My father died 2 weeks ago in the hands of my mother, she was helping him eat, in a room next to where I was. I had helped them 15 minutes prior, to move him in a seating position.
May peace be upon him.
The prodical daughter has returned
I try to but it is difficult. One of my favorite sayings goes like this:
No one becomes a prophet in their own village; no doctor heals those who know him.
In my experience this is very true as I find that even though I try to be skillful and I am not dumb and even though I possess wisdom that they do not have I am powerless or very limited in my ability to help them. I think helping has two aspects: Helping in aspiration and helping in action. I can't really help them in action sometimes but I can work on my intention, perception and compassion towards them (which is challenging nonetheless).
Thank you all.
My father died 2 weeks ago in the hands of my mother, she was helping him eat, in a room next to where I was. I had helped them 15 minutes prior, to move him in a seating position.
You seem to be taking it fairly well.
I am fairly certain I am on the psychopathic spectrum and I liked my father and wished him well, but I never felt much, good or bad for him.
I felt more sadness for the rest of my family, watching their grief, but even at the funeral, I couldn't get visibly emotional, while so many people around me were. It made me uncomfortable tbh, that I am not getting emotional. And that was my most emotional day.
I can be extremely emotional, but my brain is very selective.
Otherwise, it's usually just anger and variations of it that I feel more intensely. The rest is shallow compared to other people.
Even after over a decade of trying to figure it out, I am still unsure about my emotions fully. Why I am like that, how different am I and should I do something about it and whatnot. I decided to just accept whatever it is and adapt to it now. But I still get curious about it.
On the topic, I've been helping my father and mother for 2 years with his illness. I will always have a connection with my mother, she has helped me in many ways and I want her to know I appreciate it, plus she can still help me in the future.
i mean, what kinda upbringing did you have? i do not get psychopath vibes from you at all. more so detached emotionally, but not the lack of empathy and manipulativeness that usually comes with aspd
I am not AsPD, it's more likely I could get an SPD dx.
But AsPD is not the same as a psychopath, and psychopath is not even an official term. I am not manipulative(in personal relationships, but I can be in other types), or impulsive in general (I have a few moments).
Emotional detachment is there for sure. I also do not think I have a lot of affectionate empathy towards most people, I have it to an extent, but I think I can ignore it with ease if I choose to. I try to be nice to people because it is usually better to be nice unless I have a reason not to be. I do deeply care about my few friends.
In addition to that, over the years I've read articles about psychopaths that I relate to, like being able to switch on and off empathy, having strong emotions only to select people, and how anger manifests (where ur skin doesn't get redder and you don't sweat, and you can still think clearly, and it usually seems to come out of nowhere and lasts only a few seconds/minutes).
I tortured a cat when I was younger and had this idea in my head for a while to find more cats to torture. I love cats now tho, yet I can't say I feel regret about what I did. I can't do such a thing now. Cats really do make me happy now and are the only animal I can't watch abuse videos of. I like random cats way way more than random people.
And I really do not care about social norms in general, but this one I'd say is the smallest symptom. Because of this I even thought I could be autistic, but I was asocial by choice until I chose otherwise, and learned a lot about social interaction, something autistic people can't do (+ I have no sensitivity issues to stimuli or tantrums for the more severe cases). I can still sound autistic, but not in a clinical sense lol. I still care that people don't think I am weird in a bad way.
I do not think I am very high on the psychopath spectrum if I am there at all, but I think I might be on it. I do experience fear(but fuck me if I know if it's more or less or right at the average), but over the years it has become less and less, could be because I am way more confident in myself too. The fact I do experience fear is probably why I was/am not so impulsive.
It is like borderline psychopathic tendencies, I lack the impulsiveness that would have had me do things to solidify them.
i think hurting animals is an indicator not a definite symptom. you could have traits but i definitely dont see psychopath. i turn off my empathy all the time, did it recently and the person was literally shocked to their core that i had nothing to give them where i had been very kind and compassionate before. unfortunately they were a manipulative cunt and that's where my kindness ends.
i love that u love cats btw
i think hurting animals is an indicator not a definite symptom. you could have traits but i definitely dont see psychopath. i turn off my empathy all the time, did it recently and the person was literally shocked to their core that i had nothing to give them where i had been very kind and compassionate before. unfortunately they were a manipulative cunt and that's where my kindness ends.
i love that u love cats btw
You are probably right and that's my conclusion too, but events like the one that happened recently do make me wonder again.
And yes, I love cats so fucking much.
You know now that I think about it, I even had moments where I felt bad for cawk, because of the way I fucked him up.
My parents will never be in a nursing home, neither my biological parents nor my adopted one. All adult family members will be put in a tiny house on my land and I will work my ass off to ensure this. Nursing homes are hell on earth and I will commit whatever form of victimless crime, or endless hard work to ensure my family will not end up in a home or institution much like the one some of them once put me in. Vengeance is a pointless beast and I have learned it's a hell no one deserves. Take the previous statement both ways.
