Boy dev, rather than targeting them with lawsuits or whatever over how they made their protagonist directly into the games' villain with no subtlety, instead added Tofu Boy to their game looking as he does in the avatar pic with the worst stats the game's ever shown. 

Turncoat said: 

Delora said: 

When did you first realize that you were trans and what did that entail?

When I was five I already had odd ideas about my gender, and the thought never stopped persisting since then even when I really didn't want to think that way. I've compared my social affect to that of my peers constantly and kept seeing myself modeling off of female behavior. When I was a teenager my voice went from a wonderful alto to a cursed bass range, and no matter how much I've practiced since then it will never pass. 

I am so sorry that happened to you. When I was younger I had a time before I was put on hormone therapy that I started growing facial hair actually. And my voice did get low naturally but I actually learned how to speak high and now I have a 5+ octave which is a rare and coveted vocal range when singing. What was it like for you to have that low voice? Was it embarrassing? What emotions did you have? Did you feel strongly?

Back in the Christian 90s it was not even remotely socially acceptable. The only ways to gender swap were to either half-ass it with Drag or to get a really shitty job done somewhere like Tijuana.

I hear that. My family is extremely religious and growing up......ugh WOW. I was bullied in school even back then and that wasn't nearly as bad as the nineties as I am younger than you. But even back then it was odd or unheard of. One difference was I was obsessed with so many boy things I had to hide it to fit in with the girls and I still didn't. In fact oftentimes I found myself sexually attracted to the other girls and had thoughta and feelings no one taught me about and I didn't understand. I felt like a freak. I hated myself. I kissed a girl. People around me hated me. 

As I got older I began to learn about the wonders of testosterone and estrogen, but that was not nearly as available to the public as it's become. With the current trans trend though it's been nice to see other people who fall in between the cracks rather than just the paragons of both sides' chemical balances. My parents are low T with my mother high E, which seems to have rubbed off on me in a similar way. 

It can destroy your life. I had hormone therapy without consent and it was inconsistent and random in waves of getting none for two weeks and then suddenly getting a shit ton like two weeks worth all at once. The adults around me gave NO shits. None. And this started after I had already been going through puberty and developing more in a male direction without outside interference. But I guess they thought me being physically male with a vagina was going to be horrible and they didn't want me to be what I was effectively born as, they wanted my appearance to match what I had down there even though I had/have an undescended testicle. 

It was jarring to me to see people fighting for trans rights after I'd effectively given up on that facet of myself, and even with the current social climate I still carry the Christian 90s shame over it from that being my formative years. The folks have been accepting of the idea while a bit squick over thinking about it, which is the best I can ask for without someone lying about how they feel. 

Oh I know exactly what you mean. Before knowing I am just intersex I thought I was trans, and suddenly I went from feeling alone like the only one with seeing hundreds of people around me online being seen in the exact same way and expressing the same thoughts I was having. The only thing is I think it's gone to far now, but It was great at first.

I tend to let the other person just call me whatever gender they want, it's proven easier for conversation and gives them the room to telegraph their perceptions. Rather than be pushy about it beyond the range of debate I'd rather have a synergistic flow in the conversation, and it's easier to have synergy if I am not interrupting them over and over about "she" vs "he". I also aim for clothing that doesn't really telegraph a gender, have allowed myself long hair, and pick hairs off of me with tweezers and an epilator since I hate body hair on myself (it's fine on others, but on me it's wrong). 

Doesn't it make you uncomfortable at all being called he even a little bit or no? So basically you don't want to deal with people being inconsiderate. I always thought you didn't care either way. I only started calling you she becomes you seem so feminine to me and i don't really think about it.

In short, I've always felt this way, and it's been a battle to be more willing to say it to people overall. Expressing my belief there tends to have people aesthetically eye how much I don't look the part over how much harder it is to live as a woman than a man in society, while a few who are people readers over the course of my life have asked the question, even before trans trended, from seeing 'something's different here' about the mannerisms and thinking

Yeah I understand what you are saying. Have you ever wondered if you are intersex maybe, like me? There are apparently people who go being like me their entire lives without ever knowing it.

. 

People afraid of women who are comfortable with men have tended to see me sort of like a bridge, as it's not 'that gender' while still offering the expectations in social situations you'd expect out of estrogen. 

 WDYM? 

Turncoat said: 

What about your personality do you consider to be female that lets you know you are not male but actually female to you? I for one think you act just like a woman I just want to know what your take is

I tend to respond more to how others are behaving rather than staring at myself. With how others respond to me it's clear they're dealing with a femme affect in spite of what they're seeing in front of them. I've also been a few too many times allowed (or even insisted upon) to hang during "Girls Night Out", even with them not knowing of the trans thing, while any of my times with 'The Guys' has me like the awkward female +1 who doesn't really "get" a night out to watch UFC while messily eating buffalo wings and bro-fisting or whatever the fuck that weird shit is that MEN do to compensate. 

 

Bro fisting is fun as shit PewDiePie is the most amazing YouTuber of all time, my dude. 

 

I mean I want to socialize with men and usually guys are like "why is this woman talking to me" and I have a really hard time with women for multiple reasons I have stated many times in the past. Also wings are good especially hot wings wtf do you mean? I mean I don't think all men just watch UFC and eat wings I have met many whom I don't think to, but that's the more recent generation and to be fair I am younger than you. 

 

 

As a person obsessed with people watching and human dynamics, the symptoms of my peers tells me a lot of how I'm seen.

 

My being seen as 'A Man' is basically like me wearing makeup to have people ignore me as I blend in, even if I hate looking that way while insecure about doing otherwise much like women who hate yet wear makeup to not be singled out by society. Even there, if I speak for too long they begin to moreso 'wtf' at the social affect. 

My natural advantages lean more towards the feminine spectrum and I have imbalanced T vs E. As someone more distracted by people's minds than their bodies, that thought occurred surprisingly early in my life. 

What the hell is your profile picture?

Tofu Boy, PETA's parody of Super Meat Boy. 

The Super Meat Boy dev, rather than targeting them with lawsuits or whatever over how they made their protagonist directly into the games' villain with no subtlety, instead added Tofu Boy to their game looking as he does in the avatar pic with the worst stats the game's ever shown. 

 Are you vegetarian? 

Delora said:

Are you vegetarian?

No, Tofu Boy is just hilarious to me. My reduced meat eating is purely a matter of economics. 

I'll link related media: 

Peta's Parody: 


Meatboy's Response: 

TC is a cuck sissy beta with a crossdressing fetish

He doesnt see himself as a woman and sees himself as a man when talking about gender equality, and how he's dumber because he's a man