Sociopath Community

Dr. Winner said:

Tue, Jul 9, 2019

Today's Date:

Tue, Jan 19, 2021

iPhone

On Jul 16, 2019, at 4:15 PM, [redacted] wrote:

They have not given your stuff to the market people yet. I'll let you know when they have.

[redacted]

On Friday, July 12, 2019, 12:36:58 PM PDT, Almighty and All Powerful Jim <[email protected]> wrote:

Tomorrow I'll have my counseling appointment at 16:00. I'll come check your stairs at 14:00 for the house keys, rings and Huawei charger. if I find them there I'll leave your passport in the same place.

Or are you mad I said I'm busy lmao
I'm not busy anymore, call me. I miss you and your faggot voice.

Gönderen: [redacted]
Gönderildi: 26 Temmuz 2019 Cuma 11:46
Kime: Almighty and All Powerful Jim <[email protected]>
Konu: Re: Ynt: Ynt: Ynt: My last message

I called because I have money on this app that I used to call you last time and I wanted to use it because I have no other international number that I can call to waste it and I didn’t want to just waste the money and not use the app. Anyway, I wanted to say that I was attracted to you in the beginning, as I have said before, but my attraction is based on their actions toward me, so my attraction to you ended after you treated me badly.

I’m glad you are busy, it makes me feel less bad about this whole thing, and since you are doing as promised and moving on, I will leave you alone as well. No need to send me money, I made the mistake of ruining my own financial situation, so I will take care of it. I wish you well and will just let the money sit in the app, so no need to call or email me back. I think this is a good place to end it, since I know you are okay and doing well.

Peace,

Sent from my iPhone

On Jul 26, 2019, at 3:10 AM, Almighty and All Powerful Jim <[email protected]> wrote:

Thanks for putting everything into perspective, I had the wrong idea of things because some of the things you mentioned in this mail were really not mentioned before. Thanks for showing me what love and affection is, now that I look back I really feel like you were the only person who showed me those things, I never felt it from even my own mother, thank you. I still feel this warm sensation of adoration in my chest when I look at your pictures despite all I perceive you did wrong towards me because I feel the concern and love that gushed out of you. You're a beautiful soul and I hope one day you will wake up with someone that knows how to make you feel loved and protected and sticks to that making it all better and restoring your faith in people.

Thank you for admitting you were not physically attracted to me. Everything makes sense now

I'll contact you in a few months to wire you 10k-15k, it should ease your debt pain a little. Don't worry about it, I'll be making 5k a month because I am about to land a big contract.

As hard it might be to believe, I still feel love for you and will never forget you as my rescuer. I'll leave you alone as you wish now (this time for real kek). Be happy and be safe

Gönderen: [redacted]
Gönderildi: 25 Temmuz 2019 Perşembe 23:12
Kime: Almighty and All Powerful Jim <[email protected]>
Konu: Re: Ynt: Ynt: My last message

I read the end of your message and now I regret being nice to you ever. I don't get how I am evil when you can say all that you have said to me. I get that you have no frame of reference and I should be the bigger person, but you make it really hard. I am not looking for a guy and I never will. I don't need a guy and I am not a pedo. I do not like children in a sexual way. I used to think I did, but now I realized that I am just into skinny girls. I am just gay and like perfection, so chill man. We didn't work out because I was not physically attracted to you. I like skinny bodies and I like pretty people. I am honestly confused as to why we are still talking because if you hate me as much as your message suggests, you should pretend I never existed.

I don't get why I am emailing you back either. I don't hate you, but I know we are not even good for each other via text. Just look at what you wrote. It was clearly to hurt me and that's pretty terrible. I would think you hurt me enough with trying to kill me, beating me, and raping me, but I guess your lust for hurting people never ends. I honestly just want to pretend this never happened and stop talking to you because no matter how nice I am to you, you have to be mean to me. I told you that we both had issues and that I understood your issues and that I still don't believe what you did was correct. That was my opinion and I even said I didn't want you to die, even though that would be beneficial to me, yet you have to put me down no matter what and try to hurt me in any way you think will work. I'm happy you are moving on and doing better and finally past killing yourself. I want you to be happy and get a person who loves you. That's my wish for you, so please just stop trying to hurt me. Please just leave me alone like you said you will and everything will be better. Your life, my life, and everything in between.

Thanks.

