Sociopath Community

Love felt pretty nice, then horrible, then nice 

drugs i take  atm (i'll post more stuff i tried but am not anymore later)

MK-677/Ibutamoren - an experimental growth hormone secretagogue, it stimulates the natural release of growth hormone and IGF-1, currently undergoing clinical trials. Bought raw powder from a research chemicals dealer, mixed with propylene glycol to form a solution of 25mg/ml. I used to take 25mg every day but don't take it as often anymore, only when I need a good nights sleep. The effects it had on me were significantly increased sleep quality and vivid dreams, possibly better recovery at the gym (unsure whether this was placebo or not) hair & nails grew much quicker all over the body, general feeling of wellbeing. Lots of people experience ravenous hunger & water weight gain, but I was fortunate and had no negative side effects at all. I took it because I wanted to dip my toes into the Performance Enhancing Drug realm without committing to a substance that would effect my endogenous androgen/oestrodial levels. I stopped religiously taking it because gym's shut in UK due to covid so it's wasting money

Phenibut - a GABA receptor agonist, commonly used as anti-anxiety medication. I haven't researched this one much as it's just something I take here and there for fun or for anxiety inducing situations. It's a powder that is taken orally, tastes sour as fuck. Completely kills all anxiety for me for 8 hours onwards, I've taken it for a job interview, first days at work, and on dates. Works great, and it's cheap too. As a side effect, I'm completely unable to nut after taking it, no idea why but some other people on the internet describe the same effect, so yeh you can fuck forever on it, might be good if you don't last very long in bed. It's apparently really addictive and builds a tolerance fast. I took it once before a night out involving lots of alcohol and had a really bad time, so don't drink much while you're on it. 

RU58841 - an experimental non-steroidal topical anti-androgen. Competes with endogenous androgens for androgen receptors in the scalp. It's a research chemical that was abandoned before reaching human trials, as such, it has never been tested on humans for safety. Not very inviting right? Your boy suffers from androgenetic alopecia, AKA going bald, runs in my family. I'm not ready to lose my hair in my mid 20's, and as such I've gotta resort to shit like this. I had a 'oh shit' moment about 4 months ago when I realized my hairloss was at around norwood 2.5. Started an aggressive stack of hairloss drugs, and regrew a lot of hair and am now feeling good about how I look again. Anyway, RU58841 prevents further follicle miniaturization so it's a drug I take. I apply 37.5mg a day topically to the scalp. Takes about 2 minutes and totally prevents hairloss, worth it.

Minoxidil - a topical vasodilator used to grow hair. Passed all clinical trials, FDA approved etc, but the exact mechanism by which it works is unknown. Thought to be a potassium channel opener. Works literally anywhere on your body, you rub it in and it grows hair there. I started using this on my face to grow a beard at age 20. I have pretty poor facial hair genetics, with none of the males in my family having a full bushy beard, so I wasn't optimistic on ever being able to grow one. Applied 1ml every day for a year, and now I have fully developed facial hair and grow a full beard. Ironically I don't even like beards anymore, I think short stubble all over looks better. I'm glad I did it anyway cus girls compliment me on my facial hair a lot. I use it on my hair now to regrow what I last through androgenetic alopecia, it works just as well as on the face. No side effects for me, some people experience low blood pressure.

Modafinil - another one I haven't studied much but I take it anyway lol, I don't bother doing much research on clinically approved chemicals honestly aside from checking the effects and any drug interactions. It's a medication used for sleep narcolepsy, promotes wakefulness in a similar way to caffeine but without the side effects of excessive caffeine ie increased heart rate, sweating. Works well for studying and being productive. I take 200mg whenever I want to dedicate a full day to studying and it does the job, keeps me wired, focused and awake. One downside is if you find something else that takes your attention you'll get super focused on that instead, as it happens I'm on modafinil right now which is probably the only reason I've bothered to make this thread and write all this shit. It's easily available online and is cheap enough that you might as well take it if you want some help with studying.

