I always found it very uncomfortable and annoying when people cry and dealing with people crying indirectly asking for my sympathy has always been annoying to me.
How do you deal with it or feel about it?
i'm Chole and the dude at the end when people cry. I usually look to see if someone else is around and if not I'll try to comfort or calmly find a solution but seriouly that's my face XD
This is why I assume so often that your posts are some lame narcissistic attempt at making yourself feel 'superior' at somebody else's expense.
If somebody tells you they have to piss, do you assume they want your sympathy too?
That's just what people's bodies do. Sometimes it means smthg, sometimes it doesn't. Jeez Louise, the way you people go on about crying and butthurt, I suspect half of you wouldn't know the difference between real tears and hayfever. lol
You act as if this is some major chore or something. Why don't you try stepping outside of your head a little bit? Perhaps you cannot sympathize with someone grieving, but are you also unable to understand what they're experiencing? You claim to be a sadist, so I know that certainly you are well aware of what they're feeling.
Why this should be annoying to you puzzles me. I feel like our minds are somewhat alike, so I will take a wild guess (my wild guesses are usually pretty good though). You are disinterested in whatever the dramatic issue itself is, and when a person is distraught and seeking comfort from you, you feel it to be an imposition from their part for you to respond emotionally to something you don't care about. And because you are neither emotionally responsive, nor desiring of intimacy, what you feel is annoyance; for you feel forced to perform some act which is lame, or bothersome, or intrusive, or perhaps pathetic to you.
Really, how hard is it to act sympathetic? And why is it even bothersome to you in the first place? That second question is more important than the first one. I used to feel a somewhat similar way as what you describe. A crying girl would come up to me, hugging me, pouring out her feelings, and I would think to myself "this is awkward, how do I handle this?" But if you take perspective more and actually make an effort to engage with others, those kind of situations are no challenge at all. Or you can be a complete dick and go on as you do. Either way, we're all going to be dead sooner or later, so do whatever you want.
Tryptamine: "You claim to be a sadist, so I know that certainly you are well aware of what they're feeling."
"Well aware"? Being a sadist doesn't automatically qualify for relating to grief. For myself anyway, seeing someone in heightened levels of pain can be just as interesting or invigorating as seeing someone in any other heightened expression from how vivid and expressive the display itself is. While I only dabble slightly into sadism, I enjoy people's expressions for how they appear and how it affects their behaviors, measuring all the slight differences in theirs versus others and using their extremes as a gauge to how much they're relatively feeling compared to past expressions, not from relating to their expression of the feeling myself.
Tryptamine: "Really, how hard is it to act sympathetic? And why is it even bothersome to you in the first place?"
While I'm not who was asked, it's that it feels like a nagging obligation where the costs are higher than the gains to tell them to "get over yourself" and leave. Since they tend to dwell on not too many dimensions of the problem, it gets boring and repetitive pretty quickly once there's not much more data to glean from it. It slowly becomes like a waiting room with some really annoying music.
One of my exes would have an hour+ spent each day emotionally ranting to me about her problems. It gets pretty stale.
Tryptamine: "But if you take perspective more and actually make an effort to engage with others, those kind of situations are no challenge at all."
Sometimes... that's the problem. Other times it can come from self comparison making them seem overly dramatic.
whoameye: "My reaction would have a lot to do with who it is that is crying."
There's this too. If it's someone closer to me I'm more likely to take notes on their display.
whoameye: "Smart strong women dont give me the time of day lol"
Preferring easy prey serves to make you become easier overtime as well.
"'Well aware'? Being a sadist doesn't automatically qualify for relating to grief."
You are correct. I think I made it clear throughout the rest of my post what he was doing exactly was not relating in any way to these people that are bothering him.
"While I'm not who was asked, it's that it feels like a nagging obligation where the costs are higher than the gains to tell them to "get over yourself" and leave. Since they tend to dwell on not too many dimensions of the problem, it gets boring and repetitive pretty quickly once there's not much more data to glean from it. It slowly becomes like a waiting room with some really annoying music."
In my experience it doesn't really take that long to comfort someone, and if things are becoming protracted, I give the grievers some reassuring words and excuse myself.
"One of my exes would have an hour+ spent each day emotionally ranting to me about her problems. It gets pretty stale."
Yeah...fuck that.
"Sometimes... that's the problem. Other times it can come from self comparison making them seem overly dramatic. "
My meaning is simple: It can sometimes be good to give some credence to the reality and experiences of others, even if they differ from yours. But I do not suggest this is the "right" thing to do. I ended my response saying "do whatever you want."