[redacted]

Thursday, July 25, 2019, 11:10:58 PM PDT, [redacted] wrote:

I read the end of your message and now I regret being nice to you ever. I don't get how I am evil when you can say all that you have said to me. I get that you have no frame of reference and I should be the bigger person, but you make it really hard. I am not looking for a guy and I never will. I don't need a guy and I am not a pedo. I do not like children in a sexual way. I used to think I did, but now I realized that I am just into skinny girls. I am just gay and like perfection, so chill man. We didn't work out because I was not physically attracted to you. I like skinny bodies and I like pretty people. I am honestly confused as to why we are still talking because if you hate me as much as your message suggests, you should pretend I never existed.

I don't get why I am emailing you back either. I don't hate you, but I know we are not even good for each other via text. Just look at what you wrote. It was clearly to hurt me and that's pretty terrible. I would think you hurt me enough with trying to kill me, beating me, and raping me, but I guess your lust for hurting people never ends. I honestly just want to pretend this never happened and stop talking to you because no matter how nice I am to you, you have to be mean to me. I told you that we both had issues and that I understood your issues and that I still don't believe what you did was correct. That was my opinion and I even said I didn't want you to die, even though that would be beneficial to me, yet you have to put me down no matter what and try to hurt me in any way you think will work. I'm happy you are moving on and doing better and finally past killing yourself. I want you to be happy and get a person who loves you. That's my wish for you, so please just stop trying to hurt me. Please just leave me alone like you said you will and everything will be better. Your life, my life, and everything in between.

Thanks.

[redacted]

On Thursday, July 25, 2019, 10:41:00 PM PDT, [redacted] wrote:

Like I said, you have real issues. I hugged you when you came from therapy and you tried to kiss me. That’s why I freaked out. I felt bad for expecting you to be a good person when you had no examples of that growing up. Your brain makes everything seem like it was the other person when I did but you. I was freaked out because you raped me and I wasn’t ready for sexual stuff yet and kissing is sexual to me. I even told you that. I was not laughing at you committing suicide, I was laughing because I always laugh and I knew you wouldn’t die because you are all about the drama and the finality of death affords you none. I did not call you an idiot. I called myself an idiot for giving you another chance and you freaked out and hit me and thought I was calling you an idiot. Honestly, I was thinking just before I checked my email, that I hope you aren’t dead because I understand why you can’t understand the things that you do wrong. I felt like a bad person because I was even slightly dismissive of your suicide attempt. I wanted to check my email because I went on SC the other day and you weren’t online, and you are always online, so I thought you may actually be dead and I felt bad for taking you away from your dad and the people who count on you. It’s funny because reading your email makes me wish I were the person you say I am. It makes me wish I could be happy that you killed yourself and it makes me wish I didn’t have a heart and actually treated you as badly as you say I did. I know myself too well though. I know that I did approach our relationship incorrectly because I saw you as a normal person who went through bad things, but you aren’t. You’re a person who was created in a world of bad things. You never had a normal childhood or any normal relationships. Instead of thinking you were trying to hurt me, even if you actually were, I should have treated you like a child who doesn’t know any better, because you don’t.

You have no idea what it is to be normal and to not have to fight back. You don’t know how it feels to know someone loves you so how could you make me feel safe in that way? I shouldn’t have expected so much from you. I should have given you all I had and all of the love God gives to me and not have expected anything in return. You are right when you say I think I deserve to be punished for the way I treated you and the way I guarded my heart when I was around you. I do believe that I did the wrong thing, looking back. That’s because I know that I was basing my feelings about what you said to me and what you did to me on my exes who had normal childhoods and had someone who loved them and showed them love. They chose to be evil to me, but evil is all you know. It’s not who you are, it’s what you know and expect. It’s what you know how to show. It’s not your fault because you had no choice. You couldn’t choose to be good because you have never seen what good is. You have never felt God’s love through his word and his actions. You have no options at all. All you have is what you know and all you know is the way people have always treated you. I have known love and been loved, whether faked or not, so I had a choice. I could have relied on God and helped you through the bad times to make sure you saw what God has to offer through the love I could have given to you with his help. That is why I feel like I did something wrong.

