Sociopath Community

in 2009, I went to work as a painter, to paint Gazprom's railway bridges on the Yamal Peninsula. I took azaleptin tablets with me, but they were extremely ineffective for me. Autumn has come. one morning I went to the dining room for breakfast. I stood in line. suddenly I experienced a strong sense of dread. I turned around and saw a demon with huge horns two meters away from me. the demon was shrouded in black smoke. I experienced animal fear and I was numb. I was sweating all over. I realized that this demon had come to kill me and drag my soul to hell. I closed my eyes and stood motionless, waiting for death. one of the people in the dining room noticed my strange behavior and said to me: "what is wrong with you, man?" I opened my eyes and the demon disappeared ... I went back to my tent and took some azaleptin pills, that evening I got on the train and went home to undergo treatment in a psychiatric clinic.

Sounds a lot like what happened to me, but my feelings were not guilt, maybe shame, i dont know. It was more like a sense of not living up to the standards of behaviour in my head that i'd been doing so well with. The loony bin doctors gave me rubbish, 4 different drugs in four months, not even enough time to try them properly, but i was desperate and my gp gave me risperidone the day i got out. Not only do i not hallucinate, im a nicer guy, not so quick to anger and not totally driven by sex and money. I'm not schizo but i hallucinated getting lynched every night cos fuckers did try to hang me once and it was pretty bad. Still sleep with the tv on, battlestar galactica every night, same episode. I know the words, put it on a loop, anything i hear apart from that i know ive got a problem. I don't even like it, it's just what i had on tv when i got strung up and i have never changed it.

Your first post, sorry i fucked that up.

this is a big problem with antipsychotics. The same neuroleptic acts differently on different people with the same diagnosis. some patients say that their antipsychotic is very effective for them, but others report that they only get side effects, such as increased prolactin and weight gain, a significant decrease in libido and sexual dysfunction. sometimes it takes several months to feel effects of antipsychotics and get used to it. sometimes people are happy that their antipsychotic is helping them, but after a few years their brains become resistant to this antipsychotic.
billions of money are spent on advertising every year, but no one wants to spend billions on studying the functioning of the brain of schizophrenics and creating effective drugs for them. :)

Dexciple said: 

Sounds a lot like what happened to me, but my feelings were not guilt, maybe shame, i dont know. It was more like a sense of not living up to the standards of behaviour in my head that i'd been doing so well with. The loony bin doctors gave me rubbish, 4 different drugs in four months, not even enough time to try them properly, but i was desperate and my gp gave me risperidone the day i got out. Not only do i not hallucinate, im a nicer guy, not so quick to anger and not totally driven by sex and money. I'm not schizo but i hallucinated getting lynched every night cos fuckers did try to hang me once and it was pretty bad. Still sleep with the tv on, battlestar galactica every night, same episode. I know the words, put it on a loop, anything i hear apart from that i know ive got a problem. I don't even like it, it's just what i had on tv when i got strung up and i have never changed it.

my life experience is useless to you. I have never had anxiety disorder or post-traumatic stress disorder and I do not know what drugs could help you.

None of us is the same, I was referring mostly to your reaction to the clozapine and your feelings afterward and got carried away. I can go drug free for a short time now, but as soon as i get in a fight or trouble with the law it comes back. There are several schizophrenics in my football team and they live pretty normal lives most of the time, but having experienced a small taste of what they have to live with i'll take being unconnected and not getting it any time.

Dexciple said: 

There are several schizophrenics in my football team

That sounds hilarious.

This took me a significant minute to find. Old YouTube 1.0 shit from when I was researching mental illness.

Funniest football team ever, but probably the worst to. You don't have to be good, you don't have to br fit, all you need to do is be mentally ill or have just got out the jail and you get a game. The only non mental guy at the moment causes all the trouble on the pitch, but the real shit is our nights out and our after match drinks, can't wait for the restrictions to end so i can get back out there. Not just schizos, anything. One day we were all discussing why we were there and what we had and we asked this new weegie guy, calm as fuck he turns round and says i killed three people. The cunt was on day release. Theres stalkers, there was a paedo, but that got stopped,jail escapees, junkies,career criminals and every kind of mental who can walk onto a pitch. They are my best pals since i came here and even if covid never ends i'll never forget playing for them.

That sounds like a blast. Your team has a 200 lb linebacker? Well mine has a dude who is communicating with aliens, try and get the ball, bitch.