I'm having a personal crisis lately. I feel empty inside often, stressed, hard to get excited or happy, and sometimes completely emotionless. I don't know what to do about it. I know I used to have more personality and more energy. Sure I was more scattered but I miss that. I feel like I expended all of my life's well of energy in 2018 when I started Adderall. I went so close to the sun that year that I've burned myself out like Icarus. But I'm not even talking about 2018 me, I'm talking about high school me. That's the me I miss. Can this Adderall shit be reversed? Could it be something else? I've been going over it in my mind trying to figure it out.
It's so bad that I've even brought back old habits in hopes that it'll somehow resurrect my old mindstate... Like getting up at 7 AM and drinking a shit ton of coffee like I did in High School every day and listening to the same music I did then. Actually that kind of worked but I still feel.... Not quite the same, but it kind of helped. Maybe I just need to bring back that kind of getting up early and being busy lifestyle. But I really think I need to quit this Adderall shit. I've even considered trying psychedelic drugs like DMT in hopes it'll bring a good change to my mind because of the state it is in. I feel trapped in an alternative version of myself that isn't really me at all, and I have for a couple years now.
I'm not sure. I know some of you knew me back before the Adderall. What happened to me, did you notice a change? What caused this? Is there any hope of saving myself? I'm at a loss.
