Sociopath Community

Wow this is a lot. 

I'm going to break this post into little pieces to try to make it easier on myself, and I'm going to go about this patiently instead of rushing it. 

JesusistheKing said: 

https://www.learnreligions.com/legend-of-lilith-origins-2076660

The thing is, I don't think I was Adam's first wife. I think this is a lie from Satan.

How did Satan's lies reach the holy texts though, and for what purpose? 

What does that lie even accomplish? It otherwise fits the general Biblical themes of women trying to be autonomous being synonymous with evil, so why would that one portion solely be Satancraft? 

Mostly reading as convenience to me, the ability for you to look at any contradictory text and say it must be the work of Satan seems like an easy way to fall upon Blasphemy. What's the point of holy texts if Satan can just inject lies into the texts? What would stop him from doing damages like swapping the names Satan and God around for example? I'd imagine it being significantly easier for Satan to convince you that legitimate passages are lies rather than altering the texts themselves for everyone. 

I still feel like God and Satan risk being the same entity, especially when you look at some of God's early work. 

I think that I've always been the divine Mother, I just quickly became prideful, left my husband out of not wanting to be controlled, like Satan, and gave my power to Satan out of anger when my husband punished me for rebelling, or my husband just turned me into a female Satan-like being, essentially I used to be Satan's wife / female counterpart.

But you just said the marriage was a lie... right? 

Also when did Adam have the ability to shapeshift other people? I'm pretty sure he was still limited to the laws of man, save for immortality being a thing and veganism being more predominant. 

I also don't recall any mention of Lilith giving up her power, in fact what she represented showcases the opposite. I'd argue that her keeping her activities to the shadows (when she'd steal babies and stuff) isn't an expression of weakness, but rather one of cunning. 

but I truly feel like I have no power of my own, with Satan or with Jesus, except I guess I probably have a spiritual influence over all of humanity

Your need to proclaim that you're powerful will never be a Christian value, especially as a woman. It's an expression of ego that you seem to struggle to let go of, a cope you've always fallen on during hard times that's proving impossible for you to let go of. There's literally religions that recognize a divine female aspect, lots of them. Why does it have to be Christianity, a religion that clearly contradicts your desires and copes? 

There are religions that are totes cool with you being some aspect of the divine, but that won't be Christianity. This isn't Hinduism where there's tons of gods, in Christianity they don't even proclaim reincarnation. In this structure it's just about The Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit, and to claim you're an equal to any of them is madness as far as their lore is concerned. What you're doing right now constitutes False Idolatry, and there's a lot of people who claim similar contact from the divine who aren't all on the same page that others would brush off as possession or devil trickery or whatever. 

Seriously, there's tons of people who think they've spoken with God or Jesus, but sometimes you have to wonder which ones really did versus didn't once they start to contradict The Bible itself, beyond the bounds it offers for interpretation, such as if someone tried to say in the here and now that Jesus/God wanted them to perform an assassination as 'divine intervention' or 'retribution' or something. Within the lore it'd beg the question over if it's you speaking with Jesus at all, rather than The Serpent disguised as 'an angel of light'. 

If you're seeing a white Jesus then it's probably Satan. 

JesusistheKing said: 

It clearly isn't that powerful because as I'm being healed and cleansed of unrighteousness many of the human beings around me seem to be just as depraved as ever unfortunately, like I have not noticed my transformation having much of an impact on persuading humanity to be less sinful, 

Why not worry over yourself for a bit before worrying about others? 

If you don't love yourself there'll be no love to spread towards them, no example set for others to model off of. 

but it is just the beginning of my transformation still yet, I am so confused on if I have any power of influence at all at this point, like it kind of just feels like I'm a witness and a worshipper of either Satan and evil or Jesus and benevolence more than anything

Everyone has influence, but I'd dare to say yours is likely not supernatural. 