All are legal for personal use in the UK, pm me if you want sources

i microdosed 15-20 microgram of lsd every three days for about 1.5 years when i was an undergraduate  in college. 20 is definetly too much. 10 i think is best. Makes you more connected with people, acts like a strong coffee in the morning. after 15 micrograms it gets exhausting. too much activation of the sympathetic nervous system. definetly a contra-indication for panic disorders and everything anxiety related because of that, even at these very low dosages. Worth a try when it comes to therapy resistant depression in my opinion. 

of course i have also tried hallucinogenix dosages, up to 250 micrograms. I really did not like it. Very exhausting, Synesthesia does not feel good at all and is just very confusing. I try to be pretentious about it and say that it helped me understand schizophrenia and psychosis better, but thats just bla bla

betablockers (propranolol) kinda nice if you mix it with alcohol and want to just chill in bed for a day. I took it at low dosages of 10-20mg mostly. i got them for anxiety, which in hindsight i see as a wrong prescription, since i never had panic like states etc

paxil: balled it at 20mg when i was an undergraduate because of anxiety and growing up angst :D it helped me a lot. after like 3 weeks the anxiety was gone completly. i sweat a lot, though. also my dick stopped working when i went from 10mg to 20mg, but because i was so happy and relieved about not having anxiety i continued using it for 18 months without having sex. when i stopped taking it i felt very suicidal (like nothing before) and got problems that felt neurological, so i got it in liquid form and reduced one drop a month. that worked fine. needless to say all problems came back and i had to deal with them in other ways. 

ddddddd said: 

i microdosed 15-20 microgram of lsd every three days for about 1.5 years when i was an undergraduate  in college. 20 is definetly too much. 10 i think is best.

 I feel like you’re just wasting a ton of acid doing this. Does doing less than 50 micrograms at once even really do anything?!?

Chapo said: 

ddddddd said: 

i microdosed 15-20 microgram of lsd every three days for about 1.5 years when i was an undergraduate  in college. 20 is definetly too much. 10 i think is best.

 I feel like you’re just wasting a ton of acid doing this. Does doing less than 50 micrograms at once even really do anything?!?

 yes. try it. obviously no hallucinogenic effects, but thats not why u r balling low doses. it makes u a bit more happy and a bit more interested in things at like 10-15 micrograms. 

There's already forums that cover this sort of thing called erowid and bluelight.org but the most popular discussions are on your typical street drugs (stimulants opiates benzos) and over the counter prescriptions, and hallucinogenics. Not much help for someone say into body building, or nootropics and very little talk of research chemicals. That’s more dark web kind of stuff but there is some info out there scattered across the internet and YouTube. 

However there are a few users on there that seem to have a knowledge base of experience with drugs that are outside the typical and they're probably the most helpful ones there. 

Also, https://officialnodsquad.tumblr.com/conversions  is a great source of information as well as just scrolling through here https://officialnodsquad.tumblr.com/ and reading the posts/asks they get or using the search feature (which I don’t think you can see on mobile) to find posts/asks containing key words. They have a lot of helpful informative information. It's run by a network of opiate users who do their best to provide info that will be safe and helpful for the person asking about drugs. 

The website is left up to be informative and helpful, but it's no longer active meaning everyone in the network has either died, gone to jail, or rehab and quit- along with quitting the network and tumblr as a whole. I've kept up with some of the members individually who have gotten clean, but a few were not as lucky and did die, and a few of them committed suicide which was really sad. 

There are only a few people left on tumblr that I "know" that are still doing opiates, like, I'm talking maybe a handful, 5-10 people, and are still active on their tumblr's. But they were not members of the nodsquad network, and don't run the website or have anything to do with it. 

The owner of the website is MIA. No one knows where he went, literally no one. The fact that he dissapeared without leaving and has not returned for nearly two years now makes me think the worst. It is highly possible he did overdose and die. His girlfriend also died from an OD about 3-6 years ago now? And he was really messed up from it. 

Other users that died were ahomelessjunkie and milktar who both committed suicide. not together but. garagedad got clean i know that. but yeah several of them just flat out disappeared and their tumblr's are left completely untouched for years. It's, grim the possibility that a lot of them have died from overdoses. 

I would give the handful of people that are still active, like their tumblr's, but, honestly it's not really informative, it's just content that is relatable if you are a drug addict. 

Also, I think in the UK they have a different organization that does harmreduction it may be called something else but, in the US we have the Harm Reduction Coalition and their website may have some resources that interest you. Like this: https://harmreduction.org/issues/overdose-prevention/ 

https://harmreduction.org/ 

they also talk about the needle exchange and things like that.

everyone reacts to drugs differently but. 

I’m not going to include meds that were injected into me whilst in an emergency room because I can’t remember their names but if you’d like me to talk about all my ER experiences with ER drugs what they were treating and how it went I can talk about it. And excluding talking about antibiotics as well. 