You say that I don’t believe in God, but you’re wrong. I know God exists and I know his love can make anything possible. I know he can do anything and help us do anything as long as we rely on him. I know that, but that has not always been easy for me to rely on. I am not perfect and God knows that. No one is perfect. I make mistakes and God forgives me for them, even if I don’t forgive myself. I know that I was not as nice to you as I could have been and I know I treated you as my enemy the second you did something wrong to me. That’s how I work. I am nice and kind and everything God wants me to be until someone does something to hurt me. Then I see them as the devil or as someone who will destroy me if I don’t keep my guard up. That’s the opposite of what God says to do and through this experience I have realized this. I am learning and growing and changing just like every other human. I am not, nor have I ever been perfect. I never claimed to be, but one thing that I know for sure is that I do not intentionally talk down to people and I did not call you names just to hurt you. I called you names because you hurt me and I thought I had to defend myself. You would tell me I didn’t see or hear what I know I did, so I called you names to reassure myself that I’m not wrong in what I saw or heard. The issue with that is that’s not how God wants me to act. I’m supposed to stick with the idea that we are both right and we both have our own ways of interpreting things, but I got defensive. I have a thing where I feel like everyone is trying to hurt me if they do it once. I feel like I have to protect myself from people because I have to keep my head straight because I know who I am and that what I do and say is valid. I just need to remember to apply that to other people as well.

I messed up and let you down because I knew where you came from and what happened to you. I should have oriented myself to actually help you and not just make you feel good for a bit and then focus on protecting myself. The issue is that I was raped when I was a kid. I was helping someone and he took advantage of my kindness, so now I am vigilant and always making sure that no one takes advantage of me. You raped me and that brought back everything that I felt when I was raped. That includes the shame of being stupid enough to put myself out there and trust people, the pain I felt when I realized I am not my own person if someone can do whatever they want with me and the anger and hatred that I felt towards guys because they can’t respect women enough to stop when they say stop. It wasn’t exactly you that I hated, it was those feelings. I hated myself for feeling that way because I am not supposed to let things get to me. I know I try to be strong and I come off as not caring, but there are feelings that I have that I hate, which makes me hate everyone who makes me feel that way.

You are not off of the hook because you did things that no one should ever forgive, but you are right in that if I really love God, I have to forgive you, which I do. I forgave my original rapist and I forgive you. I just will never see you again because I am not strong enough in my faith to surprises my feelings. I did love you and I thought the world of you until you hurt me. I didn’t see your past or who you are when I tried to heal myself by hating you, which is my sin or mistake. At the end of our run, I hated you more than I have ever hated anyone. I wanted to kill you with my bare hands, if I’m being honest, but it wasn’t because of what you did alone, it was because of what you turned me into, or rather what I let myself turn into. I turned cold and angry and defensive and I never wanted that to be the case. I just lost sight of what I was doing and why I ever visited you. It wasn’t for me to fulfill my wishes, it was for me to heal you. To show you what it feels like to be loved, to help you love yourself and realize you deserve to be loved. It was to give you the love and nurturing that you missed out on as a kid, but it turns out that I was missing a lot of what I needed to fulfill my mission. I left God behind and focused on myself and what I wanted and what made me feel safe. I wanted you to understand me, but I forgot you can hardly understand the basics of respect and love because you have never seen it. I expected you to love me for who I am, when you have never even experienced love. I was selfish and cruel, looking back. I know that and I know that God forgives me for that. I know God forgives me for killing our baby too. I also know that what I set out to do was not a job that I could complete. It is a job for God and God alone. I am not strong enough to do that alone and I couldn’t get in touch with God because I was so focused on keeping myself safe and happy. I failed and I know it, but God forgave me and created new plans for me. He has a new plan for you too. You just have to let him show you.

