This is something that has been bothering me for awile. So you should stop whatever you are doing that you think is important and write a post in this thread. This is the way I feel, (as best i can with no emotion). I know that most of the time I react way out of proportion to what someone has done to me. I know that I am overreacting but at the same time I feel like how could u not? I just genuinely don't know what I am supposed to do and have alot of trouble discerning what the appropriate response would be, I react in an extreme way but if I tone it down I always feel like I didn't do as much as I should have. If I choose to tone down my initial reaction and go for one I know most people would think is more appropriate I always feel very, incomplete, I guess? Like I just feel like I am not done yet. I don't feel like it is over. If I indulge in my extreme reaction though that is my first instinct I always feel much better. I feel relieved. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Like I really got that person, and anyone in their right mind would never fuck with me again after that or they'd be nuts. If I am violent towards someone or their property I never ever get a rush at the time, I have about as much excitment as when I am filling out forms at the D.M.V or something. It's the feeling afterwards, like I am so good at problem solving, and so powerful with my own mind that if anyone tries to fuck with me they are going to have a very creative, highly motivated guy on their hands that doesn't comprehend the meaning of boundries. It's just that there are alot of issues with this.
A. it's a numbers game.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtaF4MNvyUc in this interview he talks about how sociopaths/psychopaths get away with their crimes almost all of the time, it's just about frequency. Most serial killers aren't sociopaths. But the ones that are sociopaths always have the highest body count, they get away with most of their murders, it's just that after awile they do so many it's just a numbers game until they get caught. And most the time the sociopaths themselves even realize that. (Richard kuklinski the sociopathic hitman said in his book "iceman: confessions of a mafia hitman") that he knew from the begining it would only be a matter of time before he gets caught if he was murdering people at this rate before he was caught. (the full audiobook is on youtube by the way if you want to listen to it while you get all your sociopathic chores/errands done). Ted Bbundy's investigators called it the "girl of the month club" becuz ted would kill on average 1 girl a month, and literally admitted to marking on his calender what day he would be free for a violent bloody sex romp. (he was becoming a lawyer he had other shit to do like learn how to defend himself agaisn't abduction accusations). So if anyone phsycopath or not commits crimes at high frequency even if they are argueably the best or at least one of the best at what they're doing (richard kuklinski), they will eventually get caught.
B. It's time consuming. Reacting in a way that does massive damage to people takes time, effort, and resources. Sociopaths like to be goal-oriented so it's kind of a drag to pull everyone who looks at you wrong to hell and back making sure their lower intestine gets well acquainted with your urethra.
C. It just isn't effective. I would give anything to just know how a normal person would react in the exact situation I am in at the time. It's just that if the person knows me in real life or is in one of my social groups i don't really want them to know I am pissed off at X person becuz I like to use the element of suprise "when I put my iron hand into a velvet glove and stab them in the back with the sweetest of smiles on my face" to borrow a quote from good ole' Napoleon Bonaparte. It would be far more effective to be able to react in proportion to the damage incurred, and feel completely better about it and not feel empty, weak, and have a strong urge to attack again. I just feel like how could you not feel the way I do though?
Please challenge or agree, or pick apart my thought process in the forums. critism is more than welcome I wont try to bully or troll u if u criticize anything I post becuz I want to encourage everyone to be completely honest, accurate, and candid so we can come to the closest conclusion to truth as possible.