Adderall- made me more sociable

Anti-anxiety- I can’t remember the name of it but I got some weird anti-anxiety script from an ER one time and it made me feel so drowsy I literally fell asleep standing up in the shower. Zombie drug. Didn’t feel good, just extremely extremely tired. 

Vistaril- too weak, didn’t stop panic attack just made my body feel to sedated to feel it but it was there it was just suppressed inside my body cavity. So I couldn’t like, freak out outwardly but on the inside I still felt it just less severe. It’s too weak for major panic attacks and if you love someone with panic attacks don’t give them this because it’s as awful and uncomfortable as it sounds. 

Klonopin- a wonder drug for me due to the really severe psychiatric difficulties I was going through that were very confusing. It helped with dissociation and extreme anxiety issues panic attacks and extreme suicidal depression. Really perked me up and lifted me off my feet into the clear head space away from those terrible things that at times would be too much to handle or torment me at night and just making me suffer unnecessarily. I don’t recommend it though because even just taking it ‘as needed’ I still became codependent on it physiologically addicted and had to go through withdrawals. When I take this drug there is always a withdrawal of that makes sense even if it was very little and only one time. It always results in worsened depression and suicidality after stopping taking it, and in actual withdrawal in rehab I went through one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. The physiological effects and psychological effects of the withdrawal are 500x worse whatever you were experiencing that made you take the drug in the first place. Klonopin withdrawal is an absolute nightmare from hell and I felt like I was actually dying. Like actually dying. it’s no joke. 

I was bedridden for three weeks and even after the fact had difficulty keeping down food due to something called neurotoxicity. 

Buspar- I tried this after quitting klonopin as a non benzo alternative to klonopin and I’m not sure if it was prolonged withdrawal effects from the klonopin withdrawal that just re-awakened by the buspar or what was going on but I felt severe pain all over my body that was very similar to the pain I felt from klonopin withdrawal and I read online this is a known side affect of the drug for some people, pain all over the body. because of that I never took it again. It was that bad yeah. My mood was significantly lifted with buspar and I had an easier time being happy in a time where I was really like far from being able to get to that level of normalcy and happiness that very one else operates in that is normal. It helped with mood and I didn’t notice any anxiety while on it. But it was not the same as klonopin where you don’t feel a high from it or a rush or sort of yeah just like too high from it. It’s more like how lexapro is or something it’s not like something you can get a high with lol 

Lexapro- this has helped me a lot with my anxiety and depression and allowing me to slowly reach a more normal level like I was talking about that the buspar did but it was very very gradual and took years to get up to the better place I am in now. I first noticed it’s effects on my mood a month into taking it where I got some sort of seratonin from noticing the trees around me on a walk in the sun and the breeze and I felt happiness for the first time in a very very very long time. So it was great for depression. It really just smoothed out all the kinks so like crying a lot and suicidal ideation and bad thought patterns it helps to literally quiet all of that down to like a low rumble if not nonexistent most of the time! Which is absolutely amazing because I used to have a constant negative thought pattern going on that kept me very trapped in it. The suicidal ideation didn’t stop right away it took time. And then on the anxiety side of it really helps keep all my ptsd symptoms including panic sttacks and generalized anxiety at bay. I can still experience triggering events and then need to take a klonopon if I’m unable to cope with it. But these are events are more rare. It used to be that I was in a constant state of a panic attack without this drug. Rocking back and forth and literally losing my mind dissociating. So this really helped me get my life back from ptsd but it was gradual again so. It took time and baby steps to get used to like doing things I struggled with like going to class movie theaters or restarsunts. The major triggers are still there and I have to work with an EMDR specialist for those. This just makes sure I’m not having anxiety literally all the time. But it can’t like erase your triggers if that makes sense. It also helps with OCD behavior related to anxiety. Dampens it down and you are more relaxed about stuf that normally you’d be too intense about or up tight about. 

 negative side effects for me are it dampened down my personality and my spark, my mojo, my sort of like... charismatic side to myself. As well as artistic creativity was lessened. It can make you feel a little dull or bland at times but you get used to it eventually and you find a way around it. But my personality is more lively and exciting and animated when I am off the meds. 

it makes me sleepy to take it so I take it at night which is nice for me due to having difficulties with sleeping anyway. Drowsy. Within thirty minutes of taking it I’m like “night night” and out. 

this is an uncommon side effect my doc said only 1 in 10 get sleepy from it, most are energized by it and have motivation from it and take it in the mornings. 

but the stability it created for me if this is something you struggle with is worth it and not suffering with the really negative effects of depression and anxiety. 

