Sociopath Community

my biological father coincidentally started making plans to move to South America when he learned that I was starting trauma and Internal Family Systems therapy and he will be officially moved out of the continent by August 1st,  what a freaking coincidence right ?

IT IS A BLESSING BUT ALSO ALL THE MORE REASSURING WHICH JUST MAKES ME FEEL EVEN MORE SICK TO MY STOMACH

(also this sick f*** learned about IFS before I did probably for the explicit purpose of learning probably how to manipulate children and prevent them from remembering and to gaslight and in alidate them,  and myself as well,  he was one of the first people who told me about IFS,  the very first being some people at the dual diagnosis treatment center in hollywood hills that I went to)

I REALLY DO NOT KNOW HOW I AM GOING TO BE ABLE TO MAKE IT THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT REPRESSING THE TRUTH AND MOST OF MY CHILDHOOD ANYMORE  I MEAN I HAVE BARELY BEEN LIVING MY ENTIRE LIFE BECAUSE OF HAVING TO REPRESS MY CHILDHOOD,  BUT I DID NOT FEEL SAFE TO NOT DO THAT AND I DO NOT KNOW ANY OTHER WAY AND I AM SO SCARED AND REPULSED AND I DO NOT FEEL SAFE

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HOW DO I FORGIVE THIS MONSTER THAT IS MY INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILIC BIOLOGICAL FATHER ?  HOW?  I DO NOT SEE A PRACTICAL,  LOGICAL WAY HOW  IT IS SO REPULSIVE AND DISGUSTING ESPECIALLY BECAUSE HE PROFESSED TO BE A CHRISTIAN AND OBVIOUSLY WAS A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING JUST LIKE QUINTASIA,  AND MY EX BOYFRIEND PHILL,  AND THAT FEMALE ROOMMATE THAT JUST TRIED TO PRISTITUTE ME OUT UNDER SUBTLE DEATH DESTRUCTION TO MY PROPERTY THREATS,  AND SO ON  ALL OF THESE FAKE CHRISTIANS THAT PROFESS TO HAVE FAITH IN GOD BUT SHOW ONLY FRUITS OF THE WORLD AND IN FACT A LOT OF TIMES BEHAVE EVEN MORE CORRUPTED AND DISGRACEFUL THAN THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WHO DO NOT EVEN HAVE FAITH IN JESUS  IT IS SO REPULSIVE AND DISGUSTING AND I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FORGIVE PEOPLE WHO LIVE LIFESTYLES OF CONTINUED UNREPENTENCE AND FRUITS OF UNRIGHTEOUSNESS AND UNGODLINESS SUCH AS THESE,  JESUS HOW DO I FORGIVE THEM I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO PLEASE GIVE ME WISDOM I DO NOT UNDERSTAND I AM SO CONFUSED PLEASE HELP ME I DO NOT UNDERSTAND PLEASE GIVE ME DISCERNMENT PLEASE MAKE ME WISE BECAUSE I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW TO REACT TOWARDS PEOPLE SUCH AS THESE  😭  JESUS I REALLY DO NOT THINK THAT I CAN GENUINELY FORGIVE THEM I REALLY DO NOT THINK THAT I CAN SO WHAT SHOULD I DO DOES THIS MEAN THAT I CANNOT BE A CHRISTIAN THEN OR WHAT BECAUSE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FORGIVE THEM AND THERE JUST TO BE NO JUSTICE IN ALL OF THESE SITUATIONS LIKE THERE IS SOMETHING SO WRONG WITH THAT COME ON YOU CANNOT EXPECT ME TO BE OKAY WITH NO CONSEQUENCES FOR ANY OF THIS THERE HAVE TO BE SOME CONSEQUENCES FOR ALL OF THE EVIL AND WICKEDNESS DONE IN YOUR NAME,  I CAN UNDERSTAND IF IT WAS DONE OUTSIDE OF YOUR NAME JESUS BUT ALL OF THIS WAS BEING DONE BY PEOPLE CLAIMING YOU AS THEIR GOD JESUS,  COME ON SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A GOD OF DISCIPLINE AND JUSTICE TOO NOT JUST FORGIVENESS SO DISCIPLINE THESE PEOPLE JESUS WHAT ARE YOU DOING DO SOMETHING PLEASE  😭

I mean surely there must be a reason other than sadism as to why God and Jesus would show you these things. 

I have not had to relive any traumatic childhood memories yet but I am just sensing that it is probably going to be encouraged by Jesus to happen soon,  I am very very good at repressing traumatic memories but It is why I have so many memory issues to the point that I can barely function in day to day life and and I am confused a lot of the time

remembering dates and times that things happened has especially been a joke for me  I do not usually have "blackout periods"  (unless a lot of drinking or benzos were involved),  but as far as memory recall yeah my memory recall is the worst I have ever seen in a person other than maybe the elderly with Alzheimers and dementia

Not trying to be offensive with the question, but how do you know it happened without an outside source of confirmation? 

There was a concern back in the 90s for psychotherapy over the room to suggest memories that were not there over asking the patient in such a way as to suggest it were the case. Memory is a very moldable thing, it can outright reinvent the perception of a blurry memory when given room to be recontextualized, and this was being used to both steer witnesses with intentionally worded questioning as well as to coach witnesses (especially children) to recall a thing differently than how it'd occurred. Up to a certain point it's not considered a lie to say what you recall if the testimony given by the witness is not otherwise intentionally dishonest. 

It is always worth considering that our memory is not infallible, it is prone to forgetting and mutating of the experience the more it's thought on and given room to mix in with the context of what made the memory reoccur. Just because you experience a memory does not mean that that memory must therefor be accurate, it is usually good to find an outside source of confirmation, like in this case your mother or something, if not making some sort of record about the experience as close to the time it happened as possible. 

because of the plentiful secondary evidence,  and I am not going to go into detail  when you know,  you know,  and you do not need a single other person to verify what you know and I do not care what anyone else has to say about it

but the point is,  that I have purposefully kept myself from being able to 100 percent prove to even myself the truth until I reached safety  and I am almost at safety which is why my biological father is fleeing the continent  safety is having emotional and financial support from people who are not my biological mother and I am so very very close  It is soooooooooooo close to coming to fruition and that is why Jesus is preparing me that the memories might start coming to my conscious awareness in the near future

JesusistheKing said: 

because of the plentiful secondary evidence, 

How much of it is physical rather than spiritual? 

100 percent of it you creep