Sociopath Community

More about this pls

Blanc said:

new career, new connections, new educational settings, new mentors. New hobbies.

Blanc said: 

Where the hell have I gone? The chronicles of blanc are no more? Not true. 

I never gave up in my beliefs there. 

A lot has changed. Some things haven’t. I have lost 20 pounds. Since quitting anti-depressants (SSRI, lexapro). 

How long until the next meds though? 

I’m going to keep it straight. Journaling, Now it just feels so gay to me, and I couldn’t care less.

But it also is more transcendental than that, and that’s the part I can’t really explain and I don’t know if I want to bother to. Either you get it or you don’t. 

Aka your rationale for when others disagree with you. 

Rebuking others for simply not sharing your opinion is a quick way to resist change. 

Med said: 

More about this pls

Blanc said:

new career, new connections, new educational settings, new mentors. New hobbies.

Yeah... once she hits 'the facts' she starts vague with that and then goes in depth about areas of fluff while passively displaying her processing problems. 

Makes one wonder if it's real or just her fantasizing out loud again. 

That's pretty cool, I hope everything she said is true. Cheering for you!

Transformation. All knowledge. Just like I've been saying. -_-

When I'm busy I scram from here too. Except no one misses me, but that's okay cause I have things to do, except now. I'm retired for the next 6-12 months.

Found myself working as a medical assistant and doing surgical assisting as well. I work extremely long hours, to say the least. And started noticing some strange details, let’s just put it that way. 

It took me all of two weeks to put it together that there was definitely some stealing and fraud going on in the facility. It’s actually really common in medical settings, I kind of look at this way. “Everyone is hacking.”

In order to survive as a practice in these times, there are certain ways to cheat. And the paperwork lies, and it’s all to cover their own ass in the case of law suits, and to scam insurance companies, their patients, out of as much money as possible. Just to survive, they are stealing from the pharmacy. There is an over prescription of narcotics, and an extremely high patient volume- almost sacrificing patient care. Sacrificing patient care for the sake of, contracts signed with expensive pharma- prescribing them 8 tubes of an ointment at 200 dollars- when they only needed 1, and there is a *medically proven* better alternative, at 1/4th the cost! 

But I didn’t bat an eye lash at any of this, I’ve heard worse. It was the law suits that made me uncomfortable. This place has law suits out the wazoo, and one of them, resulted in a patient having an unnecessary amputation yes you read that correctly. It makes my blood boil. All of their staff quit at the time of this law suit because they were blamed for it- by the doctor- so the doctor could protect themselves and their practice. 

But it comes down to negligent patient care, at its finest. The fraudulence and over prescription or pharma deals in the medical community run rampant, and deep. So complaining about one facility- you’re not really blowing any whistles. Everyone knows. One of the surgeons who works here is on the board of directors, for gods sake. It’s not like this is an isolated incident. And they all get together for drinks, and comedy shows, and golf- laughing all the way to the bank. I shit you not. 

Oh, I am jaded. The behavior, is disposable. Their character, is obsolete. Not to say that anyone is perfect, but I certainly expected more, and was greatly disappointed. I’ve learned the hard way, that good people, really good, people are hard to come by. And even, people with phD’s in saving lives, may be morally reprehensible or bankrupt- selfish, and manipulative just like the rest of the world is. The “assholes” are everywhere, everywhere- *especially* where there is opportunity, for six zeros, and, dollar signs. It doesn’t matter what profession, or what walk of life. And I found that sort of bewildering. 

Anyways, I always wanted to write a book or something but I just didn’t know what to write about. But this… this I could rant and rave about I suppose. I keep finding myself, in these situations of utmost moral depravity, and I’m usually the only one noticing or giving a shit, enough to do *anything* about it. 

People turn the other cheek. At first I thought, wow, I care about this negligence case. I care about this patient. I thought maybe if I could find some details that this place was full of fraud and thieves that it would help their case. So I dug around and listened very carefully and payed very very close attention to every detail of what was going on. 

Trying to figure it out. Eventually I was given the keys to a very lovely storage room filled with boxes, tall shelves far above my head. And little by little, I’d finger through the paper work. Boxes labeled, “records.” “Batch reports.” Etc. And found, well, a huge money hole, a lot of scamming as I mentioned, over billing patients, things like this. Insurance fraud. Etc. 

At first I thought it was the clerical staff so I paid close attention there. Realized yes, they were stealing, usually a few thousand at a time. Right out of the bank account. It’s complicated how they pulled it off, but basically, there was no checks and balances. So, it was really easy for them. They were given a book, and they cooked that book so hard- and for so long. So there is no record of them stealing it. But I watched it with my own eyes. 

