Sociopath Community

I had a dream last night that I was driving up behind this gas station and was helping my friend Ethan get a ride there, and then he was dealing drugs and I got paranoid I was going to get arrested along with him because we were out in the open. So I got out of my car and just ran off somewhere to hide and look unassuming and like I wasn't involved. And then I went in the store to buy something trying to look normal. And then my credit card said declined but the cashier didn't notice and said "have a nice day!" and so I just walked out with the stuff and was kind of confused. And then there was some people hanging out with Ethan, and more people started gathering into this like side walk corner behind the gas station and I sat with them, and we were just hanging out. Some of them were smoking blunts. And in the dream I knew these people and considered them all my friends. 

And then my dad showed up and got mad at me for hanging out with people doing drugs and dealing drugs. And I said I wasn't doing anything that I was clean now but I had Suboxone in my pocket and like something else I can't remember what but it was something mild like Tylenol or something. But I explained to him, "I'm not doing anything, these are just my friends." But he didn't know who they were because I hid them from him for so many years. So, because he didn't get a chance to know them he just judged them readily and... was wanting me to leave but I didn't want to because I was like, "I do this all the time we hang out, I'm 25 you can't just make me leave." 

Lol but I was kind of worried he was going to look through my pockets and think that I wasn't doing as well as I actually am, because I was in a good head space now with it and genuinely like, had good intentions. But this was like, giving the wrong impression. 

I have had 3 dreams in the last week involving marijuana. I can smoke in like an hour after my appointment but god damn.

I either don't dream or I don't remember them. 

Med said: 

I’m afraid of being too candid for you with my analysis now that my analysis has become clear for me. I have a lot of unfulfilled wishes....with respect to ...persons in my life...and I am looking for...response to my wish and this has been a reminder for myself ..how to tell if ..someone is controlling their expression.

Do you find that's an issue?

Tryptamine said: 

Med said: 

I’m afraid of being too candid for you with my analysis now that my analysis has become clear for me. I have a lot of unfulfilled wishes....with respect to ...persons in my life...and I am looking for...response to my wish and this has been a reminder for myself ..how to tell if ..someone is controlling their expression.

Do you find that's an issue?

 which

Oh, good question. The last bit.

a few hrs ago:

i met these 2 girls and we ended up in a room and we got naked

there was a bowl of water in the room and we'd make our hair wet with the water and then flick our hair at each other to get each other wet

kinda weird one tbh, most my dreams are either entirely sexual or have sexual elements ie nudity

My dreams have actually been hilarious for about a year, now. I often wake up LOLing. Several involved Justin Trudeau and his wife serving me a pile of donuts and coffee that would put Homer Simpson in la la land  :D  My imaginary boyfriend looked adorable in his little Tim Horton's uniform  :D :D

I had a rlly strange one about a week ago. I was at this hs where my son was just starting his first real job as a janitor, walking around with him trying to get him familiar with the layout of the place bc I wanted him to succeed. The place had a too bright, sort of surreal quality about it. Like some of the hs sets on BtVS  0_o So I didn't feel quite right about his chances there. I was worried for him, but understood that I would have to step aside and let him do what he came to do, before ppl started asking awkward questions. I showed him the closet where he could find some specific supplies that he had asked about, and went and sat in the cafeteria bc a younger and slightly less bulging Chris Hemsworth was sitting there  <3 <3

I talked for a minute or 3 and he was... erm... awkwardly polite lol before he made an excuse to get up and leave. I figured he would bc he's world class hot and I was just some kid's mom. Oh well. I went back to work on to the things that paid our bills and put food on the table.

Just then, I caught an eye full of my son in the closet about to open a large box that said "DO NOT OPEN." Idk why the thought filled me with clairvoyant dread... smthg about the abyss beyond the closet door, maybe. It looked huge and deep and dark, like some kind of gateway into a past, present and future Forever, where all the most vile happenings and imaginings were stored. I hollered "NO. DON'T OPEN THAT!"

Too late  0_o  A large tattered black shape started to rise out of the box, like some nightmare of a haunted... airbed? Huge and slow, like some unseen hand was forcing the air into it with a defective pump. When it stood at its full height it was terrifying. Similar to JK Rowling's dementors, but with an ashy, rotten, yet somehow animated skull inside. I nearly peed my pants. Then it spoke. And it had a voice like Carlton Your Doorman aka Garfield the fat orange cartoon cat had a baby with the Quantis koala. I could feel my face contorting and my eyes tearing up from trying not to LOL. He sounded dorky af, but he was still an 8ft tall undead character from mythology that I wouldn't want to piss off. I turned my head away from him so he wouldn't see me stuffing down the LOLz and then turned back when I was able to force my compassionate funeral face back on to my head.

