2008 was a rough year for me. Music required.
It was the first year I ever came down with tapeworm. Do you know what it's like being diagnosed with having a tapeworm? A living, breathing being living inside your intestines? Taking your food, you nutrients? I was hanging at 190 pounds and on my quest for grotesque muscular development and I couldn't get any bigger. I was eating tremendous amounts of food and I was losing weight! 190, 180, 175! THE MADNESS WAS TERRIFYING. I went to the doctor and he took some tests and he said, "Ah, yes, just as I suspected...a tapeworm." I said, "My god, waht are we gonna have to do? Operate?" Her said, "no, that won't be necessary. Just come back next week with a banana and two cookies." I complied, wondering what this madman had in store for me. The night before the appointment I tossed and turned in bed all night, gripped with fear. The next day, I returned to the doctor's office with the banana and two cookies. The doctor instructed me to drop my pants and give him the banana and two cookies and he...introduced the banana to my system, followed by the two cookies. At the end of the procedure he instructed me to pants up and return again the next week with another banana and two cookies. I thought I was dealing a madman, that he was going to burst into hysterical laughter at any moment. A week later, I returned with the banana and two cookies and we repeated his unusual treatment. By this time, I had learned no to get chocolate chip, oh oh. Week after week for a month and half we continued the unorthodox routine. Finally, he changed the routine. The doctor said, "next time I see you, bring a banana...and a hammer. By the way...this will be your final treatment." He smiled as he slowly closed his office door in my face. I thought to myself MY GOD. I had never been so nervous as I was before that appointment. 11 am rolled around and I returned again to the doctor. Once again, I dropped trough and he introduced the banana to my system. He picked up the hammer and we waited. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. 20 minutes...
Finally the tapeworm popped his head and shouted "WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY COOKIES" and the doctor said BAM BAM BAM as he crushed the tapeworms head.