Sociopath Community

The crushing fear of mediocrity and not living up to your expectations is something profoundly human. Make your goals tangible and practical, make them into something you can fight, something you can beat or at least try to. After that it is just the fight, just the struggle left and I'm sure you'll enjoy that.

Why pursue unreachable goals if you are aware they are unreachable? I only go only for things I know there's even the smallest chance I would succeed. If I don't believe I can do something, I'll be extremely put off by it and will not attempt it. Cadaver gave good advice, set attainable practical goals. The human mind needs some reward at the end of the struggle. Past rewards/successes give us strength and confidence during furture struggles too.

sounds like you're describing dissociation. there are methods you can use to bring yourself back into the present so you can be less detached.

dictatorship?

Because when you achieve those goals You become the man

"Why pursue unreachable goals if you are aware they are unreachable?"

There's a joy in them I can't explain, but it feels great. I feel normal doing it, comfortable.

"I only go only for things I know there's even the smallest chance I would succeed. If I don't believe I can do something, I'll be extremely put off by it and will not attempt it."

I'll put it off only if I can see beforehand that chasing it will damage me severely or if it isnt anything I haven't done before, but if not anything is game.

"Cadaver gave good advice, set attainable practical goals. The human mind needs some reward at the end of the struggle. Past rewards/successes give us strength and confidence during furture struggles too."

Yeah I agree

"The crushing fear of mediocrity and not living up to your expectations is something profoundly human."

Yeah it really is. That fear has been a factor that's shaped almost every aspect of my life, before I couldn't fail in any scenario without being hit with volleys of self criticism. Really, to keep sane I had to be the best at everything I did or at least know I gave 100% and practice for it later. I became physically stronger and gained a lot of willpower out of it but I was still vulnerable to mental breakdowns up until this year.

"Make your goals tangible and practical, make them into something you can fight, something you can beat or at least try to"

I do, but it's not like these aren't don while chasing the harder tasks.

"Through all of my walks in life there have been highs and lows. I'm sure we can all relate to when life at times just seems outright pointless."
It's better to rip that bandage now and find value within the pointlessness than try to pretend it's not the case to protect your ego. There's a sense of peace once the denial's gone and the damage from that's pushed past.

"At times I get so regimented and routine that I feel as if I'm going through life on auto-pilot, floating through different scenarios and events where my decisions don't  make much of an effect. I can't fucking stand it."
When do our decisions really make "much of an effect"? We're effectively NPCs that all carry some level of delusion about ourselves being the main character, the center of it all. We can't all be that.

"I'm constantly reminded of what happens to those who don't wake up from seeing them around me. Men and Women who work at the same position doing the same simple task thousands of times a shift for decades."
Some find peace in the monotony, and those who don't live for their jobs can seek other distractions instead, using said work as their means to their ends. I personally like work that's a little repetitive for that reason.

"A few of them speak, seeing me in their shoes years ago telling me to get out and make something of myself. And with everyone I would see a hint of sadness in their faces, as if they finally got some realization that they slept through life before going back to the routine."
You sure you aren't projecting that onto their faces? It can't be everyone unless the place itself sucks that harshly.

"Get out of here while you can" "You don't want to wake up 20 years from now still working here" "Whatever you do, dont let yourself get used to this place""Don't end up like me"
Oh the "You're still young, you should make some mistakes before you're too old to appreciate them" angle. Suuuch a peer pressuring cliche.

"Fuck that. I can't stand my life being static, I don't care if I'm falling I need to make things dynamic and I've always have. When I start looking back at this need it sort of snaps things into perspective. The best fight was the one I could never win, my favorite places are places where I could never exist(apocalyptic scenarios/abandoned places), the best challenges were ones I couldn't complete and it's why the person I couldn't have was the one I wanted the most."
Sounding like you're bordering on idolizing escapism from the monotony that is typically life, something most people feel and outlet through other means. There's very little to explore or enjoy if you don't find ways to make it out of what's around you, and the sad thing about the human condition: Everything you love blands overtime. We are designed to dislike that which we enjoy slowly overtime so that we won't stagnate, but ultimately that makes us victims in a never-ending struggle against ourselves. We aren't meant to be content for long, regardless of what life you lead, as too much of something you love builds a tollerance against it, while too much time away from it makes the former memory's craving recur.

There's nothing wrong with having dreams and aims, but it helps to look at it objectively instead of through the lens of passions. The past tends to try to call itself back through nostalgia, a nagging sense of the good times once the bad times no longer feel so bad. Make sure that you have wants, not needs, as otherwise it's not really you steering anymore.

"I need challenge, constantly."
In my opinion, you ought to address the reason that need's there instead of mindlessly feeding it. It's more likely to give you a semblance of control over it instead of it gaining control over you. Without control (and with excessive control as well), you become a witness to yourself instead of the person experiencing your own life.

"I used to think perfection was some insecurity, something I needed to prove to myself but now I'm seeing its just necessary to function normally."
According to the biased perfectionism itself perhaps. How is that different from an alcoholic talking about how they need booze to function, or the thrill seeker claiming they need to do insane near-suicidal stunts to function?

