I guess this is goodbye. I am sick of expectations and not owning myself. I see nothing I want nor a reason to want anything more, other than wanting for the sole reason of striving. Which on its own has no value to me.
Hopefully this is the last you see of me...I rarely fail in my undertakings. Life is nothing to me anyways, perhaps it was meant to end like this. Maybe I left something of value maybe not I do not care.
Yeah... your life has to be pretty empty to decide here is where you want to leave your suicide note. But I doubt you'll succeed unless you use a gun. Most borderline folk go for pills or wrist cutting so there's a chance they'll make it, and only end up with a cozy stay in the mental hospital. Women more than men. If you really want to succeed then you will. If you don't really want death, then it's time to stop wallowing in poor mental health and fix your head. Good luck.
Life may be inherently meaningless, nonetheless it bestows to us the greatest gift of all—experience, albeit only for a frame of time. You've been given sentience and you want rid of it; you want to be as conscious as the can in my hand. You assume you've got everything in your head lined up right, and the "logical conclusion" is to rid yourself of experience. I cannot fathom why that would be desirable. Life is such a beautiful and interesting thing, even in its most "hideous" manifestations. It seems much more sensible to me to carry on with your life, even if it's guaranteed perpetual misery, as you only get one opportunity to exist. You'll get your end in time; why not ride out the experience and see what happens?