But there was more than that. Eventually I figured out, the now previous management was embezzling. Big time. Big time. Lol 

Anyways, this place is dripping in illegal stuff. I kind of just played dumb and was a good mole. I was talking to a lawyer about it all, because there was an area of major concern which was the over prescribing of narcotics (these docs should be black listed by now) but- they are getting away with it by using the names of various staff members on the prescriptions so their paper trail doesn’t look so noticeable. Including mine. My name. Yuck! 

And they are also flat out lying on their patient notes, for insurance purposes or for protecting themselves from future law suits, and on top of that the patient notes are often not fully accurate. They are not cross checking medications, before prescribing them- often prescribing patients without even seeing their face or checking their chart… narcotics. 

So the lawyer said to me, after I brought them all my documented proof and digging, “you should be a private eye, most people don’t even notice these sort of details.” 

I thought oh that’s silly, to be one of those or to be any good at it you have to have decades of experience. What the heck do I know. But then another situation presented itself to me- two at one time this time. 

And I’m like, oh god, here we go. Lol This last one took me a month to unravel. 

I have to get to work right now, but I’ll be back to finish. 

Golden_Eagle said: 

Transformation. All knowledge. Just like I've been saying. -_-

She's gone on about this sort of thing before while staying largely the same. 

It's one thing to talk about it while it's another to actually experience it. 

Turncoat said: 

Golden_Eagle said: 

Transformation. All knowledge. Just like I've been saying. -_-

She's gone on about this sort of thing before while staying largely the same. 

It's one thing to talk about it while it's another to actually experience it. 

 

 Exactly why I am continuing my recovery everyday, I’m still new at “growth” and though I am beginning to experience it, I technically have been all along it’s just been quite an overhaul or a long time coming for me to reach a point where it’s actually making “marked change” as I kind of mentioned in the original post. 

The changes have occurred in my disposition and in my behavior, the way I process, my perspective.

Some areas to be specific for example that have been on my mind lately are: EQ, maturity, self responsibility, self awareness. Accountability. 

Every week though I’m sort of taking inventory and figuring out what can I work on, and reflecting a lot, and then reflecting again on what I reflected on. 

But it’s done through specific programs so the perspective through which I’m reflecting is more guided and helps bring understanding and awareness in a more full and progressive way… 

I have really great mentors and people to look up to, and amazing support as well. And that’s something I’m always seeking out…good people. lots of service. A lot of connection, with people. A lot of research and reading. A lot of trying new places and new things. 

There’s a balance to it but also, a bit of true grit. Hard work as well. I’m serious, seeking out a bit of work. Is a form of catharsis for me. And of course balancing that with other important forms of catharsis. 

Ultimately though it’s the recovery program itself that is making the largest difference in like, what you’re concerned with which was the “notable differences”

So, it may have started becoming noticeable to people in person. Like, the title of this thread is literally work in progress so. It’s always been, a work in progress and I still very much so am. 

But I’ve definitely noticed the changes since I’ve started pursuing recovery, and then people closest to me noticed changes, but the less obvious or more dee seated and shadow-work-ish type stuff, it’s kind of the last thing to click into place for whatever reason but 

I’ve begun that work and as I continue it… I mean, I notice definite change. It’s difficult to put into words, but I suppose, if I was still sharing my post-meeting journals, or daily journals, thats where you would see sort of what I’m talking about in terms of what’s been changing, and shadow-work-stuff. It’s a lot to just dive into and bullet point it all out? It’s a lot to put into words. 

But yeah… I would have to like recap over this weeks meeting journal thoughts and stuff for example to sort of get more into what I mean. Lol 

It’s not one of those things where you can just read my mind and know what I’m talking about, it’s very personal I suppose. I’ve gotten quite personal on here so it’s hard to imagine there is stuff that hasn’t been talked about or shared, but yeah, there is. 

Meeting journals are super personal. Haha, but that’s kind of like. The most important thing with the most, significant information and the core of all the issues it’s all there for the most part and then the rest comes from out patient therapy. Which again is, very personal stuff

Its funny because, I kept waiting, for something to click and to “get it” in regard to recovery. Someone told me, don’t worry about that. Just do all the stuff and “get it” later. Lol. And now it’s later right so, and I’m starting to kind of “get it” and the desired changes are happening. It all comes down to like, mind set. And… yeah so a lot about my “mind set” has changed. If I could sort of put it as succinctly as possible. It’s really complicated- but it’s also really simple at the same time. Lol 

And to anyone reading this in recovery… ODAAT

oh gosh yes I needed this reminder today  one day at a time really helps to keep everything in perspective  like we as human beings have to be realistic that a lot of changes to our psyches take some time to adapt and adjust to and we should be gentle and patient and loving with ourselves for best results