I was just pissed off and sort of hurt. Still processing the fact you essentially chose CS over me. It broke my heart.
Blanc: we’re not together he can fuck who he wants
And, though this is none of anyone's business and should be between just me and you. The reason why I wasn't as forward with sex is because I wasn't ready, I'm not the type of person who puts out in the first week of hanging out in person like that.
Sooo... you're bi?
I wanted things to sink in a little more so I didn't end up getting used. I just saw the time we spent together as a time to get to know each other, and advance to those levels of intimacy later on when I felt more comfortable.
How long though, how much time would it take of in person interaction?
I'd have figured that much of your online interaction would have made that easier.
I was terrified in the back of your mind you weren't as committed or took relationships as seriously as I do
You mean when you go on about being with other women when you were with Tryp as your means of getting back at him, like that chick with the blue hair?
It's also a risk for a female in a lot of ways, STD's, pregnancy, etc.
Using a condom helps with both of these things, and if you're worried about it have him go get tested.
If sex is on the line I could see him bothering to do it.
It's serious shit to me, and it's something that belongs in a mature and committal relationship.
You have to actually have a relationship if you want it to have the time to mature into it's next stages.
So yeah, the first two weeks hanging out, it's okay to have fun. But, I wasn't ready to fully just give myself away to someone like that.
How is sex "giving yourself away" wtf?
And I also, definately haven't understood my sexuality over the past few years but.
You're bi.
I understand now that I do love being with you in particular. For what it's worth.
So why not just be good friends while he has the freedom to fuck other women? Why should he have to share your celibacy just so that you'd be happy?
I know by this point, you hate me and don't care about me anymore.
Honestly, how he's responding to you right now's yet more reruns, and if you were paying attention to who he is instead of just looking at yourself you'd see more than the ideas you've built around him with Youtube videos and daydreaming.
He's been like this for years now, then you go back, then when people inform you of your own thoughts you claim no one knows what they're talking about and that you're fine.
Stop. Tuning. People. Out. Let it be about them for a bit so that you can vicariously live through them, learn lessons through their actions, and witness how other people feel instead of just self-narrating what you see in the mirror.
All I see from this is that you were never paying attention to Tryp in the first place beyond his attendance, beyond the room for him to say "Yes dear" if not cause an argument when he doesn't. He's no saint, but you're playing the victim card way too loudly.
But I just wanted to let you know that's what was going on. And I miss being together. I had high hopes that by christmas this year we would somehow end up together again, in the back of my mind I just assumed it would fall into place.
You need to figure out what you want, rather than blame other people for displeasing you when all we have as a gauge for this is you.
You also need to learn how compromises work. Rather than being demanding, it's a tradeoff, give and take, accepting things you may not want so that you can get the things you feel like you need. Instead, you've been here making contradictory demands, then you blame them for "not understanding you" when we all at this point to varying degrees see more of you than you do.
If you want to fight for the things you want, you need to be willing to give up some of your security through tradeoffs. "In order to use your sword, you must first lower your shield."
I was hoping you would care about your sobriety again, which you did, on your own. Which I know you have to do, on your own. And I was really proud of you for doing your best and doing that on your own volition etc.
Well this is progress anyway, you kept trying to snag the credit when it was more recent.
And I was hoping, someday you know. We'd hang out again. Even if it was just hanging out as friends.
You could still do that and he has never expressed otherwise.
But, how hateful you are toward me well. It gets on my nerves and wears me thin, beacuse you don't understand that you have greatly mispercieved the person I am. Because of some shit I type into an internet dumpster.
Ugh this shit again.
Take some responsibility for your own actions. We may have not chosen to be born into this world as we are, but we are still responsible for all that comes from us. Instead of rebuking others for your mistakes, you ought to take some time to figure yourself out instead of merely spouting aimlessly about what an expert you are.
"Empty your cup."
Anyway, apologies, and. I hope one day we can be neutral again, at the very least. I understand if that is going to take you a lot of time and space. I get that.
Try to understand what's going on if you want to salvage anything.
It took me a lot of time and space to figure out what I wanted too, and I appreciate you not resenting me for that.
You still don't know what you want or how to get there, as you are unwilling to compromise in almost any shape or form.
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