I wasn't asking anyone for advice or complaining that I wanted to be more one way or more the other.
I wasn't deliberately trying to alter anything or force anything, or make myself perceived as anything. I was just doing what I found enjoyable.
I enjoy doing makeup on other people, I enjoy the art of doing makeup. it's not about like, making myself look "beautiful" it has nothing to do with that. the reason I got into it is different than I guess most people, I just find the actual act of doing it really enjoyable, and watching people do it is like soothing to me. like watching bob ross.
watching someone do a full face of makeup is my asmr, but I also like to study it to try and pick up and perfect new techniques, so it's entertaining as an art form to me in that way as well. and then it's also creatively stimulating, I love color. playing with color. etc. colorful things. so it makes sense I gravitated toward it.
everyone has their own thing they're deeply interested in. mine just happens to be that.
but what I was talking about CS, was just about my background a bit leading up to my discovery of new interests. read that phrase again, discovery, of new, interests.
I wasn't always into this kind of stuff. like *at all* because I didn't understand the intrigue or you know, why people found it enjoyable.
but as I stated, I started correcting my issues with depression and that helped shed light on new things for me and allowing them to become more enjoyable.
and I started to see makeup as an art form rather than just a process of slapping shit on your face, and I started to have an appreciation for it.
I tried lulumon leggings and started to have an appreciation for it, because they do make you look good. like I stated I started to see what the hype was about.
that's all I was talking about here in this thread.
and you mistook my background as like, me saying that I yearned to be like other girls, or some people interpreted it various different ways like, I yearned to find a concrete sense of gender identity and I was infighting others for advice about it? as if that was important to me.
it's not.
I very clearly stated I chose my identification, I am androgynous. I mix and match. I wear boy clothes, and girl clothes. and liking makeup, I like it like a sport, it's not something that is just reserved for one gender or the other. I enjoy being who I am and have embraced it.
in the long list of gender identities, I would fall under something called agender, which is basically when someone doesn't give a fuck what the fuck they are- or anyone is. you're just aloof to the idea of it all together. something about all boy, all girl, never hit home for you. etc. you're kind of just, you. and you don't care what people perceive of that either. how they want to categorize you. it just doesn't matter to me. the concept, of gender as a whole is just one big, "I don't know, and I don't care." lol
I shop on both sides of the store. I do what I want. and I don't care to label it. to me, there is nothing on this planet that belongs to any specific gender. I don't even really think it exists. it's all just stuff to me. I don't get how this shirt is for a boy, and this shirt is for a girl. I don't get how this hobby is boyish and this one is girlish. it just doesn't register for me.
it's just all one thing. and I do it all and I don't care lol <3
and yeah im not the only one, there are tons and tons of people who find themselves under this category. I don't think im unique or special.
and people are confused, just to clarify. just because I do girly things, doesn't change the fact I am androgynous. that's the whole point of being androgynous. I want to wear a dress randomly? I'll fucking do it. people categorize that as feminine, (most do anyway) but I hold the belief that an article of clothing doesn't belong to any one gender anymore and it's just, an article of clothing that has absolutely nothing to do with my gender identity, it's just, wearing clothes.
