I don't think I could ever kill myself. I'm just curious how my life will be if I live to be 60 or 70. I think most of my changes are due to adaption to my current environment and past experiences.
If it wasn't for my past and current consequences. I would probably be no different than I was when I was 13.
I have been thinking a lot of the things I had done in the past compared to how I am today.
When I was younger I didn't think much before acting, and I think that is because I hadn't had any real serious consequences for my actions. Sure I got in trouble but I didn't care about the petty consequences back then.
Now that i'm older and I have experienced more sever consequences. It makes me think a lot more about whether or not I can get away with something before I do it. I still have the same urges but because of my past consequences i'm not so quick to react.
When i'm angry or upset about something. I don't think at all before I react, and so I find myself avoiding situations that might upset me. When I was younger, I was diagnosed a sociopath (aspd)when I was incarcerated. But i'm not the same person I was back then.
I still don't understand other peoples feelings and why they say and do things they do as far as emotions go. I know why they are upset or sad. But I cant relate to it myself. I still see people like that as weak and beneath me.
I guess my question is do you think that because of life experiences and there environment, someone with aspd can change as they age? Maybe even one day be able to stop lying? I lie so fucken much I don't even realize i'm doing it tell after the conversation, and I have to back track in my head over what I said so I don't forget the lie, the next time it comes up.
I certainly hope not, because the alleged change from what I've read it most assuredly not for the better. I don't know if it is solely vindictive victims or shrinks that want to sell books but the term that is bandied about is burnout. Which sounds quite grim honestly. I hope certainly that as long as we still get thrills we won't have to change. If burnout looms, well could be time for the last ride, or exit.