If you do turn out to be powerful and divine though after your transformation, why not find neutral ground to settle with, maybe found your own afterlife for those God's turned His back on that aren't full blown Satanic? The whole Heaven or Hell model's a mess, it leaves no room for gray morality nor female strength, and something balancing like that'd honestly fix a lot of the problems I have with the construct (but far from all of them, I still have issue with what he's planning to reduce humanity into). Neutral ground might even serve as a means for Satan to end up with less foot soldiers come The Rapture. 

That being said, such a thing would be frowned upon by The Church. At best it might appeal to more progressive churches who are already blaspheming at the material all on their own through selective cherry picking. 

starting with when I started cursing everyone on sociopathcommunity and practicing black magic, continuing on to my relationship with Phill my gangster drug dealer borderline pd ex who proposed to me and then tried to commit suicide over me when I left him for him being abusive and wanting to kill me (pretty much every guy I've been serious with has wanted to kill me, this has been a common theme in my adult life)

Why not seek out a less dangerous mate?

You seem to have a thing for 'bad boys' through one means or another, as you've even commented on recently when chastising yourself for feeling lust for Michael. The guys with lower impulse control are, uh, risk factors, but there's plenty of men out there who'd sooner leave than try to kill you. 

and into my ascent into "the heart of hollywood" (I lived right in the very middle of hollywood for a few months lol),

How'd you afford that? A lot of Californians are stuck with commuting. 

I became increasingly hateful, cursing, wanting everyone to die, wanting to take all their power, basically a succubus and a siren.

Do you see how this need to feel powerful is a repeated hang up of yours? 

There's little difference between when you claimed to be a powerful witch and when you've claimed to be a follower of Jesus, within both of them you go on about how powerful you are, even expressing confusion and claiming to have been drained to justify it's absence in the here and now. 

Your need to feel stronger than others, and your need to prove it to them while thirsty for their reactions, is ironically part of what keeps you weaker. Christian or not this is one of your few conceptual tape loops, and will be the hardest thing for you to let go of on your path to peace. It's a hunger that surfaces when you find yourself in pain. 

where is there a holy text that is authorized by the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob that says that I was Adam's first wife? please show me lol

 It is 100% a lie from Satan, what really happened is that he turned me into a pedophile, or that my own pride and sinful nature after I left my husband did

"you need to feel stronger than others", Turncoat, in this incarnation Satan was able to manipulate me into believing that I was everything the opposite of who I am, especially who I am redeemed by Jesus, of course I feel confused and weakened and in pain right now and still have some depression and panic and anxiety attacks, I was massively deceived and psychologically abused

submitting your life to Jesus isn't always an instant transformation, he is having to re-teach me the truth of everything and how to act, as well as cleanse me from all unrighteousness and my sinful nature. from my understanding I have a great deal of amnesia which Jesus is also healing, although I do not know how much I will eventually remember about my past, because it is God's Will for me to become a new creation in Jesus

Philippians 3:13-14

13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

dude, God kept me out of the bible except in subtle hints for a reason, he does not give as much attention to women in the scriptures anyway because we are the more passive gender, and males are the active gender, at least that is the way we are supposed to behave, I lived in darkness and of course all of my "history" in other texts is probably composed of mostly lies. I was the Queen of darkness and lies for most of my existence, Satan's counterpart

but the truth is that I do have amnesia for all of my past existence before this incarnation, and I am not sure if it is going to remain permanent or not. this has been the most confusing and frustrating part of God's revealing of my identity to me, and I am still struggling with accepting it, because I really really want to remember

and, I never saw a vision *of* Jesus, I saw a vision *from* God, a pure and righteous holy vision that was in no way tainted by Satan and all and like nothing I have ever experienced before, it was definitely a vision from God. this much I know. He also related to me as not an equal, but his female counterpart, his significant other in this vision, there is no confusion about this and no way I could have possibly misinterpreted, trust me, but it was not sexual, God and I are not sexual with each other just loving partners and parents. it is what it is

I have also not heard God's audible voice in this incarnation so far, but he "speaks" to me through the Holy Spirit. it isn't an audible voice, but more like a righteous and pure supernatural intuition