Sociopath Community

and I get so paranoid that I will be tortured and killed but then it never happens  Idk why but I have always been paranoid about that my whole life  maybe because deep down I really am quite an innocent female,  a good girl type  and there are so many people who have evil violent intentions out there

but my ex tried to kill me towards the end of our relationship and it did not work soo idk  I probably am spiritually protected but I still feel scared

compassionatequeen said: 

and I get so paranoid that I will be tortured and killed but then it never happens  Idk why but I have always been paranoid about that my whole life  maybe because deep down I really am quite an innocent female,  a good girl type  and there are so many people who have evil violent intentions out there

Where do you think the fear the lies?  Is it that one can not be entirely sure about people's motivations, except that it seems more often than not that they are selfish or self-serving (by default)?  (So, a certain cynicism of human behavior and intent, and that fear related to gambling with odds knowing that things are stacked against you.)

Tracing the fear and its triggers will help toward strategies against it.

Even if you have evidence of things working out and being protected (as you say), it's still a human response to have fears.  Even if the fears turn out irrational, it will probably be beneficial to bring light to places where you need to heal and grow.

tbh men tend to feel like wanting to kill what cannot be conquered,  and for whatever reason men always seem to feel like they cannot conquer me  hence why men like Spatial Mind is a more recent example want to try to "break me"  (his words)  by calling me all sorts of horrible things and saying that he wants to do violent things to me like strangle me and so on  and you know I reached a time in my life where I started treating men the same way that they treated me (just innocently being myself which is apparently a "challenge" to them)  and started calling them horrible things and making violent threats towards them  (although I never would have acted on them,  I am too innocent for that type of behavior and have never caused permanent or bruise or blood inducing physical damage to anyone in my life,  I am just not that type of person)  

so my fear of this is for a reason,  because men see me as a threat just for me being my normal harmless self,  but obviously even more of a threat when I am making active threats towards them which I only ever started doing because of becoming sick of their abusive behavior towards me just because of seeing me as unconquerable,  but now I am back to not making threats or doing anything aggressive again because I have tried to forgive

but I still fully expect men to want to plot ways to try to harm or kill me because that has been my entire experience in life in every single intimate physical relationship that I have been with a man  (and plenty of threats from men online too for example Spatial Mind most recently)

oh and some control obsessed women have done this type of stuff towards me too,  for example my most recent roommate

I suppose that I make people feel out of control just by being my normal self and that scares them,  and they react in all sorts of horrible ways towards me and this has been my lifelong experience

Well, the feelings of men aside, and having to do with changes of your own behavior: are you feeling more vulnerable, you mean, because of this?

That then would lead into how you feel about men when you were vulnerable...

I feel more vulnerable today because I am not actively making threats towards people anymore because I am trying to forgive

tbh it is this lifelong experience for me that eventually led to myself coming to the conclusion that I might be an incarnated siren or a goddess or something supernatural

Not to take a tangent, but are you aware of Tomie?

Essentially, an immortal woman (of whatever origin) that drives men berserk eventually.