Can you video stream your death for us? Its selfish to go out without a audience
This is more of a vent than a cry for attention, and some good news for the ones that hate me here. I've been alternating between a state of frustrated anger and depressed hopelessness all my life and I feel like I reached the bottom of the barrel. It feels like it's never going to get better and it's just too much to bear for me anymore. I tried being strong and pushing through but there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it's due to my BPD traits but weed and my meds don't do it anymore and the constant mental pain and the sensation of deprivation just never stops just never stops and I'm done. If I don't log back don't hesitate to make suicidal kebab guy memes of me lel. Don't forget me and feel disgusted by me and hate me forever. Bye
We've all been at this point my man. Just find something to commit too, for me it was myself and finding out what I can do with this body/willpower.
Take this feeling of hopelessness, utilize it for unprecedented narc motivation. What the fuck do you have to lose? Shoot for the stars motherfucker.
As a BPD it's possible you're experiencing accumulated guilt. It's the misplaced guilt from those times you go far with remarks on the unfortunate. Those who understand you know you mean well, after all, humour is essential for good mental health, and it seems as though you can use a bit of callousness which may provide you serenity.
Try doing something heartfelt, not for you but for others. That's when the emptiness tends to leave, and before long you'll find some practices that will keep you before the next episode.