I was really deep in a horrible place when I started it and now I feel normal three years later. I still can have bouts of depression but they never reach the lows of how I was before meds or uh... they don’t last. I was consistently depressed before but now it’s like I might just have a bad day from being too tired. 

it also helps with anger regulation I’ve noticed. I used to have really bad anger problems and with the drug is ironed that out and so I don’t react like crazily to things. It like dampened it. 

 Less agitated and bothered and mad about shit. Perhaps that was the depression causing that but yeah. I mean you can still get anger and agitation bothered or mad but before hand I used to have it like too much and was too sensitive to like a pin drop and my mood would become Fiercely agitated and stuck in this bothered state for a long time Possibly days? I would get all negative and curmudgeonly. 

but with this that is less likely to occur like, the agitated bothered mood doesn’t come to an excess like it used to or I’m less sensitive so the propensity to become that way is less. And when it does happen it’s less in a mentally ill way and affects me less severely and is shorter and occurs less frequently. So I can be a generally happy disposition most Of the time. 

edit: I forgot to mention i also noticed it helped me with focus, sitting still for long periods and doing work I needed to do. I felt more relaxed and at ease so I could do these tasks without feeling too intense about it. It also helped alleviate an issue I had where I would just call it an ‘intensity’ issue where I just was a very up tight and tense person literally all the time and could not fucking relax. Like I was operating in the wrong gear. This was bad for my body and my health, and my psychological as I was burning myself out by being stuck like this. I had a difficult time just sitting down and relaxing watching a movie for two hours or having a conversation with someone, and I was a workaholic like extremely high strung Type A person that put immense amounts of pressure on myself to be perfect bud jt was never enough. This sort of helped ratchet my brain down out of that unhealthy gear and fucking relax and be able to enjoy normal things and fucking just, sit down. An inability to relax is associated with ptsd. 

so it just made me over all much more calm and normal. And I used to like talk really fast and intensely and now I just am more like normal. So the medication actually changed my entire disposition. 

now I can just enjoy life and feel like genuine happiness and feel calm enough to go about life in a healthy manner approaching it with balance and mental stability. No longer subject to horrible mood issues. 

It also helped me to heal and find insight and growth clearity and maturity progressing forward into a mature adult life, and to dismiss issues in my thoughts that were related to dissociation depression or some other strange type of thought issue I was having that was ultimately holding me back from living a happy healthy life. Also gained sense of identity over time and emotional intelligence.

most importantly lexapro gave me the ability to feel ok enough to pin point my issues and have clarity and work on them rather than bogged down by the mental illness itself too much so to be able to even approach the therapeutic tactics of getting better, and it also gave me hope I could improve and allowed me to feel capable of progress and achieving normalcy. Which I didn’t previously believe was possible. 

Trazadone- this made me Sleep 16 hours but then my bladder stopped Working. Really heavy drug to me. I don’t recommend starting with 100mg. Lol

ibe also been prescribed abilify, vrylar, and stratera 

under the counter meds like Dramamine, mecklezine bonine tylenol Flu pm and Benadryl have alL helped me Go to sleep 

Dramamine made me have weird ass dreams 

mucinex and dxm make me way too hype like a kid with adhd jumping on couches and stuff and sort of like manic in the thoughts I would have 

benadryl helps with severe migraines I’ve learned- when all else fails. 

Motrin helps me be able to breathe when I can’t for some reason. I just took a wild guess one time it was inflammation in my lungs like a bronchiospasm was triggered or something and it worked. It had gotten to the point it was physically painful. 

Tylenol extra strength helps me with head aches as well even caffeine and dehydration related ones 

Pepto bismol I’ve learned helps with dairy allergy and gluten intolerance related bloating. It got so bad it was unbearably painful and if you take this it makes it go away in 30 minutes like magic. needless to say I’ve learned the hard way I really can’t eat mozerrella sticks or pizza. Like definitely not. Lol oh and it got rid of the nausea as well so that’s amazing 

I am a caffeine addict. I have done coffee or tea every day for several years now

 They make me feel like an alive person instead of a drowsy zombie. I take anywhere between 1-4 cups a day. Side effects include unavoidably having to shit 30 minutes after first dose of the day, and annoying my domestic partner while I am under the influence. 

I will never stop, hardcore addict for life. My partner is also an addict, as are other members of the household, and I feel we enable each other as we often cop for each other and socially use together.