Continued 

started writing this thinking that I would tell you that what you remember happening, didn’t happen the way you think, but in all actuality, other than the fact that it doesn’t matter even a little bit, the way you remember things may well have been what happened because all I know is that I do not intend to do the mean things I do. Just because my intentions are not aligned with my words or actions, doesn’t mean my words or actions didn’t happen. Maybe you can see past my intentions and into my actual soul. Maybe you can see that I sincerely hated you and no matter what I intended to do, my hatred fake out anyway. No matter what events actually took place or what you think of me, I know for a fact that I love God and I have never strayed from God, even when things got bad. When I got raped, I hated God, but he was the one I would cry to and ask why to. We aren’t supposed to ask why, but asking him why is a sign that I still do believe and I know he is there, listening and has a plan. My faith never wavered, only my actions did. Believing in God is not an all or nothing thing. It’s a journey you take. Sometimes you follow God’s teachings 100%, other times you fall out of line completely. That’s why Jesus had to die for our sins. It’s because God knows we are sinners and will never be able to follow him 100% all of the time. He knows we make mistakes. We are supposed to eventually be as perfect as Jesus and we are supposed to model our lives after Jesus’, but it is here where I failed both you and him. I never stopped to ask what Jesus would do, nor did I forgive you for anything you did to me. I was selfish and I fell far from where God wanted me to be, but Jesus made it so we can be forgiven when that happens. My issues with retaliation and being selfish when someone hurts me is why I was looking for a guy who would help me be better. I needed a guy who would lead me closer to God. One who would remind me and tell me to think about what Jesus would do when I start to feel attacked. That’s what God calls for a husband to do for his wife. That is how I knew we were not meant to be. Once I figured that out, I knew we had no future and I gave up on you ever being who I wanted you to be, but that wasn’t why I went to meet you. We were never meant to be together. I was meant to help you feel loved and to figure out these truths about myself. I failed miserably, but it seems I may not have after all. You tried to kill yourself so maybe now you can start over. Maybe you can learn to love the life you have and find someone who can love you unconditionally like I wanted to. Maybe you did help me get closer to God because you helped me figure out what I am doing wrong. Maybe we learned enough from this experience to become better people. All I know is that whatever feelings you have for me, I understand them. I get how you feel. I understand you feel like I cheated you because I didn’t give you what you wanted from me. I get that you needed someone to show you how to love and show you what love is. I apologize for that, but I’m not God, and I’m not at the point where I can be on my own in my journey to get closer to God, so I couldn’t lead you there either, which means I wasnt able to show you what love really is. My love comes from God and I didn’t go to church once when I was there. I prayed for the strength to be calm when you attacked me, but not for the strength to continue to help you feel loved. I lost track of what love really is and of what my mission was. I sincerely apologize for that.

Yeah, its been 2 years man, I cant even remember people for that long XD

Like I understand if someone cant find anybody to date them and they are desperate or they cant move on from their ex but idk this is weird, why not just look harder? like on dating sites

I'm not into liberals and I plan to be single forever. I hope you really are doing better and that you survive your sickness. I hope you learn to forgive your mom and actually have a nice stable life. By the way, sex is for marriage, so if I ever got married, sex would be for breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert and every time in between. Have a nice night and feel better.

Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

On Sun, Feb 9, 2020 at 6:37 PM, Almighty and All Powerful Jim
<[email protected]> wrote:
Ran out of credit lol

To finish up, if I recover from here I am planning to move to Romania and build some stability and a life there. I have reconnected with my sis and I am hoping to build a fulfilling life with real relationships and love in it.

I miss you alot nigger butt. A few weeks ago i got drunk in taxim at 3 am and I went where our airbnb was and I just sat on the stairs and sobbed, some kid sad next to me and patted me on the back rofl. I finished EMDR and my evilness has pretty much gone even tho you already left, i havent been abuse to my current gf. Thanks for pushing me to therapy, you gave me hope to be lovable again.

I hope you find yourself a good nice betabux who will wash the dishes votes for bernie and will be happy with a sexless marriage. Take care my cute little sister.
Gönderen: Almighty and All Powerful Jim <[email protected]>
Gönderildi: 9 Şubat 2020 Pazar 17:18
Kime: [redacted]
Konu: Ynt: Quarantine

No worries, I will call in an hour then
Gönderen: [redacted]
Gönderildi: 9 Şubat 2020 Pazar 17:17
Kime: [email protected] <[email protected]>
Konu: Re: Quarantine

I feel like you called, but I am visiting my brother in the hospital, so I'll be available to answer in like an hour.

Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

On Sun, Feb 9, 2020 at 5:27 AM, Almighty and All Powerful Jim
<[email protected]> wrote:
Can you please give me a call or a number so I can call you? I went to Hong Kong recklessly and I am in quarantine now,you can see proof on sc. The last mails were sent out of a desire to not seem needy and because I was hurt you titled me the devil. I want to hear your voice just in case something happens. I cany tell if you're ignoring me simply because you are not interested in talking or you want to hurt me with no contact as revenge, but please let me give you a goodbye call. I miss you terribly.

Then I sent him a picture of the baby with a title of this reminds me of you and all it said was those eyebrows. That was the last thing I sent to him and I can’t copy and paste it because it was just a subject line and a picture and then the words those eyebrows. 

I never contacted him again. He didn’t respond to that and it wasn’t meant for him to. I just sent him a picture.