Never has a tiny punchline been so buried by practical-yet-funny-because-it's-true facts and advice.
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Law of attraction. You have parasites. Most common type is the pinworm.
They live in your intestine, and when you're sleeping, they'll come out in numbers and lay their microscopic eggs along your anus. Thousands of eggs each.
Whatever makes contact with your anus becomes infected, and when an infected item touches something else, that something else becomes infected too.
For the sake of examination there's methods for drawing them out. When it comes to the giant tapeworms, the ones that can grow several feet in length, there's a removal method that involves a candy bar and some duct tape. That's another case. However if you plugged your anus with a piece of chocolate and lay down in the dark, for 10 minutes. You can then get up and when you pull the plug, you'll see a very active party of tiny little strings happening.
What you must do....
- Inform your household about your symptoms and discovered knowledge. Not only is the parasite contagious from infected objects, but they could unknowingly have the parasite too. Disinfecting as much of the house and objects as you can is good.
- Research and learn as much as you can about how to deal with this. You'll see practices such as examining your own stool.
- Seek out an over the counter worm medicine. There's different selections of this important cleansing medicine, but a good start would be the "DeWitt's Worm Syrup" which can be found in a Caribbean shop if you have one in your area. Yes, this means you have to turn to black folks to sell you a cure. You can look into other brands such as Wormwood syrup which might fuck you up a bit, though it will kill your unwanted guests, Wormwood is more expensive and you'll probably have to order it. Big Pharma will sell you something over the counter, which will probably involve a more expensive and prolonged method of taking pills 3 times a day for weeks. I recommend the worm syrup.
- From now on, you must "worm out" once a year. Not because you'd be infected, but as a preventative/maintenance thing. Everyone should do this, but they don't really teach this in school.
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