What is the meaning of being female?
After my divorce, I have had some time to think about my sexuality.
I seem to be attracted to women, after all, and not men, like I previously thought. I was in a relationship with a guy, but it felt "wrong." So I'm definitely not attracted to men, even if I sometimes have trouble understanding women. After some soul-searching, however, I realized that I am a woman.
Honestly, I really regret that I divorced my wife. After I discussed with her, she doesn't want to have me back. I'm not angry that she doesn't want me, I'd understand after I effectively gave her a big F u by wanting to divorce her after 8 years of relationship and having kids. I think at least partly she feels odd because I am now a woman, and she is straight. She doesn't want to date a woman. But my point is that I didn't suddenly become a woman, I always was a woman.
It's such a drag, but I'm now trying to get a certificate that says that I am a woman and to make it retroactive, so I was actually always a woman, to prove that she was already in a relationship with a woman when she was with me. I'm hoping she will not find dating a woman so weird if I have a certificate that proves that I was already a woman when she started dating me. But honestly I don't think it will work. She's not reading my texts.
It's really surprising to me that I found out that I am a woman, because I don't feel feminine at all. I feel very masculine. I do most things that men, not women, do, like I enjoy cars, boxing, etc. I also like women. I think that's why this has been so confusing for me. It really took me by surprise.
I'm full of regret. Honestly, in a bit of a dark place right now.
Any help/encouraging words? I feel awful.