It is not and I will tell you why, I have extreme skepticism and trust issues and I can barely trust Jesus all that I have were my visions and the experiences of being spiritually raped by Satan and what if these were all manic episodes ? It is driving me insane to think that all of this might just be manic episodes but "manic episodes" seems to be such a limited and primitive understanding of psychology and of human supernatural spiritual experiences like visions our understanding has advanced since the cavemen days but like, we still are not all knowing and we do not know what causes all of these supernatural experiences so I am left questioning all that I have experience this last year and a half am I insane or is all of this real ? Why did Jesus say that he would not drink from the fruit of the vine again until in the Kingdom at the feast with all of his saints but then drank sour wine vinegar right before his death ? Am I misunderstanding what he said or is there a contradiction ? Did he mean like, after his death ? Was the Greek not translated correctly ? Was it symbolic ? Why did he have to drink the vinegar could he have just not ? because I am confused and struggling to trust now because of this
It is stuff like this that probably keeps me weak but what am I supposed to do when I am highly intelligent and I tend to overthink and be very skeptical and see things from many different perspectives and overanalyze everything and struggle to trust anything............
That part I underlined. I just wanted to say, yeah that matters too. You have to offer more than doubt, which is the case with just about anything really.
The trust issues you're experiencing is part of your condition in particular.
Is it demonic or mental disorder ? Or maybe in the modern secular world, demonic possession is excused as mental disorder, which would be a convenience for such malicious agendas.
Mental disorders are actually quite orderly. The are common from person to person.
Mental disorders do not function like a mentally impaired retarded person. Mental disorders commonly challenge the hosts principals. Self destruction with precision. BPD in particular can hurt certain spectators. People who are immature of mind, or people who are less forgiving should probably steer clear of BPD, because they too will find dispare, like heartbreak. The BPD seems to learn toward the negative aspects of relations. Some wonder if a BPD can even love. I say yes, but you carry a lot of weight on your shoulders, so it's unlikely you'll offer sympathy to others when they are fishing for it. In turn you company is prone to feeling unloved, and both of you set sail for ruin.
Whatever the case going on in your head, you may not be trusting of Christ now. Possibly Christ was just another person you had in the temporary idealization stage ? What I mean to say. Stability is how you were meant to be, therefore being stable is the right way, so that current thought process you're in has to be the wrong way.
Rest more. No one here really sleeps much, and if we don't rest we'll pretty much go insane. If you sleep you'll feel better.
I know you know right and wrong, so if you don't trust Christ, you can at least agree with his teachings. You're intuitive enough to know those principles are key to sustaining an eternal life, with the stress of subtle imperfections/negativities trolling us in timelessness.
For you, I would say don't worry about Christ or Satan or Michael when you're like that. Just focus on you for now.
I think the problem is you keep mixing 2 masters. Yes you say Jesus, but you always seem to let Satan back in. The Lord said we cannot serve 2 masters we'll idolize 1 and resent the other. For your it could mean your mind will start splitting.
Go back to what feels right. It doesn't work for you when you lose trust in Christ. It sounds easier said than done, but you can see the way. It's there, and you might realize you're doing it to yourself.
Of course I can only guess what it's like being you, but I do have a mind too, so I know things like how to recover from freaky situations.
