Jul 25, 2019, at 5:51 PM, Almighty and All Powerful Jim <[email protected]> wrote:
I survived the suicide attempt. They cleaned my stomach and I've been in inpatient hold. I only have my phone until I get out in 5 days.
When I stopped hitting you and arguing with you in the last 2 weeks you started calling me names like "idiot" during arguments and when I called you out on it you said you don't care. You kept talking to me patronizingly and mocking me despite me making an effort to go to therapy and be better.
I don't want to pursue a relationship with you or to have you back, I have moved on, I just had to over these two weeks because it felt like I was separating from my mother (transference). I'm good now. I'll not bother you again after this mail.
My only question is, why did you start being evil to me when I stopped being evil to you? Did you sense weakness? Did you see this as your opportunity to disrespect me and treat me how you want? It seems the only thing that kept you from being nasty to me in the beginning was because you liked me and you didn't want me to leave. Looking down on people and talking to them like they're beneath you seems to be ingrained in your personality which is very sad and I'm glad I didn't marry someone like that. My neediness was about to ruin my life.
I'm plenty of evil myself, violence and lack of empathy, but right when I started making effort to be better you started being nasty to me and pushing me away. Why couldn't you give me a short peck on the lips when I came back from therapy that day? Did you enjoy seeing me be hurt from your rejection? Did it make you feel powerful that I was so needy and desperate for affection after the trauma therapy and that you could turn me down?
Not like you're obligated to love me or give me affection or anything, but if you lost your feelings for me why didn't you say it? Why did you suddenly feel safe enough to call me back when you needed me for the app idea and stuff around the house? Why did you tell me on discord that I can keep the 4k if I come back and not let me keep it after?
I admit, it was pretty clever of you to make it like you still love me and want to be with me in order to make me give you your money back. I was desperate to be loved and thought you still felt something for me and loved the baby enough to keep it so I also felt responsibility for it.
How come you were anti-abortion but dropped the baby as soon as a new prospect was in the horizon? You change values and positions like socks. You might be a satanist in a year just because it suits your narcissistic ego.
My only regret is that I believed your compassionate empathetic person act on Discord and thought you would be a kind loving person to me. Turns out you were just infatuated in the beginning and played the role of a caring healer person, using my BPD as a vulnerability to get at me.
I wish you told me that you are incapable of emotional attachments and affection from the beginning so I wouldn't give my soul to you and expect you to be by my side forever. I still can't forget how you smirked when you realized I Was hurt by you making fun of my mother's abuse towards me. Or how you were laughing on the phone during my suicide attempt. How could I be stupid enough to believe you're a merciful compassionate person? You turned out to be just the same as the people on SC.
Laugh at me all you want, I guess I deserve it for being stupid enough to think that someone with actual empathy an humanity would come from SC. I really thought you were a kind nurturing person with lasting feelings. Turns out it was just some puppy love and roleplaying. Fucking hell. I wish I knew how deep your love actually was and how it can turn on and off and how shallow it was. I'm a sucker.
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/idealize-devalue-discard-the-dizzying-cycle-of-narcissism-0325154
Literally what you did to me.
I thought that if I returned you the money and changed my behavior and went to therapy I would have the caring and loving CS back because I hurt her and she needs some time to feel better but turns out you were just another narcissist who puts on a Jesus front. How can a normal human being lose empathy and attachment towards someone overnight? Only someone who's just faking all that.
How can a person see their baby father come shaking from therapy and refuse them a 1 second peck on the lips and a tight hug? Only a sadistic control freak who's loving the desperation of her partner and gets high off it. And I thought I was an egomaniac. I guess you were enjoying that I'm the one chasing after you after you clung on my foot for months.
I'm only sad about the money because I could've used it to continue therapy and visit someone who actually loves me and wants to make me happy, which I soon will anyway.
We're both evil but the difference is that I actually am desiring to change and I don't enjoy it like you do, and you've proven it in the last 2 weeks of us together.
You're scared because you know you deserve something after the way you treated me when I went to therapy and started being nicer to you. If I was an asshole I would've beat you with a metal bar until you gave me the money but I didn't. I wish I took it to teach you a lesson about being condescending to people when they talk to you nicely.
I am only writing this because I need to vent I guess, feel free to not reply. I will not bother you again after this, I never wanted you, I just wanted the money so I can go to my tranny.
Don't bother dating again because just like with spite, c4, and me, whoever you date will find out who you really are and what kind of a person you are and they're going to see how ugly you're inside and leave you or beat you up and then leave you just like it always happens. You will never be loved and die alone because everyone will see who you are.
When I brought you here I was mad at c4 and your ex for treating you the way they did but I now see why they did it. You're a rage inducing evil person with a nerve wracking annoying personality and I wouldn't be surprised if you got killed soon.
If you ever want to die you can come here and this time I'll make it happen just to do the world, your mother, you step father and everyone else a favor. They'll probably throw a party on your grave.
Don't forget to get a labioplasty also.
It's funny that you thought you could ever be a wife or a mother with your personality and pedophilic tendencies. Disgusting little pervert xD
I would wish death upon you but you're going to kill yourself from depression so why bother?
My only regret is that I returne you the money before I realized I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's been 2 weeks since you left and I'm already dating, enjoy dying alone and miserable :)
