I am not even controlled by being in control lol. I figured out I literally can turn my “charmâ€/hypnotism whatever you want to call it on and off. At work and in public it is default on unless I am in a situation where acting “weak†or co-dependent benefits my short or long term goals. In this case I can make the conscious choice to turn my psychopathic side off.
For example, at work…..with my coworkers, I act like their friend. I am nice to all my coworkers and I can get on anyones’ good side, this is a fact. If I have coworkers that are in the same rank as me and try to “control†me, I will put them in their place in the nicest way possible so we are equals. With my supervisors/managers I act confident but humble, just the right balance of “worshipping†but not to the point where I have no self-confidence because being worshipped by someone that doesn’t respect them selves is a turn off lol.
I think if I created my own life before I was born, or if there is a God, he/I (lol) was like let’s give this cunt the most challenging and rewarding life possible and roll it into one. Fuck her childhood and school/college years, fuck that HARD but giver her from 22 on to have the best most enjoyable interesting life possible (: I wouldn’t trade my disorder for being normal, not for all the $ in the world. The second I decided enabling narcissists was keeping me from achieving my goals, my psychopathic side became dominant instead of in the background (covert narcissism),
all I had to do was prove to my self that enabling narcissists was not in my best interest like I used to believe lol. My life is mind blowingly amazing. Oh and when I am at home I can turn it off and act like a retard when no one is watching and do totally embarrassing things just because. A psychopath can’t do that. A psychopath doesn’t have the choice to be in control or not in control. I do (: I am the fucking coolest human being in the world and no one can tell me I’m wrong because I’m not suck my dick (: