Sociopath Community

I'm going to say you have to be right on that. It's the only prominent issue that is still existent from those times, I've been having these dreams of shadows for almost a decade now. I keep trying to find ways to draw that urge for self improvement to the shadows, which seem completely unrelated at the surface. But when I look at their behavior and how they pursue me I guess they can be related. They are shadows, always there, everywhere like the drive for self improvement. They always outnumber me or it's one single shadow that is exponentially larger than me, maybe implying I feel helpless?

It could mean anything, but I think you made a pretty accurate assumption

Ahahaha, what a faggot.

So you're incapable of using physical violence when the situation calls for it and it is even expected, you need to wait until some highly improbable turn of events when the aggressor suddenly becomes super submissive, and even then you will put it off and wait till you've bulked up a bit (not that you actually will, because you're just reading up on it, not actively doing anything about it).

You then willingly get dressed up as a beggar and spout Christian crap that you don't really believe, just because some of your mates told you to, without anything being in it for you. Then you stole drugs off homeless people.

Dude, could you sink any lower?

I had a dream where I was in a videogame I had been playing before I went to sleep. I was running through a train made of crumbly stone, going around a mountain made of snow and concrete. It felt tiring to run; in the video game weapons you had but weren't using disappeared, not so in the dream. I had a dark brown trench coat, with plates of metal armor on the shoulders and forearms, and a protective vest with little things of ammo, and a backpack with an antenna on it. I also this big lasergun with a launcher thingy on the bottom, and a collapsible electric sword baton thing. Every thing looked sort of orange, cus I had a helmet and a visor. 

Either way, was running into one of the train cars when this black armored dude leapt out from behind a seat and brained me with the back of his lasergun. I fell down, and he was gonna shoot me,  but I swept his legs from under him and his shot went wild. We were wrestling for his gun(mine went flying when I got hit) he punched me in the face, smashed the vizor, knocked a tooth out. I wrenched his gun out of his other hand, and broke his finger in the trigger guard, and then shot him in the face, and his helmet exploded and I got a bunch of cuts from the shrapnel. I got up and staggered around for a bit, and cleaned myself up with some of the medical gear in the backpack. And then I went and found my laser rifle and shot some of these odd blue aliens that had been accumulating on the mountain  outside. I climbed out of the train car, and climbed my way a safe distance up the mountain, then I used 2 blue glowing detonators to demolish the supports of the train tracks, I was feeling very groggy and tired. I sat down and went to my backpack for some rations, the train and the segment of tracks it had rested on tumbled down the mountain in a cloud of smoke and powdered snow. I couldn't eat rations though, because my mouth really hurt, and my front teeth felt really weird and delicate. I toggled the communications device on my helmet to tell my commander(in retrospect, idk who that guy was) I finished my job. The comlink wasn't working though, it was broken, probably from when I got brained by that other dude. At this point I was really groggy, the adrenaline from combat had since faded. I had done a shit job with the medkit, and was losing a lot of blood from the shrapnel wounds. I lay there in the snow, but I wasn't very cold. I went to sleep. Then I woke up, and got out of bed.

I don't dream very often, and when I do it's usually boring :(

I dreamt I was at 'work' (not my real job, but the job in the dream). Everyone else had to work very hard, but my job was to sleep. My colleague was typing loudly and it woke me up. There was a 'supervisor' (in no way similar to anyone I work with irl) who got very annoyed with my colleague and was shouting at him, saying that my sleeping was the most important thing and they could learn a lot from watching me sleep. I couldn't get back off to sleep because I realised they were all typing loudly, but I pretended to be asleep and just watched them work. Then they started typing really, really loudly, and I woke up and realised the neighbours were making noise.

This probably has to do with the realisation that I do a lot better at my job when I don't try as hard and am not as prepared as I do when I try to be perfect.

The going round the block bit probably represents coming full circle in some way. Like, you left somewhere because you didn't wanna get in trouble like your mate, but then you come back and things are still exactly as they were.

I dreamed... of a penis.

.

LOL. Thanks, that was great.

Hey Sinister, I think this dream says a lot about yourself. You have suicidal thoughts, you want to die but the train refuses to come (your subconscious doesn't want you to die). Then you experience intense fear, which is nothing more than the will to survive kicking in. Why would anyone who wants to die fear anything so intensely? Just think about it. Your subconscious isn't suicidal Sin, deep down you want to live. That's a good sign, just listen to that instinct which is alive at your core, next time you feel like ending it all.

you sound like you might be experiencing mild psychosis. talk to your doc/psych about that, and whether you have trouble distinguishing what is 'real' in general

"Why would anyone who wants to die fear anything so intensely?"
Sometimes it's the fact that people fear something (or some things) so intensely that they'd rather die. Sometimes the fear doesn't even need a direct source, instead feeling like dread without context.

Chronic phobia types tend to exhibit suicidal tendencies for just such a reason. Fear is stressful, and stress at abnormal levels can lead to suicidal ideation.