This does not make me a retard, it is extremely difficult for me to not do this at time and I wish I could stop but I get upset really bad sometimes and I don't know how to fucking deal with it, at that time, all I can think about is bashing my head into a wall
It's a compulsive response to stress, the only way to get past it is to try to associate a different gesture with it by forcing yourself to do a different thing every time the feeling occurs enough times to override the association.
Snapping a rubber band on my wrist used to be my go-to for a surprising amount of overrides.This is my what I want to do though I want to SMASH
It gets easier as the new behavior stops feeling as forced.
I had a bad habit of this too growing up, left a wall dent in one classroom. The mind just overloads and needs sweet release, then the urge to bash the head into the wall occurred alongside other stimming behaviors preceding them like nail biting.Are you autistic
No, headbanging is present in a lot of disorders, even in some NTs.