i sometimes experience all consuming powerful hatred against a target
it can be directed at friends, family, gf, my pet dog, a table for being in my way
have you experienced this
how do you cope
are you afraid you might snap and do something stupid
potato head stated: source post
i sometimes experience all consuming powerful hatred against a target
it can be directed at friends, family, gf, my pet dog, a table for being in my way
have you experienced this
Almost daily...
how do you cope
I pray...
are you afraid you might snap and do something stupid
That... is why I pray.
potato head stated: source post
i sometimes experience all consuming powerful hatred against a target
it can be directed at friends, family, gf, my pet dog, a table for being in my way
have you experienced this
how do you cope
are you afraid you might snap and do something stupid
No.
Yes, I've gotten pissed off enough where it feels there's some switch that releases impulse from its leash, and my (mental?) finger hovers ever so threateningly over it...waiting for some threshold. It's just that I've frightened myself with how quick, fluid and nearly unnoticed a change of mindset can carry me away. Like when people get the flu: it's as hard to really acquaint yourself with the situation of illness when you're well, as it is to remember normalcy when sick. These constraints on impulsive conduct are rather thin -- like paper thin, as in those Japanese houses (pic to follow below) -- so I often have to maintain a conscious vigil of factors.
Anyway, a lot more to it than that, but I've gotten bored of typing all of a sudden.
Buttered Toast stated: source post
so I often have to maintain a conscious vigil of factors.
trigger
....seems SC is mostly BPD...hmmm...interesting...
Buttered Toast stated: source post
It's just that I've frightened myself with how quick, fluid and nearly unnoticed a change of mindset can carry me away.
You have actually been frightened by your self? With no malice intended on my part... what is that like?
I've lost control a few times with some serious consequences. I know how ...um, tautologically invalidating it sounds. It's just something to veer me from any undesired action which I might feel justified now and not enjoy consequences thereafter. "Frightened" might be too strong, but I've put red flags along certain trails of thought in order to get my attention. It's just a means to create a gap between thought and action in certain situations. More time I can crowbar open the more time I can enjoy returning to more rational thinking, sans consequence.