Balance and moderation I think'll do you some good, as this "functioning normally" is really stuff like stalking and erratic behaviors that stand to have you lose the things you appreciate. You need to live your life instead of letting life live you, as otherwise you'll be sitting there questioning those sabotaging autopilots of yours that lead to problems and delusions in the first place.

"In every instance of my life, no matter what I do I always aim for perfection, it feels comfortable that way, something I'll never be able to get. I don't think anything will ever be enough for me and now I dont want anything to ever be. just a rant/thought"
It's not comfortable, it's ideal, and instead of doing it for perfection's sake you use it to masochistically lose yourself. It's more likely that you are too uncomfortable with yourself to really live with yourself, so instead you try to find ways to escape yourself and outlet that frustration while simultaniously building said frustration's bar to larger heights.

The last word I'd call you in the throes of your passions is "comfortable". You really are striving to be distracted, whether that's through excess stressing or blanding of the mind in what I imagine to be a cycling format. What makes your head such a bad place to be? You sound like you desire escape, a way out, but what you're really running from is you. 

"It's better to rip that bandage now and find value within the pointlessness than try to pretend it's not the case to protect your ego. There's a sense of peace once the denial's gone and the damage from that's pushed past."

I'm at a time in my life where I'm just stuck, doing the same routine saving for college. It's really screwing with me not having any sense of direction besides just saving.

"When do our decisions really make "much of an effect"? We're effectively NPCs that all carry some level of delusion about ourselves being the main character, the center of it all. We can't all be that."

I just come across such small dilemmas that the effects of what I do dont lead to any consequence. Like one of the biggest decisions of the day deciding which route to take to work, or what I'll bring for lunch. It's maddening. My choices dont have to make waves but they should at least have some relevance.

"Some find peace in the monotony, and those who don't live for their jobs can seek other distractions instead, using said work as their means to their ends. I personally like work that's a little repetitive for that reason."

At times, I can too. But it's too much of that feeling and where I work at your life revolves around that place whether you want it to or not. It's a factory high in physical labor, a lot of consumer demand and no union.

"You sure you aren't projecting that onto their faces? It can't be everyone unless the place itself sucks that harshly."

Nope, that's what I've been told. It's a very demanding factory that pays high. When I first came to the factory I noticed the workers were all older(40+). Now that I've been there for almost 2 years I understand why. The place spits people out constantly, people are drawn in because it pays substantially more than any of factory but in this past year alone 5 people assigned to my department have been hired and quit within the first 2 months. If you can't fall into the routine and just numb yourself to the no union bullshit, you'll fallout of the place quick.

"the sad thing about the human condition: Everything you love blands overtime."

I'm sure there are a few exceptions.

"We are designed to dislike that which we enjoy slowly overtime so that we won't stagnate, but ultimately that makes us victims in a never-ending struggle against ourselves. We aren't meant to be content for long, regardless of what life you lead, as too much of something you love builds a tolerance against it, while too much time away from it makes the former memory's craving recur."

Yeah I completely agree. But I shouldn't be having the memory cravings of dangerous times, life (at least for me) is a lot more stable and enjoyable when monotony/calm times are in the nostalgic/craving spot while challenge is always present. I'm starting to realize how much I really enjoyed the military.

"In my opinion, you ought to address the reason that need's there instead of mindlessly feeding it. It's more likely to give you a semblance of control over it instead of it gaining control over you. Without control (and with excessive control as well), you become a witness to yourself instead of the person experiencing your own life."

I've been thinking about this for months and can't relate it to anything besides it being just in my nature. No matter what the case is, one of my biggest joys in life is remaining orderly in a seemingly chaotic environment. This has been the case since early childhood and I'm at the point to where finding a way to fix/suppress it wont work. Indulging in different challenges is the closest thing I'll get to it, I know that acting that way seems self destructive but in my case it's borderline therapeutic.  Stress is lifted and I feel normal in the middle of climbing obstacles.

"According to the biased perfectionism itself perhaps. How is that different from an alcoholic talking about how they need booze to function, or the thrill seeker claiming they need to do insane near-suicidal stunts to function?"

Im not sure they are different, but treating it as any of those doesn't yield any good results. I've been toying with this for a while and avoiding or even limiting what I can do doesn't get rid of those urges.

"Balance and moderation I think'll do you some good, as this "functioning normally" is really stuff like stalking and erratic behaviors that stand to have you lose the things you appreciate. You need to live your life instead of letting life live you, as otherwise you'll be sitting there questioning those sabotaging autopilots of yours that lead to problems and delusions in the first place."

Yeah, lately I've been reading a book and a couple web articles on taoism which seem to help somewhat, considering taoism is nothing but balance. But, yeah learning to control this need and directing it at outlets will definatley help me get more out of my life.

"You really are striving to be distracted, whether that's through excess stressing or blanding of the mind in what I imagine to be a cycling format. What makes your head such a bad place to be? You sound like you desire escape, a way out, but what you're really running from is you."

I believe it's just my situation, which will be changing hopefully soon.