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Sugarcoating


Posts: 3882

There's a fine line between being direct and being bitchy, few people have the awareness, restraint and sincerity to keep from crossing it.

"Personally, I hate when people sugarcoat things or evade relaying an unpleasant truth. What hurts the most is to be denied truth. It is an insult to my intelligence and the ultimate act of disrespect. "

There are times and circumstances to sugarcoat things. It's not always an insult to a person's intelligence, especially if the discussed topic has emotional triggers with the person. You can get the same message across in various indirect ways, getting what you need said without throwing off their emotional stability. I'm like that with certain issues and it doesn't at all make me feel like I'm getting my ass kissed, or that they're insulting me. It's a huge sign of respect, that they care enough to see these issues/problems solved or discussed but also go through extra lengths of concern on the matter.

Posts: 2358
Sugarcoating

As is always best: think in gradients and not monochromatic absolutes.  This is a better objective than definition.  A better calling to explore, since it will take you to more interesting places.

Posts: 420
Sugarcoating

Fuck me I just got baited horribly. Clicked thinking it's shipping thread and it's not, well I feel stupid.

Posts: 2358
Sugarcoating

You don't nor can you ever.  It is always your own choice.  Ask yourself only what you would want to believe and see what that tells you about yourself first.

Posts: 755
Sugarcoating

Insult the behaviour, not the person.

smh idiots 

Posts: 1566
Sugarcoating

you can either sugarcoat it, or not

what you are referring to, i think, is the method of delivery.

Posts: 948
Sugarcoating

i sometimes sugarcoat if i care about the person enough to not hurt their feelings but i still dont understand why they dislike the thing im sugarcoating so much,but mostly if i think it would do them harm to sugarcoat my thoughts i wont,mostly i just sperg out with whatever is on my mind 

Posts: 10218
Sugarcoating

Bluntness gets to the point faster, and having someone expect it is a sugarcoating of it's own design. 

I tend to be blunt, and down the line I'm usually thanked for the honesty. It promotes them behaving in the same way back towards me, which is how I prefer it. It does have the drawback of people saying that I don't give enough compliments, but that also stems from how disingenuous I tend to find compliments. 

Posts: 563
Sugarcoating

I prefer people to be straightforward, not leaving any necessary information out. When people beat around the bush too much, or evade the entire truth, I don't like it. 

I am extremely matter of fact. 

Posts: 3246
Sugarcoating

"Do you prefer people to be blunt with you are use tact?"

I prefer them to be blunt. I feel when people are tact about many things, the conversations become annoying and trifling as they beat around the bush about whatever it is they have to say.

That being said, tact is likely the most safe approach, as many people can be rather reactive to perceived criticism.

So it is more effective to smooth things over for these people, and more effective to be blunt with others. I prefer bluntness, because not only does it not involve obnoxious cloying, it gives you direct perception into whatever the issue is.

"How far does tactfulness go before it becomes a lie?"

I would have to really think about that question to give it what I would consider a proper response. But I'm not in the mood for that, so I'll give a basic response.

Tactfulness is essentially the art of getting some personal grievance or issue across to someone without having them feel hurt, or provoking a caustic response. I would argue tactfulness itself is not a form of dishonesty, but a manner of handling a situation. When there are white lies, or disingenuous representations of intent, then immediately the realm of deception has been entered.

"Do you tend to sugarcoat things?"

Only when necessary. In my experience of life, I've encountered many people who tend to be rather sensitive. And it seems to be culturally inappropriate in many different circles I've traveled through to be "rude." That is no bother, but rather my preference on dealing with them, if that's how I have to act.

My best friends and those who I interact with often find my blatantness refreshing. I am willing to say what's on my mind without worrying about giving offense to them, or even what they may think of me.

"Personally, I hate when people sugarcoat things or evade relaying an unpleasant truth. What hurts the most is to be denied truth. It is an insult to my intelligence and the ultimate act of disrespect. For instance, if you dislike someone, but say otherwise, you are basically saying you dislike them anyway because are admitting they are not worth honesty."

My views are actually very similar to this, but I do not perceive it as the perpetrators not thinking I am "worth honesty." I personally see it is them thinking I can't see through their bullshit game of trying to make me feel at ease instead of being straight-up with me. This is most disappointing when I am blunt with these people. It makes me see them as cowards.

"Also, you are potentially wasting their time on purpose for sick enjoyment. I bet you get off to what you think is their ignorance. You should really just say you hate them or that this dress makes her look fat or that he's a beta loser with like a single pathetic strand of facial hair."

These do not seem like normal examples of the use of tact to me.

If you go around saying that sort of stuff all the time, you're going to sabotage yourself. Some level of tact is necessary. The key is balance.

10 posts
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