Thanks Turn, was hoping you'd take this.
Edit: Holy crap, how did you manage to discover the video trick...
I used to do website work and exercises, and I'd practice it with Notepad instead of programs like Dreamweaver to have it stick in my head more. The tediousness stops feeling like so much trouble after enough time building pages.
Videos in that way allow for autoplay as well, so it seems like the old autoplay shinanigans have returned.
As Edvard requested in this topic, a tutorial is in order! As I discover how to alter more things (and become patient enough to add stuff I already know) I'll add more to this topic through editing the OP.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Emoticons
1) Find a website with emoticons on them. For the sake of this exercise I'll be using this page: http://www.symbols-n-emoticons.com/p/facebook-emoticons-list.html
2) Find the emoticon from the list that you want and copy it's link. This can be done through right clicking on it and selecting "copy image location".
3) Click the picture icon (
) and paste your emoticon link.
4) Bam! Emoticon. I've been doing this on the old forum for a while from hating the blue ones. It's super easy. 
Videos:
1) Copy the embed code.
2) Type something into the text box and apply one of the bottom buttons to it (or use hotkeys, like ctrl + u for underlining).
3) Right click it and go to "Inspect Element".
4) This should bring you to the post code. Right click the part you're inspecting and select "Edit as HTML".
5) Replace your originally typed and formatted words with the embed code. The height and width values allow you to resize it as you desire.
6) Click out of the box where you can edit the code and it should apply it to your post in place of this forum's pre-made version. You even can preview it within the content box to see if it's as you want it to appear or not.
7) Click "Post" and it should be there. If the lack of border disturbs you, replace the 0 in frameborder="0" with a number. Full screening continues to not work for me, so adjusting the way it appears in posts is my way around that.
Underline and Strikethrough
1) Underlining can be done as simply as highlighting the text and pressing CTRL + U, but it can also be done through Inspect Elements.
2) Type something into the text box and apply one of the bottom buttons to it.
3) Right click it and go to "Inspect Element".
4) This should bring you to the post code. Right click the part you're inspecting and select "Edit as HTML".
5) When typing in tags to alter the appearance of words, you have to open and close it. Strikethrough is done with typing <s> and </s> around the words, Underlining is done with <u> and </u>, Italics is <i> and </i>, and bold... strangely is <strong> or <b>.
Text Colors
1) Type something into the text box and apply one of the bottom buttons to it.
2) Right click it and go to "Inspect Element".
3) This should bring you to the post code. Right click the part you're inspecting and select "Edit as HTML".
4) Around your text, typing <font color="color you want">example text</font> around the text you want to change the color of's been my method. Example: <font color="green">Green Text</font>.
5) If you want more control over the colors, you can instead of words go for hexadecimal codes. These in place of colors like "green" or "gold" are a series of six numbers that can be used to get to the exact color that you want. The scaling system goes not just 0 to 9, but also A to F, granting 16 different degrees per character. This color system is done using light instead of the more traditional understanding of color represented through paints, so instead of Red, Yellow, And Blue you have Red, Green, and Blue, in that order. Yellow text for example would be something like <font color="FFFF00">Yellow text</font>, while orange text would be more like <font color="FF9900">Orange text</font>.
Text Size
1) Type something into the text box and apply one of the bottom buttons to it.
2) Right click it and go to "Inspect Element".
3) This should bring you to the post code. Right click the part you're inspecting and select "Edit as HTML".
4) Text size is done with the <font> tag similarly to color. You'll want to type <font size="number">example text</font> to adjust the size of the characters that will display on screen. The text size that is typically displayed within our posts is a "2", so "1" will be a little smaller while anything above "2" will be noticeably larger.
It can get a little obnoxious if you aren't careful.
Text Font
1) Type something into the text box and apply one of the bottom buttons to it.
2) Right click it and go to "Inspect Element".
3) This should bring you to the post code. Right click the part you're inspecting and select "Edit as HTML".
4) This is another <font> command, this time done with <font face="font name">example text</font>. If you pick a font that another user doesn't have, they will instead see a more generic font, so it's usually better to stick to fonts that are default on people's computers. If you happen to get enough people to download the font you prefer however, they should be able to see it. There's always options like Comic Sans MS to make your typing look noticeably different.
It can get fun with fonts like Wingdings: � 📂 ðŸ‘👎 ðŸ˜
For Wingdings to work, type &# before the corresponding code within the font tags, like so: <font face="Wingdings">😐</font> for ðŸ˜. Strangely enough, stuff like bold and italics seem to work on them: ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜.
Pair this alongside font size and you're golden: ðŸ˜
Alternatively... you could just copy/paste them from that chart as well. ★
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Expect more stuff as time goes on.
"You posted a wise dog video with autoplay enabled. Minutes after seeing it, I fixed the issue permitting the use of autoplay.
As a result, the wise dog video perished. Autoplay should not be working from here on out."
Lmao. You always talk like this, Michael?
"I have addressed the issue of the broken toilet seat. The new toilet seat is now set in place. Henceforth you may resume your regular toilet sitting habits. Provide feedback regarding your experience at the following email address:..."
Alright, looks like I hit my character limit. As such I'll need to continue this in other posts within the topic. I'll link to them in the OP once auto-scrolling to posts works with links.
Tables
1) Type something into the text box and apply one of the bottom buttons to it.
2) Right click it and go to "Inspect Element".
3) This should bring you to the post code. Right click the part you're inspecting and select "Edit as HTML".
4) Tables seem to work as well. The code uses <tr> for Table Rows and <td> for the cells within them. The code below displays my example:
<table border="1" style="width:100%">
<tr>
<td>Test</td>
<td>Test</td>
<td>Test</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>Test</td>
<td>Test</td>
<td></td>
</tr>
</table>
| Test | Test | Test |
| Test | Test |  |
This could get interesting.
Quoting
1) Type something into the text box and apply one of the bottom buttons to it.
2) Right click it and go to "Inspect Element".
3) This should bring you to the post code. Right click the part you're inspecting and select "Edit as HTML".
4) It's not really as nice as SC 1.0's quote system yet, but the little orange line is kind of cool looking. This is done by adding <blockquote>example text</blockquote> around that which you wish to quote.
"Example Text"
Checkboxes?
Interesting...
GOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSEGOATSE