Sociopath Community

The first vice being alcohol was unsurprising. Running away into a sense of euphoria from the mess of a life I had returned home to made perfect sense. My two best friends had constructed walls and defenses around each other and by proxy I was being walled out as well, and beginning to construct my own defenses. With no one to talk to, I was left with a bottle. Eventually the bottle didn’t say as much as it did at the start of our relationship so I turned to other people outside of my normal relationships. I like sex more than drugs, to include alcohol. I need sex, and with a drunken overweight wife I wasn’t getting any. That’s how affairs start…

In 2009 our oldest son began his sophomore year of High School. He was doing great as far as his grades were concerned, was popular with many good friends, and had even started as fullback for the football team rushing for 1,000+ yards in 8 games with 12 touchdowns. His future looked very bright. The only issue I had with him was one evening in the fall of that year, shortly before I left for Afghanistan, I caught him drinking. He had been over to a friend’s house and came home intoxicated enough that it was noticeable. We talked. He worked his ass off the next day around the house and afterwards he assured me it wouldn’t happen again… In September of 2010 our oldest son’s grades were F’s and D’s, he no longer played sports, and I confiscated an eighth of weed from his bedroom. It would take me a minute to figure out what all the cough medicine tablets were for…

I received orders to the Fleet in late 2008, just about the same time my wife and I found out she was pregnant with our fourth child. The unit I was assigned to was on a crash course with a major operation preparing to take place in Marjeh, Afghanistan. We were not expecting another child, but trying to find the silver lining this was a chance to get the girl we always wanted. In retrospect, these were two very large life changing situations and they would do some damage. I had previously lead units into combat situations and returned with all my Marines and Sailors alive with all ten fingers and toes. I hadn’t previously been the father of a toddler and new born during those deployments. I began drinking more than I should.

While in the Mojave Desert in the summer of 09, doing work ups for the upcoming battle, my father and his wife visited my wife and children. It is the last time my father’s wife has ever seen my children, and my father would only see them once more to this present date. I don’t know what was said, or who did what, but the end state is my wife exploded on my father and his missus and none of them speak. My father no longer acknowledges me or my family. This was compounded stress that I didn’t have time for. Training young men for combat and ensuring they had every piece of gear necessary to mitigate possible loss of life and massive destruction to our enemy was the larger priority. The drinking became heavier and a few new vices would emerge. Seems… I had been triggered.

I agree. I was happy to see this thread and am interested to hear more of the story, Tom. Deployment must take a real toll on both sides. Seems like you and your wife decided to have two sets of kids...what made you decide to have more so many years after the first two? Did your wife always drink or just after you left for Afghanistan? 

She was a Marine. A SSgt. Mid 20s and in great shape. An athlete. She was enamored. I was needy. I don’t like being needy. It makes one susceptible to betraying one’s values. The conversation is what stimulated me, but I think she knew that. Her physical appearance was the hook, but her mind was the reel. She got what she wanted and as much as I could give her… it was physical for her. Sometimes I miss talking to her, but I have known my share of freaks. Can’t miss what was/is readily available…

I smoked that 1/8 of weed the night I confiscated it from our son. Out of the bowl I confiscated as well. I walked into our 16 year old son’s room to tell him dinner would be ready in five minutes to find his room empty with the window open and screen out. I decided to take a seat on a stool and see what might happen. I closed the door. Less than five minutes later I see fingers on the sill and in crawls my boy!

                “What ya doing, Son?”

                “Smoking weed.”

He was as direct and as honest as I had ever taught him to be. I took his weed and smoked a bit later that night. I was a 40 year old MSgt in the USMC half drunk at midnight with a fling calling my cell as my wife lay passed out on the couch… how is that for justification? It wasn’t smart. It was a slippery slope I would fall down…

Why aren't there more replies to this thread? I think it's awesome that you're talking about this. It sucks that your wife cracked under pressure, but I bet it wasn't easy for her either, having to face the possibility of you dying and being left with the kids and stuff. It takes a certain special strength to cope with that, so it's hard to choose the right woman for it.

Also, why didn't you ask more details about what happened between your wife and your father? Seems like a bit of a big deal to just wave off. Whatever it was, your father's attitude seems rash and unfair. Did you and your dad have a bad relationship before all that happened?