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I found this in a video...
INTRODUCTION
Forgiveness is a power play.
There is someone who does something wrong to someone they care about the person might say they forgive the person. It means that this person is just saying "I judged you to have been a bad person for your behavior. I think you are okay now,". It is a power play because the forgiver wants to decide when the individual feels guilt or freedom from guilt. It means taking on the role of a judge in their life.
FORGIVING FOR REAL
Forgiveness is not someone deciding that someone screwed up and now they are judged to be adequate to remove them from their guilt. It is not a punishment to be served. It is not an audition for forgiveness.
It is possible to give true forgiveness. It means not expecting or wanting the person to work up merit and worth. It means not having them beg or audition for approval. In true forgiveness the heart has to accept the person rather than the ego to approve or disapprove. It means accepting their own vulnerability. It is understanding the feeling rise from their perception of an interaction.
In depth forgiveness is when the person understand they projected anger on someone based on their experience. It is coming to see that under the anger there was fear and sadness. It is when they acknowledge they did not feel right when everything went down. In order to have true forgiveness the person must forgive themselves for their negative emotions. It can't be blaming the other one for their emotional state. It is seeing they reacted with anger because they could not dig inward at a fast enough pace. It is a person who learns to forgive themselves for their emotions. It is seeing that they forgive themselves for not having the power and ability to show someone the way they want to be someone to behave. It means letting go of the fear that they are not able to show someone the way they want to be treated.
It should be mentioned there is anger against the person. It just just one layer of the feelings the person experiences.
BEING FORGIVEN FOR REAL
It is not right for someone to beg for forgiveness. It means they want the other individual to take responsibility for how they feel. It means they are waiting for the opportunity to be relieved of guilt and their imagined punishment. In other words it means they do not want forgiveness. It shows the person they just want to be free from their pain.
In the case when someone wants real forgiveness it is different. It is not wrong to feel guilt for ones conduct. It is better to not put the responsibility of their own emotions on someone other than themselves. It is not about seeking approval to deny their own feelings. It means accepting what is in their own heart and in the heart of the person they care about.
If anyone wants real forgiveness... they are missing the point. It comes to a point they would rather know how the other person felt rather than how easily they can earn forgiveness.
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