Turkey, next to greece if you couldn't recall
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I don`t think this is so easy to answer. Do you have emotions? You said you were in love, so did you really FEEL love? Because sociopaths per definition are not emotional (i.e not able to feel deep feelings) and mostly also unable of compassion. What is your game with others, how do you cope with them? Because it could also be depression (explaining your lack of motivation).
Hi guys, i hope you wouldn't mind my bad english. I know it is a classic but i have to ask it at least talk about it. Am i a sociopath?
I never hurt animals or bugs when i was a child. And i thought i was just like other people except a few moments. First of them was when i was in primary school. Always been a decent student. Once, we were playing with kids and one of them tripped me off. I fell and i bit my tongue, it started to bleed. It was hurting a lot but i was feeling good, wasn't able to help my smile. I was 12 when that happened. Just like i said i was a decent student so the principal wasn't calling me in his room to tell off often. But after a little fight between my classmates he called every male student in his room and started to tell off. And well i started to laugh. I wasn't able to stop it. After this event the principal started to call me in his room more often because he got his eyes on me once but nothing serious happened. He told off, i laughed. This is how i finished primary school.
In the highschool i was a decent student again. Well i wasn't the best student in the school like i was in primary school but i was an average student. When i was 17 i fell in love with a girl. And actually i realised that there were nothing that was keeping me alive before i started to love something or someone. Well she friendzoned me but it isn't our subject, right? After i stopped loving her i mean after i lost my feelings towards her i totally started to feel empty. I wasn't upset because she didn't love me. I was sad because i realised there is nothing in this world that attracts me. Every night i imagined my own death. But didn't commit suicide because i knew i will be better if i love someone so i kept living. One of those empty nights i went out to the streets at midnight with hoping that somebody would attack me. Not because i wanted to die, because i wanted some excitement. And unfortunately no one didn't attack me.
Well it has been a little long but i really need to talk at least write. So what you think? If there is any specific information you want you can ask. I have to sleep right now the sun rose up in this part of earth.
Well at first i used my love towards her to prove that i am not a sociopath but then i found an article about it in sociopathworld.com and apparently they do love. About emotions, for an example seriously while i was just writing that my mother and father had a huge arguement. I really dont know why did they argue but my mother spilled the soup over my father and than she passed out (or she imitiated so) than my sister started to cry and all i wasn't feeling anything. I wasn't concerned. I can say that i was thinking about this site and what will i post. I am just like this in arguements last two years (even before i knew there was such a concept like sociopathy) if the arguement isnt about me. My family doesn't argue that much and none of us didn't pass out until now.
If we will return to love. I have to say that i felt love very deeply. I was jealous about everyhing and everyone including her brother even her female friends. Just as i said after i get friendzoned it ended immadiately. Maybe this isn't love what i was feeling because when i love a girl that means i dont have any friends, i love people only when i am lonely. For an example i didn't love anyone when i had friends.
I have a little circle of friends. And i am really bad at keeping in touch with them. I don't love being with people. But i hate being alone. It's like i consume myself when i am alone. When i think about my relationships i realise that i don't care about my friends i wouldn't care if they will die. Maybe i would be upset a little bit. But like i said i am more intrested at not being alone than their own sake.
Edit: I realised that the girls that i love really looks like me from outside. Silent, watching people, reading a few books at least. Now there is a girl that i hope she is a sociopath when i see how normal she is my feelings die and when she acts like me (for an example she laughed while someone was crying) my feelings thrive. I can't imagine myself loving someone normal because i know that i will get bored of her really soon.
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