Not suicide encouragement, just wondering how you personally balance that the disappointments may still be stacking up.
oh I am completely at peace with all of that, and I am not suicidal anymore and I doubt that I ever will be again but by having gone through suicidal ideation in the past it has led to me not fearing death which is important for someone on the path that I am on
Why are you sad?
I thought that I was going to be mostly pain and torment free from now on because I thought that I had discovered healing methods that prevented pain and torment but it seems that I was wrong but spirit is turning me more compassionate and less egoic and at least that is progress
There's probably still a lot of pain and torment left, no?
unsure actually, what I was feeling passed pretty quickly still adjusting to having all sorts of spirits flowing through me you know ? I mean I have never been this open and unprotected before it is pretty wild and life is becoming more and more unpredictable
Not suicide encouragement, just wondering how you personally balance that the disappointments may still be stacking up.
oh I am completely at peace with all of that, and I am not suicidal anymore and I doubt that I ever will be again but by having gone through suicidal ideation in the past it has led to me not fearing death which is important for someone on the path that I am on
mostly spirit is just teaching me stuff these days I am going through training and initiation into becoming a practicing shaman
healingqueen:
spirit is mad at me still
healing is more than just minimizing pain and suffering
and I got in my ego because I figured out really good methods to minimize pain and suffering and spirit is like that is not enough
what the fuck is enough then it is never enough for them is it
what do they WANT from me
my ego is taking a massive hit this is soo humiliating
never again letting my ego take the credit for anything
never fucking again
ooh my god
Xadem:
stop
healingqueen:
I have no control over any of this it is the spirits
I try to do anything and they smash my ego
I have no genuine freewill
I never have they have been doing this shit to me since birth
that's why sometimes I get so pissed that I try to find a way to get killed or kill myself
you try saying "No" to the spirits that control me and watch how fast your world collapses
they do not even let me die
I get no break from this shit
they want me to become the leader of America
they tell me that as their vessel I am more powerful than the entire control structure over America and the world and to be honest I believe it
I have seen some shit
You're narrating Intrusive Thoughts.
'The Spirit' is you going through Splitting, as you look back at your former behaviors and find yourself not identifying with them. You even before referring to this as 'The Spirit' referred to it as Reptilians and Demons.
Your change in terminology towards more neutral words shows you beginning to identify more with it, and at the end of the tunnel tends to have the one on the journey realize how much of it was their own doing and their own responsibility in spite of context having those moments be out of their control.
I know it's going to sound nuts, but I actually see this as a slight improvement from where you used to be. While in both sets of behaviors you recognize it as yourself acting on these decisions, before you entirely identified with them and at most blamed your opposition for provoking you effectively, if not some form of blatant projection. You would then blame Satan for your actions and pain as to direct it towards a singular scapegoat.
Now you see it as you acting unlike yourself, and the only thing eluding you is what to attribute towards it as a cause.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/erasing-stigma/202002/understanding-intrusive-thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that seem to pop into your mind out of nowhere. Such thoughts can take the form of any number of offensive ideas. The content is commonly violent, sexually explicit, or otherwise socially inappropriate. These thoughts may be directed towards loved ones, people who are close by, or oneself.
Some examples of common intrusive thoughts include:
1. The sudden image of harming your child or other loved one, despite having no intention or desire to do so.
2. The thought of performing a sexual act with someone, despite it being inappropriate and/or lacking attraction towards that person.
3. The sudden urge to yell obscenities or expose oneself in public.
4. A fleeting, unexpected urge to jump when standing on a bridge.
The unwanted and unexpected nature of intrusive thoughts separates them from other types of thoughts, like worries, ruminations, or desires. In fact, intrusive thoughts are often so contrary to one’s character and wishes that the person is distressed or disgusted by the thoughts.