As if he was reading my thoughts, he moved his hand slightly forward, out of the position where it was obscured by his robes. My tummy flip flopped at the unspoken confirmation. Yes, he was carrying a scythe. But he was holding it low, in a sort of nonchalant way, like one would carry a weapon when one is not expecting trouble for quite some time. I looked him right in his scary face and asked "It's not my time yet, right?"

He answered like any good lawyer who's tryinta stall or obfuscate... or entertain? in that maddeningly inappropriate and comical voice. His speech was anecdotal, as if told by a long time friend, listing my accomplishments and failures, over long periods of my life. I couldn't tell by the narrative if he was going to end with "therefore" or "but." But I was starting to worry. The craziest brainfart passed through my head. It was so disgusting and desperate, I nearly LOL'd again bc EW the things we think about when we fear we might die. The thought passed through my head before I could stop it and push it away.

I wondered if I could bribe him with sex to let me live a little longer...

I know I know. Just EW lol Dude was a rotten corpse  0_o

He turned to me and said "I can read minds, you know."

That was so awkward and terrifying that the struggle to smooth over the ridiculous faux pas with the clever remark that escaped me actually woke me up. Of all the weird and messed up dreams I've pulled out of early, I would have liked to have finished that one. It really did seem like I was at an important gateway/ crossroads/ turning point in my life, and the scary guy was there to help me, somehow.

I'll come back with a Jungian analysis of that one if anybody cares.

I have a lot of dreams about my parents. I've had many dreams where I'm just so angry at them I wake up screaming. I will sometimes smash down shelves and shelves of alcohol in these dreams and just, with one sweeping motion knock down huge stacks of liquor. Throwing them into the ground and just glass breaking everywhere. Or they're like, screaming at me about something, they're cheating on each other a lot and fighting. And I'm just like, trying to get it to stop. 

And I have a lot of dreams about sexual abuse and kidnapping, of like, of me, as a child usually. It usually involves multiple children. 

And then I used to have a lot of dreams about the end of the world, apocalypses, nukes, concentration camps, disease warfare. All sorts of horrible things. 

And then A LOT of dreams *very strange* dreams about the future, space travel, living on space craft, alien space craft, other planets, alien life, and time travel. Usually the future dreams involve this one large building that everyone lives in and can't get out of, and then everyone else that doesn't live in this big magical building is kind of left to fend for themselves on the outside in extreme poverty and devastation like "Mad Max" the movie. 

and then dreams about Mexico and my ex boyfriend. Like I have nightmares that I wake up and I'm there again somehow and trying to get out or leave. It was an abusive relationship so it's, very much a nightmare to wake up and see him there. Scary violin music plays. Like, Oh god. Not this again. lol Crazy psycho ex. 

(this but it's a guy instead of a girl lol) 

I used to have dreams about like weird things happening to like, my hair and my teeth sometimes. Or like, running from, the law? I've had several dreams where I killed someone and was wanted for murder and that was a flat out nightmare. One time these intruders in the dream came into my house and, I had been stalking them for quite some time it was this couple that was on the run and was on a murder spree and I'd been tracking them. they showed up at my house eventually to kill me but I was prepared and then I just pulled a gun on them and shot them and then put them in garbage cans yeah. it was really gross. and uh.... a few other things like that were I killed in self defense but. then basically had issues with the law because it was still guilty of murder sort of situation. idk. 

Oh yeah and I have dreams about mass shootings, and hurricanes/tornadoes. Like, really extreme storms. 

And sometimes water is another motif like. Bridges, that don't make any sense and I'm lost and then the bridge stops and I'm trying to get across. Or I'm in a swamp or some strange building filled with water and there's alligators and crocodiles trying to get me. That's another motif is alligators. Or like, I'll be on a ship, or a bridge made of wood that's falling apart. Or like, visiting these sort of springs that are only waste deep water that are clear, and there is an Eiffel Tower in the middle, and its like warm and beautiful sparkling sunny water. 

