I'm not familiar with bdsm but I imagine the boundaries vary from person to person, all on when their mental/physical tolerance meets its end and how long they can remain "comfortable" once it's exceeded.
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This got me think about it:
(It's a reddit post)
Excuse my poor English. I am 28 years old, I was born in Estonia to a Estonian
mother and and Polish father. I lived a good life, nothing extravagant
but we weren't badly off for the most part. I think in some countries
like America and Canada my life would have been considered middle class
but for me it was enjoyable. I have always been into bdsm, curious about
it since I was 16, when my first boyfriend spanked my ass one time I
liked it. A few years later at university thanks to a godmother paying
for my younger brother and I both to attend, I met my first dom and we
were together for a couple years, since then I've had 3 doms, 2 of them
were fleeting, amazing and brief but the last one has changed me
irrevocably. We have been together for 3 years and a half.
And the first two years were perfection, like some from a dream, not
just in terms of a bdsm relationship, but just a relationship, if that
makes sense. I loved him and he loved me not just as dom and sub but as
boyfriend and girlfriend. Over the past year and a half he has slowly
gotten more cruel, the whippings and spankings more painful, harder than
ever, he began not just focussing on physical domination but emotional
and mental and I got swept up, before I knew it we were doing things
which I had never, even as a sub, expected to do, I don't really want to
speak of those here though if you wish to private message I might. This
culminated recently with me acquiescing after a very painful session
where he soothed me afterwards and told me he loved me a lot, he asked
if I'd do anything for him and I replied yes, because at this point I
love him, still do, in fact.
Recently, he let 5 of his friends have sex with me and I let it
happen because I was pleasing the man I love, the man I'd looked up to
and trusted to protect and care for me for over 3 years and I felt sick,
for the first time in my life, on the morning following that night, I
looked in the mirror and I could not see me, I did not recognize the
woman in the mirror, when did my eyes develop bags underneath, when did I
lose weight like this, I'd always been somewhat slim but now I just
felt gaunt, when did bits of my hair begin dropping. I felt disgust and
revulsion, I felt like vomiting and screaming and crying, I felt like
flinging myself from the window of our apartment. I don't know who I am
anymore, I feel as though my life became this mans to play with, I feel
like I hold no identity, I feel sick to my stomach. I left to stay at a
friends, he blew up at me and I went back and spent the night tied up
with my ass bleeding from being hit, it was 4 days ago I got in touch
with my mother and father and am now home. I have not told them anything
that has happened. I still have my phone and I have it switched off,
the temptation to go running back is so fucking overwhelming, I feel as
if my legs were broken I would contemplate crawling back. I feel sick
just writing this.
I do not know what I am writing this for, perhaps I just want some
sympathy, perhaps I just needed a medium to put some of my thoughts in
order, maybe I just want some unbiased people to read this and tell me
what they think, what they would do in this situation.....I think the
relationship is over but the temptation to go back is so consuming and
it has only been a few days.
EDIT: Wow, I went to bed for a little while and had dinner and came
back to many messages, I can't thank each of you enough for your advice
and/or sympathy, it was much needed today of all days, I spoke to my
mother about it, letting her know that I was in a less than healthy
relationship and by the end of it, I have not been in the best shape or
place, physically and mentally. She does not yet know the details but
she's just letting me let it out bit by bit
Again, thank you all and I'll try to reply to everything !
TL;DR My 3.5 year bdsm relationship went south as my dom became more
cruel, I have been made to do things I wasn't comfortable with though
ultimately I did agree and choose to do so, I have no idea who I am
anymore.
As I wrote the word willful I could see where this may need some interpretation. Willful as in willing with no duress. Through duress an individual can be willing, however the influence being place upon the individual is manipulating them to be submissive. Absolutely this would constitute abuse.
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