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Disarray


Posts: 1100

I've been unhappy since middle school

I've never fealt what it's like to care about another person. I know I'm supposed to but I just cant seem to manage how.

People see through that. You're supposed to get excited to hang out with your friends. I have never once asked to tag along with them. So I've spent the last 10 years alone. 

It used to be that I only needed my aspirations to keep me company. But now, it feels like it all matters less. I dont care about anything because I know that no matter how hard I work toward my future or making my dreams come true, it wont fix the fact that I'll harbor an empty chamber.

Things wont be different just because I have a house and I live in a new place.  I wanted to think that if I took antidepressants my carefreeness would eventually dissolve. But I only become more set in stone than the past day. clearly this has more to do with a disordered personality than some clinical depression. Living in this empty plane is inherently depressing, everyone feels it on some level. So that cant be what my problem is because it doesnt affect me anymore than the next guy...I'm just disordered despite my every attempt to keep things in order to satisfy my OCD

last edit on 2/7/2020 6:39:56 AM
Posts: 1662
0 votes RE: Disarray

Lol dude I was just thinking about cursing you a few minutes ago, and with everyone else it was a good idea but when it came to you my intuition was like "he's already empty, there's no point nothing will happen"

 

And then you post this shit 

 

anyway I feel sorry for you. I can't relate because I have people I genuinely care about in my life who care about me back

last edit on 2/7/2020 6:42:43 AM
Posts: 1100
0 votes RE: Disarray

Lol dude I was just thinking about cursing you a few minutes ago, and with everyone else it was a good idea but when it came to you my intuition was like "he's already empty, there's no point nothing will happen"

 

And then you post this shit 

 

anyway I feel sorry for you. I can't relate because I have people I genuinely care about in my life who care about me back

 You know I dont believe in your curses

But you're right, I already have one

Is there some type of personality disorder where you cant feel attachment of any sort to people

Sometimes I can empathize with their emotions but it takes a lot

Posts: 1662
0 votes RE: Disarray
FOTS said: 

Lol dude I was just thinking about cursing you a few minutes ago, and with everyone else it was a good idea but when it came to you my intuition was like "he's already empty, there's no point nothing will happen"

 

And then you post this shit 

 

anyway I feel sorry for you. I can't relate because I have people I genuinely care about in my life who care about me back

 You know I dont believe in your curses

But you're right, I already have one

Is there some type of personality disorder where you cant feel attachment of any sort to people

Sometimes I can empathize with their emotions but it takes a lot

 Slay seems to think he has....fuck now I forgot what he said. Slay what disorder did you think you had besides ASPD again ?

last edit on 2/7/2020 6:48:39 AM
Posts: 1100
0 votes RE: Disarray

Does it even matter if you put a name to it, there's no cure regardless 

Idt having something to wear around as a badge is gonna help

last edit on 2/7/2020 6:55:57 AM
Posts: 1662
0 votes RE: Disarray

I think to refine my intuition a little more it was an observation that you truly arent attached to anyone or anything, and that for some reason cursing you wouldnt work

 

I dont know why it wouldnt work, but that is what my intuition told me so I assumed that it was because you were empty or had no soul or something more complicated that I do not currently understand 

 

Slay on the other hand does care what others think of him, a lot, and he is quite curseable 

last edit on 2/7/2020 6:59:08 AM
Posts: 1100
0 votes RE: Disarray

Im not attached to anything, frankly

You could take anything away from me if you wanted and I would get over it in less than a minute

Idk how to put a label on that but if slay has one I guess I'm all ears

last edit on 2/7/2020 7:01:48 AM
Posts: 1662
0 votes RE: Disarray

but Slay told me he thinks he has some other disorder, that he probably doesnt have but you might have that one 

Posts: 9480
0 votes RE: Disarray

Get a psychiatrist, psychologist or therapist. 

 

We can't properly diagnose you but if you're facing a struggle or dysfunction like in your, social, life for example. You can work on that to better it with a professional. 

 

But if this was just journaling/talking about it, I get that too. 

 

Perhaps you're looking for someone who understands more than someone who has a solution. So you can accept the way you are 

last edit on 2/7/2020 7:04:10 AM
Posts: 1100
0 votes RE: Disarray

I was just saying it bc things explode when you keep it to yourself, now I can go another stretch without it bothering me 

But those other things sound good

Probably not going to a therapist, there's nothing to work on when you cant empathize with people 

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