i am shocked and appalled young lady.. ;)
Not bad erotica material once you actually get into the sex itself. The descriptiveness was good, but often left out the element of emotion, and seemed to lack flow.
I agree with Jim that drama is lacking. There could be more foreplay, teasing, etc.
Anyways, it was decent. Maybe focus a bit more on character development. Once you got into the fucking, that became the vast majority of the content.
He tried to appear unaffected and blow it off but the homosexual insinuations cut too close to home. ‘How did they know?’ he wondered when he hadn’t even admitted it to himself. He’d noticed himself taking more and more pleasure from Jim's trolling and flirting recently but he told himself he wasn’t a fag. He couldn’t be. He was almost convinced but still, it bothered him how fast he became cock-stiff whenever Jim, and now Litany, were online.
This is what often fuelled the alcohol induced rage he frequently unleashed online. He was frustrated with his life and it was too hard to keep living a lie.