And I have dreams about the beach & the sea a lot like going on vacations (often visiting the same exact places repeatedly, though my brain made them up) the coast, beautiful scenery on the coasts, the beaches. lakes. and arcades and movie theaters are another theme for me, malls yeah. idk why. and very VERY VERY strange museums/theme park tours that get eXTREMELY out of hand. And LARGE hotels, haunted, large, hotels type things, just these IMMACULATE buildings that I couldn't ever dream of existing... with lots of elevators. Or if it's not that it's like, a huge ass sky scraper and I'm at the top and there are these fucking flying things like in Harry Potter that are trying to tell me something I don't fucking know. 

I used to dream about like, school, a lot. Or I dream about like, crawl spaces behind the gymnasium under the seats or, behind backstage of the theaters or movie theaters. And 

And then I have a lot of dreams about where I worked and the people there, my boss and, yeah I'm usually just working? lol 

Sometimes I have dreams that I am working in the hospital and there is horrible things happening like lots of people are sick and dying or, I'm having to choose between a lot of people that need help and there's a lot of chaos and disease, or I'm doing strange surgeries with all these strange machines or strange lab experiments and everything is going wrong like. I'm desperately trying to save someone by pumping on their heart but they're bleeding everywhere and it's just a mess and the surgeon is yelling at me. Or just things like that. Like, talking to dying cancer patients and, dealing with, great flu pandemics where people are separated into wards based on how sick they are and babies are all in these bubbles and they're all dying it's just a mess. 

I've had a lot of dreams about people trying to kill me and then me killing them in self defense, and also about dead animals, is a theme. 

Sometimes the animals talk. in my dreams. Yeah. LOLLL I'll never forget the one where I was having Christmas dinner with my family and a large ram got up on the table and decided to speak whilst staring into a mirror on the wall. it was the most eerie thing I've ever experienced. 

or I have dreams about terrorist attacks and bombs and I'm like trying to stop them or evade them. or like war and stuff. that one gets morbid. 

Oh yeah and lets not forget about the times I've literally fucking died, by killing myself. Or times I went to hell, or experienced very strange spiritual beings. Whether they were demons, angels, angels that were giants, one time I saw god. LOL often I experience the angels in strange liminal spaces that are extremely fucking eerie. these dreams have a very unique vibe to them and the angels themselves look absolutely terrifying but their presecense is so warm and comforting when you are near them that it doesn't bother you. 

And then celebrity dreams like meeting Kylie Jenner or Kurt Cobain, things like that. or uh, John Lennon, and uh.... lets see who else. Jimmie Hindrix. 

I have a lot of dreams about losing control of my vehicle. 

Oh and I have dreams about casual parties a lot. The setting is just like, a normal party. 

And lastly, I have tons of dreams about doing drugs. These ones get really fucking dark and really fucking trippy. Like there was this large hole in the floor and there was only one way out of the room and you had to avoid getting sucked into the hole by going out the exit door but once you exited you wouldn't be able to get back in. This was obviously about like, sobriety and addiction. The hole being addiction. It wasn't hard to get to the door it was just simply difficult to make the choice to leave. Or there will be this hole in the floor and you go deep inside it and then there is this bunker down below where all these people are doing drugs and this guy would come down and bring you the drugs in this bucket and leave it on the floor for you, and I'd be there just days and days and days doing it endlessly just, fading into nothing, losing touch with existence. or just, me walking through these horrible sketchy places to get drugs and it looks like blade runner the 2019 version like, the way those city's look but honestly worse. 

oh yeah and then there is several dreams I have about this really haunted looking old abandoned place, and this involves a lot of death, bugs, crawling on dead people and, portals, that... like, go inside each other and then you have an above view so it's like spiraling outward and you watch the frame of the dream get farther away and then you're inside another dream? and then there is the song that is always playing in dreams that involve this old house and yeah it's really weird and if you try to leave the house you will die or if you even think about leaving you will die and the song never stops playing 

there are dreams like that where like, if you think the thing then it kills you that sort of thing. it's really exhausting. 

oh yeah, and lots of spider dreams. lots of dreams about spiders. sometimes they are these fucking beasts killing you, sometimes they are smaller but they're always all over me and it's horrifying. 

sometimes I have dreams that I lose things. like, people, or, animals, or even one my own children? 

sometimes I have dreams where I'm up in the sky? and then I fall. 

oh yeah and one time I had this dream there was this strange force that you couldn't see that was killing people, like an interdimensional demonic entity idk 

sometimes I have flying dreams where ei can fly a lot. 

and uh.... one time I dreamt I was a super hero and we all had powers.