Sociopath Community

Turncoat said: 

Do you have any strategies in mind for if you end up going through transference again? 

You have that tendency to swap between worship and revulsion when it comes to your mates based on your mood swings, and to be honest your worship times concern me just as much as when you cast them out as demons. I fear that this binary makes it that much harder to just neutrally chill with someone you love, to just see them as a person instead of like chasing them like a drug that can talk back to you. If you can see them as a person, then their room to disappoint you will trigger you less, while if you see them as unable to make mistakes than their mistakes will scream at you that much louder. 

You're at the core of your relationships for where they end up going, and how prone you are to externalizing has you push others away until you find yourself alone again. Perhaps you just need a partner that knows how to give you space during such times, and also knows when to suggest it? 

Idk me and my love are inseparable when we're together unless there are rules and i mood swing and idealize / devalue all over the place with him and he enjoys it lmao

like I said, a healthy relationship where the other partner is capable of taming her and / or not be too affected by the mood swings is extremely healing for borderline pd

It's nice that you found someone who's more patient about it (I like it too, it's infectious), but if you keep him on a pedestal then you're liable to only see him as an Angel or Demon instead of loving him for the Human he is. 

I know the worship feels good, but that's Honeymoon Phase's drug. Down the line you'll develop a tolerance, and if you're surging to it this hard when your tolerance is low then your withdrawal's going to be nasty. When it doesn't feel as good anymore, you're liable to blame him instead of focusing on your own affect on this situation. Instead of treating him like a drug, you could keep him as a more permanent friend if you learn a more mature form of love through finding a neutral baseline, seeing his flaws and mistakes for what they are instead of ignoring them. 

Having a neutral baseline established makes it easier to remember why you stayed with the person when the times are bad and they help dull the pain of their flaws when experienced during the good times. I promote balance if you want longevity, but if you'd rather have excitement then it'll burn out as fast as you let it. 

Turncoat said: 

It's nice that you found someone who's more patient about it (I like it too, it's infectious), but if you keep him on a pedestal then you're liable to only see him as an Angel or Demon instead of loving him for the Human he is. 

I know the worship feels good, but that's Honeymoon Phase's drug. Down the line you'll develop a tolerance, and if you're surging to it this hard when your tolerance is low then your withdrawal's going to be nasty. When it doesn't feel as good anymore, you're liable to blame him instead of focusing on your own affect on this situation. Instead of treating him like a drug, you could keep him as a more permanent friend if you learn a more mature form of love through finding a neutral baseline, seeing his flaws and mistakes for what they are instead of ignoring them. 

Having a neutral baseline established makes it easier to remember why you stayed with the person when the times are bad and they help dull the pain of their flaws when experienced during the good times. I promote balance if you want longevity, but if you'd rather have excitement then it'll burn out as fast as you let it. 

of course, he's my best friend as well as lover and that's why he wants to potentially marry me and have a kid with me in the future

and yes I agree about seeing him as a human, not an angel or demon